Bummer - What just happened here? Opinions >
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  1. Bummer - What just happened here? Opinions >

    Basically been hanging out with a girl I met a little over a month and a half ago. I've been seeing her a couple of times a week. I usually call her only twice during the week when I know she's not working to see if she wants to get together, and text her once or twice every few days. I usually initiate the hanging out during the week, and she usually texts me on Saturday to see if i wanna get together. Things started out great. She was staying over sometimes, we were hooking up, we talked about happy we were spending time with each other, crazy good physical chemistry...and so on...3 weeks into this thing, this girl said she liked me, how amazing I was, how could she lay beside me all day.
    I never did anything foolish like tell her I like her or ask her where this thing was going. Tried my best to lay back and let whatever happen...take it slow as possible.
    I've treated this girl really good - taken her out of town a few times to places she's never been, introduced her to new things, new restaurants, listened a lot to her and had good conversations about actual real, deep topics.

    Around two weeks ago, I feel I may have slipped up a bit.

    Two weeks ago...After hanging out with her once on Tuesday, talking on the phone for a couple hours Thursday night, and not hearing anything from her Friday and Saturday, I finally decided to call her Sunday evening and didn't get a response. I waited a couple of hours and tried again - she answered, sounded really out of it and hungover, she had went to a wedding and stayed out all night at the reception. Since we usually see each other on Sunday, I asked if she wanted to get together that evening. She said she was tired, and was going to stay at home. I said "bummer, i was hoping since we hadn't seen each other all week we could get together". (fail) She stated she was sorry, she was really tired, I said it's all good - understandable...maybe we can see each other this week. She said,yeah, we will - we'll see each other Tuesday. Called her later that evening and talked for 20 minutes. After we got off the phone, I felt like I had pushed it a little. Sent her a text before i went to bed saying, "i didn't mean to bother you today with the phone calls - I know you're really out of it - I was on the road yesterday for business and I guess I missed your smile...have a great week, hope you feel better, take care"....she replied "Thanks! I'm sorry I'm so out of it - you didn't bother me - have a good night sleep well". Called her on Tuesday to see if she was coming, she came over when I got off work, watched a movie - we fooled around.

    I had asked her to go to a concert with me out of town the upcoming Sunday, so I know I had that to look forward to. Didn't talk to her for 4 days until she called and asked what time we were leaving. She showed up Sunday morning, we spent the whole day together. Although I felt like something was off. She wasn't being as affectionate as usual. Her kisses back to me were different, ya know? I held her hand a couple of times, I kissed her a few times randomly throughout the day, nothing too heavy. Upon driving home she stated how much fun she had had and how she always has a great time with me. I was pretty buzzed, we laughed, kissed a few times at stoplights. The first week we started talking, she mentioned a DVD she really wanted. I ended up getting it for her and surprising her with it before we left out of town Sunday. On the way back I told her she should bring it over this week and watch it. She seemed content with the idea, we kissed before I got out of the car and she said "I'll see you later this week".

    I texted her Tuesday, asked how her day was, and if she still wanted to bring the DVD over to watch. She replied, "maybe. I have to get all of the stuff on my to do list done. I'll try. I said that's cool, I'll let you get back to it, I'll call when I get out of work and see what you're up to. Called when done with work, she didn't mention coming over so I didn't bring it up, asked if she wanted to talk for a few minutes before I went to bed. We chatted, had a good conversation, said she had to go to get back to her friend that was staying with her.

    I knew she was going to be off work on Thursday, so texted her Wednesday and again, asked if she wanted to come out with me my friend and his girlfriend on Thursday night.
    I got: "I already have plans with my friend Thursday"
    Me: "Oh okay, gotcha. I guess this isn't a good week"
    Her: "Sorry. I only get 2 nights off during the week and I have been putting a lot of stuff/people off lately and I have some catching up to do."

    I simply replied "it's all good no worries, I know you're busy and don't have a lot of free time. Do your thing and enjoy your time off. I hope you and your friend have a great time "

    Never got a reply back from that text...haven't heard from her in 4 days.

    Too much initiation of trying to hang out this week after spending all day together Sunday?
    Maybe I'm expecting too much, but I feel like she would have sent me something back at least by now.
    I feel like a jerk for thinking that she wants to hang out whenever she doesn't have to work.
    She works 60 hours a week and has one of her friends staying with her for two weeks, so I know she's crazy busy. She's also extremely independent. I guess she needs some space and I need to back off. A few weeks ago things were AWESOME - she seemed really into me.

    Have I already screwed this up, or can I still savor this by completely distancing myself and giving her space?

    Am I an idiot for even worrying about this? I feel like something is off, and trying to backtrack my steps to see if I messed up.
    I've done my best to keep things light and fun.
    My main worry is that she felt things got heavy too quick, that I was clingy, or picked up on the fact that I really like her.
    I was simply going along with the attraction (I thought) we both had going
    Or then again I'm obsessing over nothing, or maybe she just wants to be hook-up buddies (completely OK with that)

  2. Catstring theory

    the minute she knew she had you, she didn't want you. Sorry mate, this is a classic description of it.

