Boyfriend is in love with two women at once.

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  1. #1

    Boyfriend is in love with two women at once.

    My boyfriend broke up with me the other night because he feels guilty that he still thinks about his ex girlfriend who he was with for 5 years. He says he is in love with two women at once.

    He and I have a very deep connection and we both say all the time that we never thought we'd find someone like the other. We would talk about our future all the time and we both can see ourselves getting married and having a family someday.

    This breakup came out of the blue. He was crying on the phone with me because he doesn't know what to do because he loves me, but he feels guilty that he still loves her and he said that he doesn't want to live a lie.

    We're in a long distance relationship. He's in New York and I'm away at college in Los Angeles. I'm coming home for winter break on Thursday and I'll be there for a month. We had plans to be together for two of the weeks, but I guess that's not happening anymore. But he says he still wants to see me.

    We were talking for an hour and a half the night we broke up and he promised to call me back in the morning (we were on the phone at 2am my time/5am his time) but he didn't call. I'm just going to let the situation breathe and I'm not going to contact him. It will give both of us time to think and I think it's better that way.

    Is there anything I can do to get him to choose me?



  2. #2

    Quote Originally Posted by MysteryGirl44 View Post
    My boyfriend broke up with me the other night because he feels guilty that he still thinks about his ex girlfriend who he was with for 5 years. He says he is in love with two women at once.

    He and I have a very deep connection and we both say all the time that we never thought we'd find someone like the other. We would talk about our future all the time and we both can see ourselves getting married and having a family someday.

    This breakup came out of the blue. He was crying on the phone with me because he doesn't know what to do because he loves me, but he feels guilty that he still loves her and he said that he doesn't want to live a lie.

    We're in a long distance relationship. He's in New York and I'm away at college in Los Angeles. I'm coming home for winter break on Thursday and I'll be there for a month. We had plans to be together for two of the weeks, but I guess that's not happening anymore. But he says he still wants to see me.

    We were talking for an hour and a half the night we broke up and he promised to call me back in the morning (we were on the phone at 2am my time/5am his time) but he didn't call. I'm just going to let the situation breathe and I'm not going to contact him. It will give both of us time to think and I think it's better that way.

    Is there anything I can do to get him to choose me?
    Unfortunately, he is going to have to come to that conclusion on his own. I understand that this might be hard to accept, but its the truth. There is nothing that you can do to force him to pick you.

    The best thing you can do at this point is to go no contact, work on improving yourself, and give him the impression that you are doing well and are okay not being with him. He most likely will notice this and reach out to you.

    But in all reality, do you really want to be in a relationship who doesn't have you as number 1? If he loved you more than he loved the other girl, he would have stayed together with you. I know its a shot to the stomach, but you need to hear the truth. He chose her over you. Even if he comes back, you know that this girl will be in the picture and I would not reccomend having a relationship with someone that has a long-term ex in the background.

    Also, you are young and in college, enjoy yourself and your freedom for a little. I think you will soon realize that being tied up in a long distance relationship wasn't as great as you thought.

  3. Boyfriend is in love with two women at once.

    This type of situation sucks so hard. This chick I met my last semester at college had just moved down here with her long time boyfriend.. and she started gaming me and sucked me in to this secretive drama-filled pseudo relationship for a short time. That quickly ended and less than 2 days later she is on the phone with her 'ex' and they are hanging out.

    What I'm saying here is that.. through some combination of luck and skill, I managed to get this girl to 'pick me' but she obviously still had feelings for the guy she left and because of that.. we were never REALLY together. This ended at the beginning of September and I know it hasn't been that long, but I'm still struggling with getting over that.

    This reply doesn't address how to get him to 'pick you' but I hope it makes you think twice about getting wrapped up in unhealthy relationships.

  4. Something doesn't sound right....

  5. #5

    Long distance relationships are really hard. Eventually physical distance turns into emotional distance. I think you should be prepared to let this relationship go. Whenever a relationship doesn't go as planned, I use this as motivation to become a better person, wether it means going to the gym every day, reading more, or just addressing any of my other weaknesses. It's a little painful to look at yourself objectively sometimes, but in the long run its good.

  6. He wanted to end it before you came home and busted him. He's been playing you for attention and has had the other girl the entire time. You're welcome. HH

  7. #7

    Quote Originally Posted by MysteryGirl44 View Post
    My boyfriend broke up with me the other night because he feels guilty that he still thinks about his ex girlfriend who he was with for 5 years. He says he is in love with two women at once.

    He and I have a very deep connection and we both say all the time that we never thought we'd find someone like the other. We would talk about our future all the time and we both can see ourselves getting married and having a family someday.

    This breakup came out of the blue. He was crying on the phone with me because he doesn't know what to do because he loves me, but he feels guilty that he still loves her and he said that he doesn't want to live a lie.

    We're in a long distance relationship. He's in New York and I'm away at college in Los Angeles. I'm coming home for winter break on Thursday and I'll be there for a month. We had plans to be together for two of the weeks, but I guess that's not happening anymore. But he says he still wants to see me.

    We were talking for an hour and a half the night we broke up and he promised to call me back in the morning (we were on the phone at 2am my time/5am his time) but he didn't call. I'm just going to let the situation breathe and I'm not going to contact him. It will give both of us time to think and I think it's better that way.

    Is there anything I can do to get him to choose me?
    The real problem here is long distance, it kills all relationships.

  8. Quote Originally Posted by Hank Havok View Post
    He wanted to end it before you came home and busted him. He's been playing you for attention and has had the other girl the entire time. You're welcome. HH
    This sounds like the answer IMO. You're coming home soon so even if things were getting stale, he would've still at least waited till you get back to at least sleep with you again or fool around. For him to do it before you come home so soon suggests he has someone else. To the guys here, ask yourself, if you had a gf in a long distance relationship would you break up with her before she comes back in a couple weeks, or would you at least wait to have some fun for winter break?

  9. #9

    Well yeah, he does have someone else. He has her. We had a very long heart-to-heart the other night and he finally told me about everything and I believe he was telling the truth. He said that he talks to her on the nights he goes out because she goes to the same area or whatever with her friends. What happened with them, I don't know, but I don't believe that he has ever actually cheated physically. I'm not sure how big the correlation is between when he decided to break up and me coming back. I think it's probably because it has been eating away at him and just can't go through with it. He kept saying "I don't want to live a lie." I asked if he was going to try to pursue a relationship with her and he says he doesn't know. They were fuck buddies right before we got together, by the way. He said that the way he makes decisions is that when he wants two things, he chooses neither. He said he talked to his grandpa about moving back to Puerto Rico (where he's originally from) because he wants to disappear. I don't know that he's actually going to do this. I think he doesn't know what he wants to do. He was so upset on the phone and was crying.

  10. #10

    Quote Originally Posted by Hank Havok View Post
    He wanted to end it before you came home and busted him. He's been playing you for attention and has had the other girl the entire time. You're welcome. HH
    Beat me to it!

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