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06-28-2012, 11:06 AM #1
- Join Date
- Aug 2009
- Charlotte, NC
If this is a tl;dr for you, just skip to the questions at the bottom. Thanks.
How long does it take to get good at having sex?
So here's the deal. My game is tight. I can open girls with no problem. I am good looking and funny, so attraciton comes easy. I have gotten great at escalating kino, and from my sales experience, creating a connection with girls is easy.
Then we get into the bed. My confidence drops. Despite the fact that I have a tight game, I am bad in bed. I have had sex with 6 different girls, and all of them but 2 were only 1 time. 1 of the other 2 was a girlfriend of mine, and I was so scared of doing bad in bed with her that I avoided sex and made BS excuses. You can only imagine what this did to this poor girl's self esteem.
When I get hot girls and make out with them, get day 2s and stuff, I always cop out and make bs excuses to avoid sex. Most of my field reports I've ever written here that ended in sex actually ended with me pretending to be too drunk to have sex. And it eventually becomes obvious that my confidence doesn't extend to the bedroom. I've been involved in game for a long time, and it's really fucking with my head now that I can do everything but the goal.
Now, it's getting to the point where it's affecting my game. When I go approach, the last failed sex session where I busted in 2 minutes comes to mind. When I'm making out with her, on the back of my and I'm thinking "Yeah but I can't make her come".
Recently, I was with a gorgeous British girl, and got her in bed. I banged her for about 2 minutes and came. I told her I was just tired. The next time we met up I had sex with her again and went soft right off the bat. I told her I just hadn't had sex in a while, and she answered that with an incredible blowjob that got me hard enough to have sex. We had sex for like 4 minutes before I busted again. I gave another lame ass excuse. We then woke up at like 3 in the morning randomly and had sex again...and once again it took me forever to get it up, and when I finally did, I actually lasted about 10 minutes, which wasn't too bad I guess.
She broke things off with me the next day, and it's obviously because I was insecure about being bad at sex. I feel like the difference between me being some charismatic guy that burns out a lot and legitimately being on some of the top PUA's level is simply not being good in bed.
So here are a few questions I'd like answered.
-How long does it take once you start having sex regularly to get good at it?
-To what extent should I tell girls I am bad in bed?
-How the hell do I get a girl who is experienced and just wants good sex to be patient enough with me while I develop my stamina and skill?
06-28-2012, 12:14 PM #2
There seems to be a tolerance curve that increases with more exposure to sex and masturbation. Usually if you whack it frequently enough you get a little numb to sexual stimulation because it's not as efficient as masturbation...so the guys who have spent a lot of time with Palma Anderson are usually able to last for the better part of an hour. As far as getting hard, that's not something I can speak to except I know nerves play a part in it. You might want to have 1-2 drinks (not more) just to loosen you up and shake the anxiety.
As one of these experienced girls who just wants good sex... the problem is that if the lady is not emotionally invested in you by the time you start having these issues and she IS sex-perienced, she will bail. You may need to go old school and spend a little more time in courtship and dedicate a bit of time to just fooling around before getting around to sex. There's a reason that in high school and sometimes early college, people date for weeks or months before getting to sex. That said, don't let the lack of experience turn you into a defensive, depressed little pussy. Treat it like an opportunity to find a "trainer." If I were single and met a guy I really liked and he was sexually inexperienced but had a great, adventurous attitude, I'd be cool with it. Just don't do the stupid shit SO many guys do: play it off, don't say anything, or make us pity you by being insecure about it. Such a turn-off and it's impossible to tell if you are actually aware of the deficiency and interested in improving/pleasing. It sounds like you are, just don't get flustered and never leave a girl with a lady boner just because YOU came too fast... she's probably got a vibrator, you have fingers, and being "good at sex" is maybe 10% showing off how long you can thrust inside her and 90% giving her an orgasm by whatever means necessary.
In the spectrum of good in bed, it basically goes like this (and mind you this is subjective, some women have a ludicrous number of orgasms--I'm skeptical--and others have trouble getting there no matter what):
She won't cum even once, barely feel any pleasure at all, it's over fast, and things are awkward. If he cums he almost makes her feel worse because he will be all insecure and then she'll have to stroke his ego on top of no enjoyment from the act.
She enjoys it a bit but her dynamite still didn't go boom. Maybe there's a little foreplay that's nice but he isn't really taking control and doesn't know how to make it last or do anything to compensate.
She'll get close, but still no release, maybe it was nice and romantic or something though.
She might have had an orgasm, or maybe she just sneezed. Not sure. Eh, it felt pretty good He seemed to have a good time.
Either she came during sex or he made sure she got one during foreplay or after he finished. Bonus points if he was tired but made sure she was satisfied before passing out. Huzzah.
She definitely came, and there was no awkwardness, but nothing fancy really happened. It was solid and she has nothing to complain about, which is unfortunately above-average.
She came, maybe more than once and she really enjoyed herself. Sex was probably really fun because he was playful, enthusiastic, and comfortable with himself. There was zero insecurity and it was just a damn good time.
