Tenmagnet Explains: What to text a Girl
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  1. #1
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    Tenmagnet Explains: What to text a Girl

    This originally appeared on my blog:

    What to text a girl.

    Knowing what to text a girl in different situations can make a huge difference in your dating life. If you know the right things to text a girl, you can turn 60% or more of the numbers they get into dates. But if you do things wrong, you’ll probably find that only about 10% of the phone numbers you get turn into anything. This little guide will probably help your average guy turn his “conversion” rate up 10-20%.


    What to text a girl: The first text.

    In my experience, the first text doesn’t matter that much, because most women ignore your first text. Usually I text women the night I meet them, and either invite them to another (cool) venue, use some call back humour, or if necessary give her a light compliment. So some examples:

    • Even if we never see one another again, I’ll always cherish the twenty minutes we spent together at Muldoons. – Chris (Note, this would be callback humour to some romance role-play I had done earlier. Don’t send this to just any girl).
    • Hey, me and the guys just headed out to Feria. If you ditch your friends at Muldoon’s, I can get you in.
    • I liked talking to you last night. You have good taste. I’m going to check out that David Hasselhoff anthology CD you recommended. It had better not suck.

    Generally, I like using callback humour the best, invites come second, and complements are my backup. Keep in mind that the first text doesn’t really matter because MANY women simply don't respond to the first text, and if she does it’s often not really meaningful anyways. The purpose of the first text is just to establish a little connection so that things are a bit easier the next day.


    One advantage of inviting a girl to another bar via text is that if she accepts your invite, you’re in a good position to hook up that night.

    Other important things to remember about the first text:

    • You want to text with the same voice as you were in person. If you were funny guy, be funny. If you were sexy guy, be sexy. If you were cool guy, be cool. But don’t get her number as sexy guy and start texting her jokes.
    • Avoid texts that are really generic like “It was nice to meet you”. It sounds like a greeting card and it’s not hard to just say something a bit better.


    What to text a girl: The Next Day

    The next day is usually when you find out whether things are going well or not, so it’s actually MORE important to write something good on your second text message than it is with your first.

    The main strategy I have for the next day text is to “paint a scene”. The idea behind “painting a scene” is that I send a text message that paints a picture of my life as someone who is interesting and living a life that is meaningful and passionate. And those are the qualities I want to communicate to women when I’m texting. I don’t just want to make them laugh, or be entertaining, I want to communicate that I’m a cool guy who does cool stuff with cool people. But I need to do it in 140 characters – that’s the hard part.

    Here are some examples of “scenes”.

    • Ughh, I fell asleep in the park and got a sunburn. My friends didn’t even wake me up! Curse my pasty British ancestors You italians have it so easy.
    • Can you believe I’m still working at 7pm? My boss owes me a medal. Can you remind me what freedom tastes like again?
    • I like this rain. I think I’m going to sit in a cafe and read and drink coffee…. all day. How’s working for the man treating you?


    The idea behind these things is that you’re talking about fairly mundane things that happen any day, but you’re making them seem interesting and meaningful. It creates a bit of a connection because she starts to get an image in her mind of your lifestyle and your character that she can relate to, and that is appealing. It’s this kind of comfort building that actually makes her want to meet up with you. And building comfort via text message is relatively hard compared to over the phone or in person.

    If you get a response to this, you should make an effort to move things forward after a few texts to either the phone or the meet up. I cover this in another post on Text Message Game.

    Other things to know:

    • Texting is mostly about comfort, not attraction. You want to make her feel comfortable meeting up with you. If there isn’t enough attraction, you’ll probably have a fake number anyways.
    • Don’t be weird.
    • How often you text and how quickly you text back doesn’t matter too much. Instead, what matters is what you say. Intelligent, cool texts are always appropriate, while lame texts are lame even if you waited 48 hours to send them.
    • Most guys text women with inane crap. It’s not hard to do better.
    • What to text a girl: when she doesn’t respond.



    Often times you won’t get a response when you text. Don’t worry about it. The worst thing you can do is sit and fret about whether she’s going to reply.

