Results 1 to 10 of 103
05-31-2012, 03:28 AM #1
- Join Date
- Feb 2009
Where to take it after second meet?
Short version: Met a chick twice from facebook, had an amazing time but I find it hard escalating. Anyone know any good resources that might help?
Long version: I got a friend request on facebook from this chick (no mutual friends in common), but she found me through a music page I liked. Anyway she added me because of my profile picture, as it was something she wanted to always do but didn't have any friends who did it (taking photos of cities from the tops of buildings).
She sent me a long DHV message, so rather than be email buddies I arranged to meet up with her as she was pretty cute.
Met up, ended up spending like 6 hours together in town talking and having jokes.
Talked briefly over the next few days, then met up again. Basically repeated the same thing as first time, spent a ton of time together having jokes, exploring the city etc. I'd established some kino pretty early on, but nothing sexual. Like when we were sitting looking out at the city, it was cool for me to have my arm around her in a friendly way. We also had a ton of deep conversations about our lives, the world, etc.
Basically I just have a bad sticking point with escalating the conversation from the friends phase. After lots of talking about deep things, it seemed almost impossible to bring in anything else. I figure I might have missed the timing to escalate properly, as I figure it should be done way before getting into deep life conversations.
It's not the first time it's happened, I can have a good time with women, but I find it hard escalating the conversation! I just don't have any game plan or such in my mind, and can never see the way to move it forward. Like I don't want to just say 'so when was your last relationship' or something out the blue, as it might look a bit contrived.
Does anyone have any good advice on what I could do differently, or some tips/resources on escalating the conversation? Also any advice on how you would play this situation out. I was thinking of just appearing really busy for the next few days, then probably seeing her sunday/monday (as we're both going to the same rave and I need to give her a bunch of photos). I'm not sure if it would be salvageable at this point, or is it worth just embracing the friend zone.
I've been kicking myself for not being able to progress things more as this is exactly the sort of chick I'd want to date. I'll just look at it as an experience and learn from my mistakes, so I don't make them next time!
Any pointers appreciated!
05-31-2012, 06:02 AM #2
look up threads on Kino, and escalation (especially physical escalation)
Act like a friend, and a friendship is your reward......
She's invested a lot of interest in you, telegraphed it in bold.... capitalise, my friend. And it it all tumbles, who really cares?! you cannot get much more random than this girl is, so practice
You'll only get better by trying things out
05-31-2012, 03:18 PM #3
- Join Date
- Feb 2009
Thanks man! I've started reading up some more on the escalation, and also found some good info on getting out of the friend zone. It's on a 'rival' website, but it is a good read! http://|||||||||||||/get-out-of-the-friendzone/
True about the investment! Some questions she asked I didn't really think about too much at the time, but I realized after she was qualifying me a ton. All in the learning process though!
What do you mean about "you cannot get much more random than this girl is"? I don't really get which bit you're on about
On a related note, she messaged me on facebook today asking about something pretty generic. I figure I'll wait until saturday to reply, and invite her out on sunday. That is, if I can also get this other chick out on sunday (who's also interested in the building stuff). I know that the first chick will probably be at the rave on sunday, but she did say let her know if I'm off out up buildings again. At the minimum it will show I have other female options, but it could get interesting if both of them came out!
Ill go for all or nothing and let you know what happens!
05-31-2012, 10:58 PM #4
- Join Date
- May 2012
6 hours and not even a kiss? Sounds brutal
The best way to get good at kino is to do the opposite of what you would normally do. If you look at any great PUA or natural, they are quick to use hand holding, grab around the shoulder, close front hugs. Physicality and subtext mean everything
And for the situation, you weren't really clear about any IOI's, IOD's, awkward vibes, etc. Was there anything you tried that threw her off? Did she hint anything sexual ? Was there any Teasing? Push and Pulling? Etc. This can help gauge whether your a in the friend zone or not
05-31-2012, 11:40 PM #5
Just mean she randomly got in touch with you (From what i remember) - so she's a random girl. There's no great loss (in social circle, or friendship) if it gets messy...
Be good to see it through though obviously
be real careful about a 2 girl date, especially when one (or both?) are potentials.... jealousy is a real tough act to stay on top of, and can easily run into 'turn off' territory.
I'm never too sure about this whole 'wait a few days' to reply. It works if you have along fuse (someone that waits a few days to reply to you). And obvious you don't want to hit reply immediately every time... but i have no real problem in same-day replies, if that's about the speed they're replying...
Essentially: if she replies quick, and you reply slow, you're almost trying ot condition her to be a long fuse. Callibrate replies.
Silence is best served cold (in freeze outs), otherwise, DHV
06-01-2012, 02:32 AM #6
- Join Date
- Feb 2009
Yeah I'll read into kino some more and try to ramp it up quicker!
And for the ioi's, I checked one of the big lists and these things happened:
She reinitated conversation if there was noone talking (she does talk a LOT, so I think this is just in her personality. If you get her started on a topic, she could go on about it for like 5 minutes lol.) However, when we were with my friends, she was barely talking at all.
Giggles? Well, maybe not giggling, but she definitely smiles and laughs a LOT when we talk. She also mentioned a few times about how happy she was now. Like in the morning she was feeling a bit shit, but right now she was in a really good mood.
