Stripper and NPD

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  1. #1

    Stripper and NPD


    I will tell you my story now and I hope you won't judge me.
    I hope that will answer most of the questions about the opportunity to date a stripper and honestly I will tell you this is the worst thing to do in your life.

    I was travelling a lot and all began in 2012, I met her in a club and she was with someone at that time but I didn't know at the beginning.
    Quickly we had good conversations and we really enjoyed spending time together but I was not looking for anything.
    But she kissed me one night and everything changed, I began to hope for something.

    After that, we had very good time together, laughing and talking about many things but we had the first incident. She began to cry, told me I was a bad person, that she was about to marry to his boyfriend but decided to stop it for me and wanted to see me OTC. She talked to a guy at the bar who was a friend of her and he gave her a ride home. I tried to stop her to have a discussion and hold the door but she started to scream: "get off !!!!!!". I should have stopped at this point but that was too late, I was already in love.

    The day after I was devastated, and had no news from her during 5 days. After 5 days I got an email from her, she told me "I don't know what happened, i did nothing wrong". We talked about the incident and she told me she got mad because her ex-bf abused her physically and she got all those memories back in her mind when I grabbed her arm. But I don't remember I did that, it is still in my brain and I don't remember I touched her that night. I will never know.

    We spent good time together and finally my company moved me to another location.
    I used to stalk her FB profile and I saw this picture she put where she was hanging with the man who gave her a ride. Shortly after the picture was cropped and we could see only her face and not the guy. I asked her where she took it and she replied "when I was out of state with my parents". But I knew that was a lie. Why lying on this ? I began to doubt but wanted to keep seeing her cause I was addicted.

    She proposed me a dinner and to be friends on FB. Just before the last day she got it very blurry if the dinner would happen. I asked her why. After several very aggressive emails from me, she told me I was creating too much drama for no reason, she had an ex she met in the past in the same conditions as she met me. They were really close and it went really mad because the guy was a liar and lied about everything, she lost one of her best friends and she still thinks about this incident when I grabbed her arm. We had another argument by email, I asked her who was the guy who gave her a ride. She told me nothing happened and got mad at me because I was too jealous and insecure, she gave me no news during three days. I was angry but finally decided to email her "Can we talk ?". She replied: "we can talk tomorrow but I see you don't miss me that much, you already moved to someone else". What !!!! I just talked to another girl who is a friend of her !

    Whatever, company moved me to another city, I was sad it was the end but we kept emailing a lot.
    She was really nice to me, called me and told me I was the best man she ever met in her life. I was so happy and missing her a lot.

    One week I drove and told her I want to stop, I can't do it anymore, and she gave me a cold "ok, do whatever that makes you happy". What the heck, I was mad: she was leaving like this, just a short email telling me to do whatever I want ???
    She began to cry and told me she wants to move in my apartment and get engaged. I was ready for it. She talked about vacation together and many things she was ready just to get out of her shitty life. My work wasn't going really good, I was too busy emailing her and giving news.

    The big drama came when I had a breakfast with her. She was completely drunk. She was sitting in front of me and strange thing is that I saw her phone, she texted her ex proposing a shower at home, to this abusive guy she lived with in the past ! She was telling me at the same time I was the best man she ever met. After the continued to text him but she was hiding the screen. weird...
    I drove back home and I texted her. She just told me a lot of different explanations, it was to remember the past, then she feels alone, then it was a test and she deleted he text messages. I challenged her version and she told me to F** off and didn't answer my calls, emails, ... during three days. I emailed her later and she told me "ok let's meet again".

    Then one week I visited her for two days, got my hotel nights and I was looking to hang out with her, helping her with errands and many things. But she simply didn't reply to my calls and emails and I spent only a couple of hours at the restaurant with her. I was really angry and not getting why I was doing those efforts but I was afraid losing her. I drove back and asked her why she keeps FB and home so secret to me ? I had to insist, 5 emails, and she told me because I am too insecure FB would give a good reason for me to get jealous and home is out of reach for anyone except her best friends. I was angry and sad and started to read a book about NPD (or psychopaths).
    I decided to challenge her and play her own game doing silent treatment. Everything on this book was so close to her behavior: "I miss you", "I do care" repeated so many times and her behavior was simply not matching the words. How can you just text someone 50 times one day and 3 times the day after pretending you were sick.

