Need some feedback
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  1. #1
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Greenville, SC

    Need some feedback

    I just got out of a MLTR with someone. The decision was mutual and I feel like I handled myself with dignity instead of whining about it. I'm not here to whine either, I'd really like some feedback though as I'm new to having relationships like this.

    Here is some background info...

    We've known each other for several years as friends but probably 5 or 6 months ago started having sex with each other. After the first couple of times, she brought up "us" and wanted to talk about it. I let her know that I didn't want a monogamous relationship with her which she was okay with. Both of us are musicians and very passionate about developing careers in that line of work. I explained to her that a relationship would be hard and at this point, wasn't going to be in one.

    At that particular time, I lived in a different state so we saw each other maybe 1 or 2 times a month whenever I was in town or she drove up to see me. During this period, she met someone else and told me about him. I was fine with this and we continued our thing as well. I remained consistent with my suggestion of not having a monogamous relationship and didn't act needy or question her about what her situation was with the other guy.

    I ended up moving back to the same state she lives in a few weeks ago have seen her several times. Everything was normal. Last night her and I went out with friends and had an excellent time together. She was extremely loving towards me and didn't act strange at all.

    I took her back to my place and during sex, she started crying. To sum up her reasons, she said she felt extremely torn between me and the other dude. She said she told me she was scared of getting to serious with me and thought that if things were to get serious, she would have to make sacrifices with her goals in life because she would want to be with me. Then she kept telling me that she loved me and how much she cared for me. I have no clue where this thought came from? I've expressed great interest in her goals and have always been supportive of her doing her own thing in life.

    My answer to this was congruent with what I said when this whole thing started. I told her didn't want a relationship and didn't understand why she felt that things would become serious. I then suggested we stopped seeing each other romantically and tried things as friends again to which she agreed.

    She had stay at my place due to her having some drinks while we were out. I was cool with this and gave her my bed while I stayed in another room. In the morning, I had to go into the room she was in get a change of clothes after jogging. Somehow that lead to sex with her again, lol. She ended up leaving an hour or two after we finished.

    During the convos we had the night before and this morning, I remained upbeat and positive. I told her I wasn't angry with her and wasn't going to make a big deal out of the situation.

    I'm extremely confused as to why she acted like this?
    I played this one by the rules - was never needy, didn't initiate meets ups as much as she did, never had/ caused any drama, always fucked her well everytime we were together, and kept other women in my life. The other night, she even ran into me while I was out with one.

    A few days ago, one of her friends started talking about the other dude who acts the exact opposite. Calls every day, asks her questions about me, and they have even gotten into fights because of me.

    What did fuck up here? Any advice on avoiding shit like this in future relationships?

    Thanks for reading

  2. #2

    It's not that you did anything wrong. Just cause you tell a woman that you don't want anything serious doesn't mean that her emotions won't rage against it. She simply couldn't keep her emotions out of it and eventually had to tell you.

    As for avoiding girls who can't keep their emotions out of a fwb for long periods of time, I can't say that I know of any specific way to avoid it except to do what you did and leave once you sense that the line between fwb and relationship starts getting blurred in the girls head.

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