    Best bet, regain your composure and control. Put a little jacket on and go for a coldout (dont need a full-on freeze out yet).
    You're the prize she must work toward, NOT vice versa, ever.

    It's not over, but you should definitely get some more plans, dates, action in your life.

    oh and NEVER apologise for contacting them. You think a CEO apologises to his workers for contacting them? Hell NO. She's lucky you had time for her that day....

  3. thank you for your reply. all valid points. how long should i wait before contacting her again? i dont expect to hear from her this weekend. if you dont think its completely over that makes me feel better. already planning another date tonight. So is my cling meter high? im still boggled by all this. for as little as we talked and as much space as i gave ger it still seems awry. cant win. i still want to get a hookup call haha. what do you mean by coldout?

  4. #4

    Very bluntly putting it, you sound pathetic. All your "I'm sorry", "Yeah it is cool". etc etc. You are THE Mr Nice guy. You are putting her in a box that you think she fits in, and treating her accordingly.

    Are you sleeping with her?
    Once you start with kissing a girl will lose attracition unless you quickly escalate to fucking. FACT.

    Take two guys, A and B. Say they have both been gaming the same girl down the coffee shop.

    Guy A thinks she is an innocent girl, so he has been slowly getting her attention, having little chats over the course of 2 months.
    Guy B treated her as a woman he wanted to fuck. He got her number and fucked her on the second date. Whilst guy A still goes on pushing their interactions a little further into friendzone each time he sees her, guy B was fucking her.

    Who is limiting this relationship honestly? you or her? are you treating her how you THNK she wants to be treated, or how she NEEDS to be treated?

    the correct procedure is to not even think about contacting her until she contacts you. Forget about it. You reached out, she couldn't make it, it is her job to rearrange.

  5. great info thank you. i do sound pathetic and when i think back i hate myself. I definitely started out as guy B. i was sleeping with her, she wanted to be physical...i gave it to her and it was great. Is there anyway to recover from this or build up my image?

  6. #6

    From what you have said I'd say she has been flip flopping between wanting a fuck buddy or a boyfriend. I think the more you have become a boyfriend, the more she just wants a fuck buddy. But she is having an inner battle regarding it.

    Regardless of her intent, your best bet is to remember and embody all the attractive traits you had as guy b at the beginning of the relationship. Go back to being him.

    Stop letting her off with flakes. Let her know straight that she will have to make this up to you, and tell her how. Avoid Whole day dates and stuff like that.

    No doubt she is using chick logic and thinking for you. She is probably thinking "Oh I can't commit to him, I don't have the time blah blah".

  7. Thanks Birthday for the reply again. Yeah this whole situation really sucks - she's really sexy too so it sucks even more.

    If she wants to be fuck buddies, that is fine with me. I honestly don't know if she's long-term material anyways as much as she works and she's about to be back in full-time school. But I definitely have a huge thing for her, and usually I don't let girls get under my skin this bad.

    Last thing I want to do is things to be awkward.

    What is my next point of contact? Haven't heard from her since that last text Wednesday...It's Sunday now, she usually sends me a text over the weekend, but nothing now.

    As far as still being guy B, those qualities are still there, I just have to drop the neediness and I hope I can savor anything good that's still left.

    As far as the original guy that replied, I asked what a coldout was? I'm assuming it means I need to disappear for awhile.

    As I stated, I did introduce her to things and people that she wasn't used to, took her out of town, etc....from what she said she's not used to anything like that and was always talking about how happy she was to be there with me doing it.

    But yeah, I gotta stop putting it on a pedestal.

    I feel like the "letting her know straight" how to make it up to me is only going to push her farther away. If I ever get a text that says "sorry i've been so busy, haven't talked to you in awhile, etc"....maybe.

    I wish things were the way they were 3 weeks ago. I just don't know where to go from here. Damn, for a good stretch there we were having a couple long, in-depth phone conversations once a week and I was seeing her twice a week, sleeping with her, we were both really affectionate towards each other. She's the one that originally told me she liked me, I never told her that I did, but I'm sure my actions showed it, which I promised I wouldn't do that. I ran into a good friend of hers today and chatted for 2 minutes...I didn't say anything about her.

  8. Quote Originally Posted by pesante View Post
    when i think back i hate myself.

    Never hate yourself for making the wrong decision. Only hate yourself for doing nothing (And even then hate is a bit extreme).

    You played a hand, and it didn't work well, but you played and now you can learn.
    Doing something wrong offers you a chance to learn from it, doing nothing offers nothing.

    Birthday seems to be nailing the rest of this, so i'll leave it to him

  9. Thanks again Maverick. Yes, I was doing so well, and in the blink of an eye it didn't work well. To give myself some credit, the way she exerted herself put off the vibe that she liked me more than hook up buddies.

    I'm already gaming on other options, moving forward.

    How do I let this girl know that we can still hang out, be friends, hook up no strings attached like i'm assuming she wants and that I'm not going to get all lovey-dovy / pushy?

    ignore her all together? haven't heard from her in 6 days - pretty crappy she can't even say "yo" on a friend level.

    What to do if she does send a "hey" text?

  10. #10

    Whats up?
    Hey is for horses
    Match her investment.

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