Thread: Mastering Identity
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06-04-2012, 04:57 PM #1
- Join Date
- May 2012
Identity, in other terms is the type of person you believe you are and image you project. You may help an old lady across the street, and in your mind you believe you are a caring person. This is your self-projecting image. This is your identity.
To me, every person (obviously) has an image of what they see themselves as, their ego, and they're actual identity. The thing about identity is we protect that with our lives.
The idea is
Self Projecting Image + Ego = Identity
During the qualification steps, or actually any step in pick up the questions we ask must address either the self projecting image or the identity. Never the ego.
People have an inherent need to perform in a manner consistent with how they see themselves and with how they think others perceive them.
A great example is you getting frustrated and saying "come on, please do it", or "i just knew this was going to be a problem, i just knew you weren't going to do this", or "i dont know why i bothered to count on you." In basic psychology terms, this does not work at all because you are addressing their actions and not their identity, which in turn makes an ego rise to justify behavior instead of change it.
Lets say you asked someone to work on some files for you over the next two weeks. Dont say "How are they coming " or "Shouldnt you have started by now?" Because this provides opportunity for excuse or a chance to back out and they would begin to make excuses. You are addressing their actions, and they can careless whether they do them or not in reality. That's why people wait until last second.
Say instead, "You know, Sally, I appreciate your helping me with those files. I respect fact that you're the kind of person who not only offers to help but follows through until she gets the job done." You see how you re-framed the situation saying since you are a good person you will do them. Everyone wants to believe they are a who follows through. Subconsciously, she wants to believe she is a good person who follows through. So therefore to protect this NEW IDENTITY and SELF-IMAGE she will do these files. She will do anything to not be seen as person who doesn't follow through, because this will hurt her ego and self-projecting image.
When talking to people, asking questions ,or asking for a favor associate identity's and notice the difference. Instead of saying "Stop complaining just come home with me" if logistics are bad during a pick-up, say "Your the type of girl who goes for what she wants,right? And I know how bad you want this, don't you?"
Another prime example of associating identitys,
"I really do want to come Playboy Genius, I really do but my boyfriend's been asking alot about where I've been. I'm sorry but I can't come out with you."
Bad Response: "Wow he's being an idiot don't listen to him just come."
A better response would be to address and re-frame her identity
Good Response: "I thought you were the type of girl who was a little more independent. Guess I was wrong then. I'll see you later then sometime. It's cool."
By saying this "I thought you were a girl who was a little more independent", she obviously would comply because everyone wants to be seen as independent. And by listening to this she would try to protect her "Self-image" by actually becoming more independent (this is when ego is involved.) By doing this you are more convincing of her to come out with you due to the fact that you changed her identity to a more independent person.
Now, if you connected this with all of pick up right now you would realize this is some serious shit. While addressing identity's with people you can easily influence them as well as they're behavior's.
Lines such as
Making her qualify herself
"I never seen you as the type of girl to do that. You're not that type of girl, are you?"
You feel like she's lying.
"You like look an honest person. Most honest people wouldn't react the way you did to me. Don't you agree?"
Not only these are great qualification questions, but you can also use these to manipulate her identity.
It's almost like re-framing a situation, but instead a person.
Another little helpful Psychology tool is "The Back Door Persuasion Psychology Technique". Asking someone "What will prevent you from doing this?" or "What would have to happen for this not to work out?" is powerful because you can find out what they really feel about a situation.
For example asking Jane what would prevent her from marrying her boyfriend next year and she smiles and says "I dont know.. If things change.. or something" this means Jane is not committed. But if you ask "You will marry Jack, right?" , then obviously she will say yes and give many reasons why she loves him. Not only is she used to these type of answers, she also believes it because of her beliefs and values within her relationship (in this frame in context). But when stating a different frame, the same question from a different viewpoint (What would happen if you didn't?" it's fascinating how responses change once you give the opposite.
SO basically this is a very powerful persuasion technique. Ask a question in the opposite context, and you will receive a more truthful answer.
Pay attention to these and use these to your advantage gentlemen.
06-05-2012, 08:26 PM #2
- Join Date
- May 2011
Do you have any field reports etc. where addressing a girl's identity really affected the situation (beyond the examples you stated)?
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