Cannot...or...will not
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  1. Cannot...or...will not

    Lets see if this works

    I am furious. I thought blind with rage was just an expression. It is not. Today all I see is tinted with the color red. I was so angry that I froze in the middle of the road while walking back from work and had an angry sort of shiver rack through my whole body. My hands shook when I was opening the door. Good thing I went to the gym afterwards...its funny how I wanted to trade an unbearable mental agony for a bearable physical one.

    So this is how it went down. I joined a new organisation in a new city at the same time as another girl. I thought she was gorgeous (possible case of oneitis). She and I share a love of the same type of music and I know she and I would be good together (I believe she is an ENFP and I am an INTP...and from my past experience with all my relationships...the bubbly E/F types are very attracted to the silent I/T types). I was hoping to ask her out...but never mustered the courage to do so. Today I realised that she is going out with this other idiot in my organisation. At first I was angry with her and him both. But the more I thought about it I realised that females have a shelf life and she is just doing her bit to get her product bought before the expiry date...and he is just being who he problems there.

    It was when I realised that I should be angry at myself for not approaching her, talking to her, asking her out (office romance warnings notwithstanding) that I started seeing red. All I had to do was talk to her and at least I would have had a shot. Instead I turned away from her at every opportunity to talk...I pretended to work when she was around...and although adrenaline exploded through my body each time she was near...I acted disinterested. One of things I need to do after I get my emotional state under control is to understand why I acted like this (I am sure this has nothing to do with logic).

    I am writing this out for two reasons. One...I guess I need to get this out. Being the MBTI type I am, I am a logical, cold calculating bastard....and these feelings of inadequacy about myself are f**ing difficult to handle (I have half a god complex since I have been successful at whatever I have done until now). I guess I need to vent.

    Second...If someone out there in a similar situation is reading don't want to be in my me. My situation is so funny. I want to cry...but can't....because I don't cry (unable to handle the Feeling part of my psychology)....and thus the feelings inside...which I can't logically make any sense of....have nowhere to go. At least if I had taken my shot...and even if I had failed...I would have gone through a grieving process instead of the inadequacy limbo that I currently am in. Pull the trigger man. Even if you will be in a better place than this.

    Fuck it.

  2. #2

    Dude, all she's doing is going on out with a dude. It's not like they're married or anything.

    You need to get your emotions under control and learn to channel them before they get to this stage. Go out and talk to women. Look for an excuse to say something. I've gone up to girls and said, "I really love that dress. Brings out your shape." and then walked away. All I wanted was to constantly say something to someone with a vagina.

    The fact that you're talking about a grieving process for a girl you didn't talk to tells me that you have some serious one-i-tis, issues with inner game, and a skewed perspective. You've put her on a pedestal so I'll help you see things from a more "manly" view.

    Until you're in a relationship, the women in your life should simply be viewed as people whose sole purpose in life is to get your dick hard and fuck you. When they cease to meet this need, replace them. If at any point you decide that the girl is relationship material then you will need to discard this view and see her as someone who means something to you.

    Meet new women and get laid. Besides, being in a relationship doesn't mean she can't talk to guys. Have a conversation with her but be disinterested.

  3. #3

    The only failure that is intolerable is the failure to act. Remember that, always.


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