    Time flies and I am still focusing on the events, the discussions, the lies, everything was so confusing. She started to back off, she didn't want to be with a jealous guy, I need to prove her I can make her happy and stop acting like that. I told her how sad I was but she never took care of it, as if nothing happened.
    I visited her once again and I was ready to tell her that I want to stop, emails were less and going into drama too many times. I didn't know what she was doing, no news during three days sometimes. I was very depressed, and always the same answer: "I am not with anyone and I am fed up you don't trust me !". She forgot my birthday on purpose after talking about it during two weeks. Her reply was "I never forgot your birth date !". I was feeling like losing her but she told me not to worry, go baby steps and keep it easy and positive.

    I decided to move on and met another girl. I told her about this new girl, we went into drama as she told me "that's too bad you gave up" and finally I decided to stay single, I was not ready for a new relationship.

    Then I took a look at her FB profile and saw a new friend. I checked his profile and I saw it: he was on her bed kissing her on her cheek, he was bragging being with her and posted a lot of things. I emailed her and she told me first he was a very old friend, she swore on her life and a "goodbye". I replied back "goodbye" and she told me "you will lose something really great". We had following up discussions and I wanted to make her feel ok, but I wasn't. This man was a kid, he had no job, no money, still living with his parents, a bad boy like her exBF. One day she told me "I am watching this movie alone" and at the same time this kid posted "Watching movie with her" tagging her name and the movie. Two weeks later he posted on his wall he was having too many arguments with her and decided to stay single. Weird... she blocked me on FB and removed a lot of information on her profile.
    There were no emails anymore, officially phone was shut off but I was able to reach her voicemail and saw several activity updates on her profile. Officially she did it from a friends home laptop, no idea if it was true or lies.
    She always told me she has been honest with me since the beginning and I should stay positive in order to dominate me.

    I visited her a very last time and talked to her two weeks ago. We spent good time together and we talked about next steps. She told me she doesn't want dinners and emails because it was creating too much of drama.
    I said "oh ok and when am I supposed to go back to at least dinners and emails".
    She replied: "maybe one month, it all depends if we are good or not".

    I told her I decided to stop it, this relationship/friendship boat moving all the time was not making me happy. I told her this was the last night I spent with her. I gave her a big hug telling her I can't continue waiting and begging, I need clear answers and explanations. She cried telling me it was hurting her feelings and that was too bad I was killing such a great friendship for a new GF. She told me I decided to back off when I dated this girl and that was the reason why she got mad at me. I just left like that...

    But one night she texted me she was missing me a lot.... then nothing anymore.
    I cried a lot because I want to see this girl as she was before, but I realized it would never happen in any manner. She finally came back to her ex who was supposed to be blocked on her phone and FB (as she told me in the past she didn't want him to come back). I took the best decision to move on and forget everything about her.

    My recommendation:
    - Never date a stripper, they have to many personal issues and they don't want the healthy life you want to offer them. They are lazy and they don't want better things.
    - If you catch lies and you have any doubts, run away as fast as you can !

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Colorado Springs, Colorado

    {Quote} "I was angry and sad and started to read a book about NPD (or psychopaths)."{Quote} If you read the entire book, you'd find that NPD or Narcissistic personality disorder is not quite the same as someone being a psychopath. Psychopathy is characterized differently, though they share some common behaviors. I never had even heard of it before late last year. My sister had me read this article on it, and tell her who I think it sounded like. Well, it's my own mother. She like most with this, will not go to a doctor for treatment as they don't think they have a problem, like you probably read.

    Looking back on it, it's how I was treated by my mother that probably caused most of my problems with socializing and relationships.

    I think you probably did get a pretty screwed up stripper (which ones aren't right?) I wouldn't know for sure, without some specific examples weather this girl is npd. However, from what you do have posted, it sounds plausible.

    It also sounds like you got caught up in it.:

    {Quote}"I was angry and sad and started to read a book about NPD (or psychopaths).
    I decided to challenge her and play her own game doing silent treatment. Everything on this book was so close to her behavior: "I miss you", "I do care" repeated so many times and her behavior was simply not matching the words. How can you just text someone 50 times one day and 3 times the day after pretending you were sick." {Quote}

    you figured out what was going on with her, yet you still tried "playing her own game"
    I say move on and run fast, never look back. If NPD is what she has, there is no real effective treatment. If you fully read that book, and did some research, you would know that. move on.

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