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05-25-2012, 10:13 AM #1
- Join Date
- May 2012
Im new here, but ive been back on forth on the website looking for tips and advice etc.
What shall i expect now, if anything?
Figured why not be direct and post.
Going to speak in 3rd person, makes it easier to be objective.
Guy meets girl. The girl is part of his group of friends, its first time they meet.
They get along, they speak, turns out she was in a 5 year relationship and got NC, no closure no nothing (turns out ex was seeing someone else).
Him being clueless started to make a move towards a relationship, she says no. They become friends, he plays all his hands and eventually they date, he sleeps with her and then shit hits the fan and he hears ''lets get back to being friends where moving too fast.''
He got in too deep and found it difficult to move past so he accepted the terms and conditions. Became friends and made out once or twice on a rare occasion.
They fight for reasons he cant understand, he loses his head and tells her to stuff it and he wants nothing to do with her anymore.
She starts crying hysterically to a friend, says the usual i miss him i want him etc, he crumbles and calls her to tell her its okay. But never cross the line.
A few days pass and shes still calling him at night with no intention of anything (turns out he is her security blanket and has been all along)
He gets pissed off at himself and relises attachment is pretty much gone, and he wants to get closure in order for him to be a friend and not feel guilty moving on.
The texts go as follow:
Him:I need to speak to you
Him:I want full closure in respect to us
Her:Ok, Well in terms of me and you were friends and always will be. I dont see it being anything more. And i dont want it to be, i like us as friends and thats not what i want to lose..
Is that what you meant in terms of closure?
him:yup, ths way i can move on without guilt.thanks hun
Her: Thats ok. Are we good? Youre not going to desert me are you?
Him:Lol nah, just didnt feel rite moving on, just wanted to hear you say it, this way i dont have to feel guilty moving on
Her:hmm ok.. Your not going to be horrible to me now r u? ur worrying me
Him: y would i do that? it means were friends with no future in those terms. I just wnt feel guilty with someone else.
Her:Wow thats a really wierd though..you and someone..thought you wernt into girls. Well im gna be a mad cat lady when im older thats my aim.
Him: Lol, not into girls, last i checked your a girl and i was into you. dont worry ill find you someone else.
Her: some random comment
Him: random reply
Has not spoken to her since. She always keeps guys around as a backburner, turns out she thought she was special. She had no idea he can get another girl, although she has heard rumours he is more then capable.
What shall he expect now, if anything?
What should he do apart from move on to other girls.
05-25-2012, 10:56 AM #2
- Join Date
- May 2012
Most recent update.
She has gone back to one of her old friends that she refused to talk to because he didnt contact her as much as she wanted.
Turns out she had more back ups than i thought.
05-25-2012, 07:49 PM #3
Move on bro. Trust me. It isn't worth it. You put her on a pedastal and she took you for a bit of a ride. She obviously has the mentality that she can get what she wants and can have any pick.
In one of the previous posts i made...I had something happen like that recent. I forget which one but it was remotely similar to what is going on with you. I moved on...cut her out completely for a short time...then slowly let her chat with me. Started hanging out with more ladies. Didn't hang out with her as much. Even when I didn't have anything to do..she would ask to hang..I'd say I have plans and make things up. She actually got to the point of being jealous and wanted to go on a date. I told her we were just friends and I didn't feel that way for her anymore....and to be honest...its true. i don't. She is a spoiled brat and needed to be told that. I didn't...but i definitely told her i'm not interested in that type of person.
You will meet many women that you think will be the one you want to be with. Trust me...just keep moving forward with yourself and with the lessons you learn here and the people you meet...everything will turn out fine.
Wish you the best...keep confident and upbeat and things will stay that way
05-28-2012, 12:31 AM #4
05-28-2012, 12:40 AM #5
I want my last post to burn into your mind.
Forget all the blurb you put around it, those 3 comments are the ones you need to focus on. Forget her, forget the background, forget all that rubbish.
Every part of those 3 statements is a problem.
1) why want full closure? - you already had it, so accept it, stop fishing for a final chance. Or else you did want full closure, but then full closure comes from you, NOT from her. Why the hell is she holding the cards on whether you like her?
YOU hold the cards on who you like. Full closure comes from you. ALWAYS
2) without guilt?
Why the hell would you feel guilt?
You have made your intentions clear, she has made hers clear. You have no reason to feel guilt. Holy hell, get this attitude worked out mate. Female prerogative is to make men feel guilty for seeing other women. Which is rightful at times.. but if you're not even in a relationship, then there's no guilt for seeing other women. Remember, her ace card is to have you whenever she wants you, then see all the guys she really wants to.
Read The Red Queen - it'll explain all.
3) Jut encapsulates all those other comments. And the fact you're repeating it.... bad times... who are you trying to convince?
Point being: she loses privileges over you having to explain yourself. You're still pandering to her and being her servant.. she's just implicitly proving that.
You sound like a decent, good, respectful, respectable guy. By the sounds of it, you're outclassing this girl anyway...
Take it easy mate, and go get them other girls - sounds a lot less complicated (said: more fun)
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