The only time I can remember her actively touching me was when she was getting out the car to leave after the second meet. She messed with my hair and ask why I didn't do something else with it. Again, I had no idea how to read this situation. Was she just being random, or was she trying to get me to initiate kino back?
Build rapport and comfort - a LOT. Like I mentioned before, we talked a lot about life and things. She told me all about growing up, parents splitting, school, etc etc. Also she put the conversation onto this, I didn't ask about it.
When alone we always walk in really close proximity. If I'm going one way around an obstacle (like a lamppost), she will follow the same way and stay close to me.
She's pretty playful too. Like she was messing in her bag, so I had a look in and pulled out her passport. She did NOT like this (bad photo I guess), so she had to wrestle me to get it back haha. This would have been the perfect opportunity to get close enough for a kiss, but I didn't. Woops!
Eye contact varied on what we were talking about. If it was something more fun and playful it was strong. But for deeper conversation it was more rare.
I went through a big list of IOD's and couldn't find any relevant ones lol.
Throwing her off. Umm not really. I think I was just too friendly the whole time and didn't do any push/pulls. I did still tease her a bit, more so on the first day than the second (as I couldn't really tease her when she was opening up a lot to me).
And for anything sexual, not a single bit! On the first meet she had something in her bag that she wouldn't let me see (I'd grabbed it but she stopped me from pulling it out). I messed with her and told her it wasn't shameful to be carrying around a dildo.
That's the only reference to sex that I can think came up. No talk about past relationships, current relationships, sex life, or anything! I figure this is something I need to work on, learning to take the conversation down this route without it seeming weird.
From reading all that, it looks like I suck really at noticing signals! Do you think I might have 'choded out' too much, or could it be salvageable?
And maverick, on the second meet some of my friends came out later in the night. Now I know she's added some of them on facebook, so it could still get messy if things fucked up completely! Although, I don't think this would be a problem as they've been my friends for years and shes only just met them.
That does make sense about the replying! I'll give her a ring later on today and answer her facebook message. Got some other things to sort out anyway, so will try do it then.
The other thing is, I don't have any firm plans for the next few days. Its an extended bank holiday here in the UK, so we have monday and tuesday off as well. I've only got plans for Saturday, and nothing for the other days! It would be cool to hang with her, but I don't want to appear like I have nothing interesting going on in my life..
What's an outsiders view on all of this? The way it seems to me is that I should have escalated a load quicker, as she was probably really interested. However I'm going to now be much more into the friend zone, but it's not too late to get out of it.
Thanks for the replies so far, they've been really useful in helping me to evaluate the situation
06-01-2012, 04:17 AM #7
You aren't friendzoned yet... you're not necessarily strictly seduction, but friendzone isn't a worry so far.
You are at the stage of needing to pick a side though - friend or f-buddy.
Also, i'm a UK man myself, so know the beauty of the coming days. See what your friends are up to, plan some stuff with them. Remember, life is NOT all about gaming and sarging...
enjoy the long weekend
06-01-2012, 06:13 AM #8
- Join Date
- Feb 2009
Yeah thanks for the advice man! I'll just have to stick to it
I wrote a reply earlier, I must have forgot to submit it.
I rang her to answer her fb message, and within like 10 seconds she was like "what are you doing tonight, tomorrow, next day, I really wanna come out climb some buildings!". I just arranged to pick her up tonight, but told her where we're going is a surprise.
Gonna go do some illegal abseiling. Good opportunity to get close to her, and she will really love it! I'll just go out and have a really awesome time, whilst trying to get closer to her I'll try some push/pull and see if I can escalate the kino.
Yeah it's just figuring out whats worth doing haha! With all the street parties going on, there's a LOT of potential to meet some hotties. Just need to go to the right place!
06-01-2012, 06:23 AM #9
bloody hell, i almost want to go on a date with you right now!
Look forward to the updates later/tomorrow (tweet if you want quicker replies etc.)
06-01-2012, 02:10 PM #10
Man I read your first post, half your second, and I should have just stopped at:
"Where to take it after second meet?"
Compliment her a bit. Give her a really good qualification.
Kino isn't a one way street. Go for it, push it as far as it will go. If she gets uncomfortable go a step back. You can always protect yourself by laughing things off.
There is no harm in being rejected, just keep on going. I've closed many girls who rejected me along the way. I had an ex girlfriend who rejected me three times before I managed to close her. the first time I kissed her she said "I can't do this it feels weird!". I just had to build more comfort and then BOOM, f-close. A week later she was told me she loved me and I loved her. I have asked girls to go home with me and been rejected. 10 minutes Later when I asked again they accepted! Rejection is a chance to show persistence. I just always believe that I know better than the girl. I know they want it, cocky as can be but I have been right so far.
By ctspeed in forum The 18-21 ForumReplies: 7Last Post: 06-09-2012, 02:57 PM
By 0b1 in forum RelationshipsReplies: 2Last Post: 11-29-2011, 08:56 PM
By Aexexx in forum London LairReplies: 2Last Post: 11-04-2011, 12:58 PM
By Energie in forum Field ReportsReplies: 4Last Post: 08-10-2009, 02:07 PM
By Zerc in forum NorwegianReplies: 2Last Post: 06-14-2007, 11:02 PM