Girlfriends sexual past..
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  1. #1

    Girlfriends sexual past..

    My first post in a couple of years.. but I really have no guy friends I'd want to talk about this stuff with...

    I recently found out my girlfriend of 1 year had been with one of her university lecturers.
    I'd always had suspicions about the two of them, such as when we've been out on dates and she saw him across the bar and wanted to move. I know she looks up to him from the way she speaks of him. I know they meet up randomly to this day, every few months they go for a drink to catch-up. I've never once asked her about these meet-ups.

    We're getting fairly serious which is why I checked her phone. I wanted to know exactly what this relationship is.
    The vast majority of the texts over the last 9 months (the period where we became exclusive) seemed innocent enough, meeting for a drink after work, etc. But then I saw some texts from him over the first 2-3 month period of our seeing eachother about how he wants her and wants to make love to her, etc. Her reply, "i want you to". At this point we weren't exclusive, though she told me during this time she wasn't see anyone, and I'd said the same.

    I'm pretty sure nothing has actually happened with him since we've been together - not through lack of interest on her part - more him being a flake and cancelling. So how am I supposed to trust her when it may be a matter of him deciding he wants to fuck her again?

    The fact that she was texting anyone like this while we were seeing each other hurts - i can remember that stage of our relationship, the things we were doing, and it feels like the entire start of what was to become our relationship has been devalued.
    It also confirms to me that she's quite comfortable with this behaviour; texting/seeing multiple guys at once; she's cheated on a past boyfriend before (they always have an excuse); and she could do it to me. She also obviously doesn't give a shit about marriage, or his wife (whom she knows).

    I know too much, I know this. But I know now. I guess what I'm weighing up is her character. This all makes me feel sick.

    If this was any other guy she'd been with previously I could let it go.
    What I cannot let go is that it was her fucking lecturer. The guy responsible for the grade of her degree. An old, fat, balding failed writer who's married, with a daughter almost as old as her. A guy she thinks is "quite a genius".

    Ofcourse, compounding all of this is my own insecurity. I feel like I don't have such similar stories to tell of my history, I haven't had as much sexual partners nor experience as her. I feel like i've hooked up with the party girl who's had her fun, now she wants to settle down and be the good girl with me. I have to accept her past, whilst accepting my own lack of past.

    Even if I could get over her behaviour; the fact she's cheated before; or the fact she's quite comfortable courting the attention of multiple guys at once; even if I could trust her, the fact that it was this guy specifically I don't think I can ever accept.

    Do any guys here have any advice to give? Ever had to try get over their girls' history? Does it get easier? I don't know if I'll ever be able to get over this, so should I just end it?

  2. #2

    honestly, u already know the right thing to do here. listen to your gut. your heart might not want to let go, b/c our hearts get weak. what if i can't find anyone else i'm as comfortable with, or connect with, or as hot, etc etc. this girl is trash man. go find a decent girl with some morals that match up with yours. don't settle. what she's doing is disgusting, regardless of if she's been intimate with him during your relationship or not. she's hiding a lot behind your back. drop her.

  3. #3

    yeah bro, I completely agree. She's obviously hung up on this guy, and she has the power in the relationship. If you really wanted to get crazy, you could start saying you are going to expose both of them, as a way of getting the power back, as the lecturer will likely freak out if that occurs because his professional reputation will be destroyed if this comes to light, as he is married, and you could use that to get her to quit her bs, but realistically some girls just aren't long term material, have your fun and move on. You can't "change" people in a relationship.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Sep 2009

    If she could replace you with him she would. The guy is married so that is the only reason you are in the picture. Get rid of her and fast. Btw the moment you looked at her phone without her permission was the moment you should have broken up with her. No trust = no relationship.

    GL with the next one.

  5. #5

    My personal rule of thumb in these matters shall henceforth be preached as a general rule:

    If you have to check a woman's phone/email to find out something, then you should not debase yourself by going into her phone/email and simply end the relationship. It's obviously over, might as well leave with your head held high.

  6. #6

    You don't want to be an insecure wreck all your life. You need the girl who allows you to feel confident in yourself and allows you to be the man you can be proud of.

  7. #7

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