How do you know when to call quits?
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  1. #1

    How do you know when to call quits?

    I guess this is never a easy question to answer... but how do you know when it is time to break up?|

    An overview of my situation (and a venting rant): I'm 25 and I've been with my current gf for almost three years, and she is my first long term gf. We started off as fwb and it transitioned into a relationship. To be honest, we didn't really have any interests in common, but we just had a good time together and figured over time we would eventually develop shared interests.|

    Fast forward to now. I'm getting the feeling that the lack of shared interests makes it difficult for us to do things together. We always fight over small things and whenever we go on vacation she gets upset over something and will be in a pissy mode for a LONG time. I forgot to mention shes pretty immature and gets pretty emotional and bad during fights. She would get physical or try to throw things if she feels its necessary.

    Granted she is finishing up college and is 24 at the moment, that might play a factor in her behavior. Ive talked about our different interests and personalities and tried to see what her perspective was on it. She claimed that after school she would change, but after 3 years being together it's hard to imagine she would still change.|

    As a result, i think due to the fighting and just the way our interests clash its pretty strainging on the relationship. It's to the point that I don't feel like planning super nice dinners or vacations anymore. It's not really like im UNHAPPY, its more of a point of content, without the happy or romance. She feels aroudn the same way, but still beleives that it could work. However, its to my understanding LTR's are usually like this? (wrong?)

    I dont hate her or anything, and I can't stand to hurt her either. I know I'm a pretty bad softie. I don't beleive my inner game is bad or have any AFC tendencies, so I don't think I'd die from a break up. However, I can't tell if this is a part of that whole "Grass is greener" syndrome that many people get. I still do kinda feel like I am young and need to concentrate more on my work, and that being in a relationship takes up a lot of resources (time/money).|

    Any words of wisdom?
    (Thanks for bearing with the long rant)
    Btw.. been reading the forums for a long time. Very insightful people on here hehe.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Silicon Valley

    Your post reminds me of a great article I read on the subject:

    Basically, you are at level 4 of the relationship pyramid, contemplating the move to level 5. It's a very difficult decision, and I'm not sure anyone really has an answer for it. If you do break up, it will hurt like hell at first, but then you will find someone new, and possibly better. If you don't, you may wonder what you missed out on. I'd say it really depends on where you see yourself in 10 years and whether this partnership will help or hinder your future goals. If your gf is supportive and you think she would make a good wife/mother down the line, then hang on to the relationship. If you feel like she will hold you back from achieving your goals, then let go. Neither decision is easy.

    As far as common interests go, I think it's ok to have different interests as long as you have at least SOMETHING that brings you together. Generally that something is mutual values and common goals. If you want to travel the world and she wants to live in one place and have a family, it might be an issue. If you have roughly the same goals but just go about them differently, sometimes working on your communication will help. Also, you need to draw boundaries as far as the physical stuff goes... if she starts throwing things, walk out of the house and let her cool off. College or not, that kind of behavior is unacceptable.


  3. #3

    Thanks Rogue,

    You always seem to have the right advice for a person in distress. That article you linked was really spot on an relatable. A very good read. I guess I always knew what I had to do, I just needed the reaffirmation to actually be confident in my decision.

    I guess the really hard part now is actually... Putting it into action. I never really had to do it before and i just want it to go smoothly as possible. Man this will really suck! Any suggestions in the meantime?

    Thank You

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