He is so quiet….any ideas?
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  1. #1

    He is so quiet….any ideas?

    Hey guys! I have a serious dilemma! I am a very sexually passionate person and have never come across a man who is quiet and reserved as this one! I lost my husband of 10 years and it was a VERY passionately sexually driven 10 years! I have a boyfriend now and we have been having sex for a while, however, I just cant seem to get him to loosen up! He is well endowed so that isnt the problem, he is so reserved and quiet during sex and it is driving me mad hatter crazy! I dont think he has ever been with a woman who has experimented or been as open about what they like as I am so I am not sure if this makes him uncomfortable or what? I just cannot figure it out! He so does NOT take charge! I mean making love has its place, dont get me wrong, but I really want him to just own me….slam me against the wall and have at it…but I cant even get hiim to talk dirty! Any pointers insight…anything! Thanks a heap!

  2. #2

    Start by opening up to him about some fantasies you have, start with a basic plot line and add some detail as you go. Invite him to do the same. As you both tell the story, escalate the sexual detail and involvement. Take turns telling portions of the story and make sure that both of you pay attention and be active listeners. Make sure that when you tell your part you make it clear he's the one you're doing this fantasy with. When he tells his part, as questions that guide things to be explicit and vocal. Make sure to say something like "Oh I'd love that" or something when he hits on something you really like. Give him details that are clear about what you like and what would really turn you on. When both of you 'finish' your story, playfully say that you should both act it out, soon.

    Do this when you are watching tv or driving, having dinner, etc. This will take the pressure off of him to perform in a new way right on the spot, but it will get his mind thinking and breaking down some of the obvious walls he has about sexual expression. You might have to do this several times before he opens up in bed, but in the mean time you'll both have some hot fantasies to think about and build up to when you get it on. Hope this helps...

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Sinner's Paradise

    I agree with the above post. Plus, if he's very well endowed, he might be afraid of hurting you. Maybe her last GF prefers to be in charge so she can better control the tempo and penetration and he thought you'd like the same.

    Talk to him, but focus on the outcome you want rather than what he's currently doing (or doesn't). Guide him, whenever he did something right, make sure he knows it. You may need to lead in bed for a while until he opens up a bit. If he's passive and quiet, it's not likely he'll suddenly be wild and passionate from a talk or two. Sometimes it's sexy to have a girl rips your shirt open and says "tonight.. I'm gonna rape you"
    Well.... As long as I don't see any toys nearby. Otherwise, I will run like I'm chased by Usain Bolt riding a lion

  4. #4

    You have to realize anyone you date is going to be different than the man you loved and spent 10 years of your life with.

    There's nothing that says you have to stay with him if the sex isn't satisfying. It might not be in his nature or demeanor to be that way; it's just not in him.

    You really are free to date anyone you want, and should keep exploring your options. He might be too conservative for your liking.

    Talk to the women and the reasons why they date younger guys - usually it's situations like this where they start going younger.

    You also have to take into account his past relationships, and whether or not he feels like opening up to you about it. And if you're just casually dating - it might not be the time to do that.

    Also, think back to when you were dating your husband, whether or not the spark was there right from the beginning, or it took time to be able to be free with each other enough to get pleasure from pain, or how far you took it with him, and compare that to what you're going through. I'm not saying to meet another man like him, but do think back to that initial attraction and how long that took to be completely comfortable with each other.

  5. alcohol

    I agree with what has already been mentioned above.

    now have you ever made this simple test? got him really drunk? if yes, then how did he behave in that situation. quiet, contemplative, reasonable, thoughtful, etc. ? ( but not sleeping) . the way someone behaves when toadally drunk reveals a lot. if he was quiet, then that's just him.

    still waters are deep; some just don't feel the need to act out like king kong and instead of being mindlessly horny or overly playful prefer to feel-dive into the sensation of making love, soaking you up and feeling (into) you in the subtlest ways possible at first. maybe I'm partly wrong about him, but it's good to let him have it for a while his way but also let him know about your fantasies and desires. if possible through leading by example or voicing them fancies without mentioning your ex but rather letting him think that he'd be the first ever to have it the wild way with you.

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