Guy is good across the board, not only at intercourse but is good at giving head, and is dominant but not degrading. Makes HER want to impress HIM.
Not only is the guy good, the chemistry is great and both are extremely turned on. Not only are there lots of orgasms, there are multiples and they are coming from different erogenous zones (i.e. clitoral, g-spot, mons pubis). Sex so good you break a full-body sweat and can't stand to touch each other for a few minutes afterward. This takes two: if you have a shitty female partner you will never get to this level because she will lay there like a log and kill your vibe.
Usually it takes a close connection and some prior experience with that partner to even broach this level, and it's the stuff she gets nostalgic about later if she's an imaginative fapper. This is where you are basically living out some sort of sexual adventure together, or just having crazed full-body orgasms, clawing each other up in a frenzy. By the end the bed should be soaked and you will feel like you need a shower and about 2 liters of water.
06-28-2012, 06:34 PM #3
- Join Date
- Aug 2009
- Charlotte, NC
What a helpful fucking post. I think I can see exactly where I went wrong here. I rarely come to these forums anymore because most of the advice sucks, but thanks.
"uch a turn-off and it's impossible to tell if you are actually aware of the deficiency and interested in improving/pleasing. It sounds like you are, just don't get flustered and never leave a girl with a lady boner just because YOU came too fast... she's probably got a vibrator, you have fingers, and being "good at sex" is maybe 10% showing off how long you can thrust inside her and 90% giving her an orgasm by whatever means necessary."
Yeah, I tried to explain myself and got all insecure about it. Just out of curiosity, what is the best thing a guy can say
1) before having sex if he's inexperienced
2) after sex when he blows his load way too fast
that doesn't make him seem lame or insecure?
06-28-2012, 08:19 PM #4
1) before sex: just be like "It's been a while for me so I might be a little rusty. Let me know what you like, though." Guys who haven't gotten any in a while and guys who are inexperienced are pretty similar sexually so you can kinda play it off that way. Plus I don't know about other girls but I find it satisfying to end a guy's dry spell. Like I'm nursing him back to sexual health or something.
2) after: maybe josh her a little bit and say "well, that's your fault for being hot." Whatever you say, just don't get too serious. The sky isn't falling. You could chuckle a little, say nothing and just start finger-banging her into oblivion and she probably would think you were awesome. Just no apologies, no acting like you did her a disservice. You came, and she can still do the same if you just choose not to subscribe to the bullshit most guys do where it's over once the man blows his load. That will make you a better lover than many dudes out there who act like "oh well" after the seed is spilt. I've gotten guys to cum 12 or so times in one night, so I am sure most of you can at least handle 2-3 attempts before passing out. And even if your dick is raising a little white flag, you could still finger her, eat her out, fist her, use a toy on her, get her to show you how she gets herself off, or if all else fails you could give her a really good backrub. Bitches love backrubs.
06-28-2012, 09:39 PM #5
- Join Date
- Aug 2009
- Charlotte, NC
lol, you would make a pretty kick ass wingman. Thanks. Not only do I now realize EXACTLY where I went wrong (too apologetic and acting insecure), but I actually do think that I'll have the confidence going into my next sexual encounter to enjoy myself. I'm inexperienced at sex, but I think I'm pretty good at both going down and fingering. I just didn't bother to really please her before or after because of nervousness. Instead, I told her (warning - the following sentence may cause smacking of the forehead) I was nervous because I really liked her. Oooooooooh man am I cool. At least I can laugh about it now.
Also, I wrote some incredible stand up material on the subject. Cannot wait for Monday.
06-29-2012, 07:22 AM #6
Second: No alcohol. It again will kill your boner.
Third: stop thinking of penetration as sex. The whole process from kissing to talking after in bed is sex.
fourth: make sure you are relaxed aroused. Easiest way to do this is learn how to massage a girl. When you get to the point she is naked, get yourself naked (if not already before) and give her a massage. If she is grabbing for your cock and it is completely soft (because of anxiety), don't let her have it. Push her down, take some oil and massage her. Tell her "Lie there are relax whilst I massage you like a good girl". Be authoritative. Massage her back from the shoulders down to her ass. Her legs from her feet to her ass... Then play around with her butt and upper thighs. It is a great idea to do this draped, so just stick a sheet or towel over her. Most girls will feel more relaxed when they are not worried your are staring at her imperfections....
Guys normally get anxious when they feel like they have to live up to something, you have to be ready when she wants it. This approach works so well because you take it EXACTLY as slow or fast as you want it. Focus on the feel of her body and giving her pleasure. AT ANY POINT when you get a strong boner, particularly when you move in to rub her pussy and feel how wet it is, you can halt the massage and have sex.
I like to say stop any attempts a girl makes to touch me, I say "THAT wouldn't be very professional of me" and set up a little fantasy so I am in control. She will be thinking "More your hands higher, just a bit higher, rub there again, omg I can't take it anymore!!".
*Note that you can get condom friendly massage gels, use them if you are using condoms.
