Goals & Game

When learning game, having a plan and a goal to work towards really optimizes your development and can even speed up your learning curve. When I was learning, I started setting goals and measuring my success based on these and started noticing significant improvements in my game as a result.

The core of your learning is done in the field of course and no matter what you do outside of this, if you’re not putting it into practice at the bars or on the streets, you won’t progress. However, putting into practice the tips in this article in between nights out will really speed up your progression and help you figure out what your next step is on your journey.

1. Become non-dependent on the outcome
Your goal when you go out should be to work on a specific part of your game giving you trouble. Whether this be practicing how to physically escalate, how to attract girls or something else.

A lot of guys go out with the intended outcome of ‘pulling a girl home'. Not only that, they’ll get frustrated if that doesn’t happen or feel they haven’t achieved what they set out to do.

The thing is, there are so many variables on any given night that are out of your control that measuring your success on something like that is only going to hurt you. Over the long run and as you get better, those uncontrollable will not have as much an impact, but will always come into play to some extent.

Instead, it is much more effective to focus on what you CAN control, such as practicing your attraction game, or focusing on good opening and transitioning. If you focus on doing the things you’re working on and not about the outcome, you’ll feel much better. If you are working on approaching direct, then treat success as opening 10 girls direct. Regardless of how the set goes, the fact you opened and took action is a success. You can work on tweaking your opening technique for next time away from the field, but make sure you give yourself the props for taking action and working on your goal.

Focus on what you CAN control rather than setting goals that also rely on things you can't control.
The core of your learning is done in the field of course and no matter what you do outside of this, if you’re not putting it into practice at the bars or on the streets, you won’t progress.

2. Always have fun!
This is absolutely key and yet many guys seem to miss this when they go out to practice. At all costs, avoid being the group of guys who are out to practice and discuss this stuff at the bar. Don’t put loads of pressure on yourself either. This used to be something that held me back when I was learning. When I decided to stop doing this and go out with the only goal to have fun with my friends, things started really flowing and I had a lot more success. Make sure to go out with people you enjoy hanging out with, to places you enjoy and don't forget to have a laugh with each other. Tell jokes, shoot the shit and be the party. Girls gravitate towards the fun guys in a bar. If you’re the group of guys who are having the most fun and bringing people into that, then why would girls want to be anywhere else?

Still work on your goals for the night but make sure you and your friends are having fun, first and foremost!

3. Set yourself goals to practice on a night out and focus only on them
This is an important one and it ties in with out first point. You want to break things down and focus on one particular goal at a time. Instead of going for 5 things at once, focusing on one particular part of your game will get you over that sticking point quicker. For example, when first starting out, there’s no point focusing on approaching, then transitioning, then attraction and qualification all at once. Break it down to just approaching and make that your focus for the night. Aim to open 10 sets or however many you decide and realise you’ve met your goal once you hit your 10 approaches, regardless of how they went. The tweaking can be done through the night and away from the field, but the actually act of doing it is when you hit the goal.

Once you’ve practiced this for a while and started getting consistently good at it, then you can add the next piece of the puzzle; transitioning. Repeat this process, building up each part of your game and eventually you’ll be getting to the level you’ve aimed for. Remember that you’re not bothered about the outcome of each set, but merely in the act of practicing whatever it is you’re working on at the time.

Realising and practicing these three things really changed my game and led me to see major progress. It took me a long time to get to where I am today. Building it up piece-by-piece was the most effective way for me to do it. With game, or any other skill for that matter, the key is to work on one thing at a time, become very good at it and then build on that with the next piece of the puzzle.

Trust in this, follow the three steps above and before you know it, and you’ll be moving through to your next sticking point and further on in your personal journey.