    My general rule of thumb is I will try and text a girl three times, on three different days, before I will give up. Often times, women deliberately ignore the first or even the second text, to see how interested you are, so I often find that the third text is the charm. The secret to women who are playing “hard to get” over text message is to simply ignore the games they’re playing and keep moving things forward. Remember, if she’s playing games that means she likes you and you’re actually in the power position.

    Another thing you can do if you’re getting no response from a girl, and you felt like you had a good connection is: be sincere. Send her a text that says what you liked about her and how you want to meet up. Being really sincere early on can often come across needy, but if she’s not replying anyways, there’s no loss. And sincerity is something that will *really* distinguish you from the other guys she gives her phone number to. Let’s be honest, 99% of text message conversations are vapid and shallow. Going deeper is a bit of a risky move, but it often pays off.


    Tenmagnet (Chris Shepherd)
    -------------------------------------------------

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  2. #2
    Join Date
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    Tenmagnet Explains: What to text a Girl

    Here’s a question that comes up a lot. You meet a girl somewhere, have a bit of chemistry, and get her number. You text her once, and she doesn’t reply. So now you face the dilemma – How many times should you text her before you give up?

    The first thing you need to realize is that a lot of women simply don’t reply to the first text. If she’s read The Rules, or Cosmo, or is taking dating advice from her single friends, there’s a very good chance that even if she likes you, she will not reply to that first text. Women have game too, and some of them have bad game.


    Playing games on the phone is typical woman-game, and it sort of makes sense. If you want to filter for men who really like you, and for men who are confident and secure in themselves, not replying to the first text might be a good strategy. Guys who are cool and confident will text you the next day, and guys who are insecure or not really that into you will get whiney or just give up.

    Text number two is what separates the boys from the men. I wrote a little article earlier on what to text a girl that goes into a bit of the content. Text number two should generally be a day after the first text (which you should usually send the night you get her number). I find that most women reply to the second text – as long as it’s good. I would guess that I get about a 40% response rate to my second text.

    You’ve texted her twice. How many times should you text her again?

    The third text is the charm!

    If she doesn’t reply to the second text, wait a bit longer, and try for a third time. Don’t worry, she’s not going to call the police and get a restraining order against you for sending her three texts. It’s persistent, but well short of stalker territory (you can even try more if you like), and if you’re using my strategy of painting scenes, you’re not going to look too desperate. Just make sure the later texts are well spaced out, and don’t make them needy. In order to not seem needy, never text because you’re bored, or because you want a reaction. Text her only because you have something to say that she wants to hear!

    If you’re going to text a woman more than two times, you want to make sure to mix up your strategies. Don’t just invite her out three times, or ask her questions three times, or tell her something about yourself three times. Instead you ask a question, if that doesn’t work you paint a scene (from my "what to text a girl" post ), if that doesn’t work you try an invite, or bragging, or teasing or a joke. If one strategy doesn’t work, ditch it and try another.

    Never text because you’re bored, or because you want a reaction. Text her only because you have something to say that she wants to hear!

    I’ve also noticed that more attractive and more successful women are worse about texting back than less attractive women. Many of the most attractive women I’ve ever dated were women who didn’t respond to my first two texts, but who finally replied when I sent text number three.

    To summarize – you want to send at least three texts, on three different occasions, before you presume she’s flaking on you.

    Should I only text?

    No! I wrote a blog post about this earlier (Text message game) – and while things have changed since I wrote that post back in 2008, the fact remains that text messaging is a pretty weak way to keep in touch with women. If you can get a woman on the phone, even for only a few minutes (in fact, just a few minutes is usually better than a long conversation), you greatly improve your chances of getting her on a date. With younger women (under 25), I find they’re often reluctant to talk on the phone, but women over the age of 25 really appreciate it. It’s kind of a sad commentary on men in America that just calling a woman on the phone is considered “alpha” behaviour, but it’s true.
    Tenmagnet (Chris Shepherd)
    -------------------------------------------------

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