*Note you need to watch videos and don't just try and wing a massage. Take a course if you have the time, it will be an extremely valuable investment.
When you get hard:
You have options:
Straddle her leg so she feels your cock on her thigh.
Move to her side to do her shoulders so your cock moves close to her mouth, normally she will take the initiative here.
Drop it into her hands, her hands should be down by her sides.
Use it to rub her pussy
Preventing finishing too soon:
1. Make a promise to yourself that no matter how good it feels, you are not going to come until she has either a) come twice or b) asked you to come. This is more clear cut than thinking "I'm going to try and last longer".
2. When you feel you are reaching the point of no return TELL HER "FUCK, YOU NEARLY MADE ME COME" and PULL OUT. Go straight to going down on her like an animal. Your cock is a GIFT to her pussy. Give it a few moments, and then put it back in. Repeat each time this happens. You'll last longer each time. Also, control the pace. Many women say "HARDER HARDER FASTER FASTER" but know go at your own pace. The key is you remain in control. You are driving and you set the speed. Listen to her and do what she wants, but if she is wanting to go 60MPH around the corner, and you'll know that'll make you crash, DON'T. The thing is that the longer you go on for, the easier it gets to keep yourself from coming. You have to be careful in the first 5 minutes, but after 20 minutes, you'll find you can fuck her harder and faster and have better control. You can start cornering at 60MPH...
3. If the boner is in danger, go down on her. Move your body to make your cock available to her mouth. ie. You go down on her so your nose is facing down rather than up. This just works better ergonomically. Tell her to put it in her mouth but don't focus on it. Tell her you want her to focus on the pleasure you are giving her pussy. Women will at this point take out their arousal on your cock even more so. They focus on their pussy and get more turned on because their attention is not split. You are more likely to get hard because you are focusing on her pussy, and not paying attention to anxieties.
When it comes to condoms: don't be afraid to rip them off to get head. You can always put more on.
06-29-2012, 07:49 AM #7
Birthday, I would kick you out of bed. Ditch the "good girl" haha I was just ragging on that in another thread.
Also women are not all retards... We have a good time or we don't but you can't trick us. The one thing you can do is take anything in stride and be fun when shit goes wrong. Sex is a mess, people cum too soon or not at all, parts don't cooperate, boobs get injured, someone farts or burps or gets their balls attacked by the cat, and life goes on. If you laugh it off and aren't in a puddle on the floor you're a better sex partner than if you try to simply control yourself and her the whole time. Don't get me wrong, I like my hair pulled and a little bossy is good, but Birthday could get you in trouble...the commandeering stuff can turn you into a punchline if you are too serious.
06-29-2012, 09:22 AM #8
- Join Date
- Aug 2009
- Charlotte, NC
I mean, I like to take control, but mainly I just want to have fun and be able to read the situation.
And I give kick ass massages. Honestly, I'm not all that bad at all the foreplay stuff. If I KNOW I'm not getting laid and we're just messing around, I'm sporting wood like a boos and I know for a fact I can give a girl an orgasm with my mouth or my fingers. So just hearing a female say that as long as I have that covered, the sex part won't matter so much is really really nice. I'll just try to view the sex part as my turn and the foreplay as her turn until I can calm down and have more fun with the penetration.
06-29-2012, 10:02 AM #9
Kick me out of bed? you'd have to undo the knots holding me down first.
Seriously though she is right, playful vibe and try not to sound like sleazy porn star. I guess I didn't make the vibe clear. I don't even like the idea of dominance, rather polite leadership but it is all semantics. Dominance makes people think of a prison shower scene rather than what it should be: dancing the tango.
Good girl may best be avoided if you don't understand how to say it as a tease. And especially if you are in bed with XBman. I am very confident through teaching and get away with saying it to young women, old women, dogs, whoever. I always get a good reaction.
I am not sure whether you are referring to pulling out and going down on the girl as a trick - it is just delaying. All I am advocating here is an honest "I just need to hold back a bit because I don't want to pop yet" you can say that if you like. And rather than just letting things go stale, switch to just kissing or anything. Wanting to delay is no shame and what can I say, it is nice when they beg for it back
edit - playful vibe is not appropriate for all types of sex. When it is truly a romantic connection, the vibe is of longing and insatiable desire.
06-29-2012, 11:27 AM #10
You can also flip the script and make it a tease that you pulled out when she was enjoying it, i.e. "you didn't think you were getting off that easily did you" but a word of caution: if you stop everything and kiss and cuddle her only while you are giving yourself this little breather, she will be back at square one when you resume the action. You could feasibly fuck her for an hour and not get anywhere at that rate.
With girls, every time you stop you might as well hit CTRL+ALT+DEL twice.
With guys, it's more like, resuming a videogame from your last save point. Sometimes you have to go back and pick up the same old coins and weapons, but you're not that far off of where you were.
With some obvious significant variation but yeah. It is easy and worth it to keep playing with her. If you are extremely patient, both sexes have much more intense orgasms if you bring them to the edge and then stop, bring them to the edge, stop, and eventually finish them off, the only difference is how long it takes to get there.
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