My brother is marrying the first girl he laid...
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  1. #1

    My brother is marrying the first girl he laid...

    Oh well, my older brother was a 30 year old virgin until last summer when he started dating a 19 year old girl...

    Needless to say, he fell in love with her and invested his all into the relationship from day 1

    I have nothing bad to say about the girl, nothing good either... Actually they haven't bothered involving her into our family dynamics, if they go to my parents house they'd just sit on the couch watching tv while my parents or younger brother are doing something else

    My brother announced they are getting married in June and somehow don't feel it's right for him for plenty of reasons

    Being number one, he has Zero experience in relationships, he never even held hands with a girl before, let alone kissing

    Now even while drives, he does it with his left hand while holds her hand with the right one... (wtf)

    I don't see she is bringing anything into the relationship, he has a good job, while she doesn't even have a job...

    I don't know if I should talk to my brother or just let him be and let reality do its job?

    Should I stay out of it? If you suggest me to talk to him how should I bring the topic up?

    It's very clear for me he wants to marry out of fear of not finding someone so he just settles for the first girl he could get...


  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Silicon Valley

    Bottom line: does she make him happy?


  3. #3

    I know a few one-gina's and they seem pretty happy. Either way I bet if you try to get involved it will go pear-shaped, so it's basically out of your hands mate

  4. It's your brother, if you care about him and don't feel that this is the girl he deserves for the rest of his life you need to let him now as soon as possible. He'll thank you down the line even if, at first, he may be upset with you. You're keeping his best interests in mind, trying to look out for him. Do your parents share your same views? Even if they don't I feel that you need to have a talk with him so he is at least aware of your position. But if deep down he is truly happy then there isn't much you can do. As an outsider looking in you can't always view the entirety of a relationship even if it seems as though you're brother is investing more than she is. This is exactly why you need to talk with him. Do it before it's too late.

  5. I have read your topic and I think that you should talk with your brother bot in a good way. If u say many bad things and non sense reasons, than u will be the bad person in his eye wause he is in love.
    If you think that is not ok only because your bro has not enough experience or he is not capable of doin' what he do, than sorry but it is none of your business. If he think that he finds what he want than you don't have reason to stop him.
    But on the other hand, if the girl is only using your bro, his carreer, his emotions than you should talk and explain what you think.
    Again, you have to do it very carefully, with a proper manner of talking. If that was my brother, I would definetely talk if there is a problem wit the girl.
    Good luck, hard situation.

  6. #6

    ouch, that looks like a disaster waiting to happen. He only dated her 1 year and now he wants to marry her? You can tell him that even if he loves her, there is no need to rush it. It's not healthy to get married that fast. She won't go anywhere.The only way I could see this work is f she's submissive and he's dominant and their cultures frown upon separations. There is a small chance they will live happily married, but that's only if they grow together and not apart. Good luck to him, he will definitely need it.

  7. #7

    Quote Originally Posted by TheRogue View Post
    Bottom line: does she make him happy?

    Well, i guess she does or at least he gets that feeling...

    How ever , is it really enough to feel happy? I know it should, but how many relationships, marriages have gone down the toilet because they rushed to take such a big step without being ready?

    I don't think she is a gold digger, but she just finished high school last year and has no job or interest in getting one.

    Of course my brother doesn't mind supporting her but that is for now... If they do get married, will he pay her university if she decides to go back to school?

    I dont believe it's a good move for him ( she was his 1st kiss!!!!)

    I know it sounds very sweet and romantic to marry your first and only love, but being practical and with the info I have given to u, do you think it is a good idea?

    he even neglects his own job (self employed) to be with her and do what she needs to get done or drive her to places,

    He is kind if like Cameron in Ferris Bullet's day off, even Ferris character says at one point in the movie "he'll marry the first girl he lays"

    I do love my brother but even if they stay together forever I don't think he will be truly happy since he doesn't have any point of reference, he is just holding on to her coz its the first time he feels loved and wanted by a woman

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Silicon Valley

    The guy is in love, and from experience, it's almost impossible to bring sense to him when he's that involved. Relationships I've seen that go like this, people try to warn the person, they get married anyway, only then to realize their mistake. Sometimes they find ways to make it work, and sometimes they don't. However, his head in the clouds now, so it will be hard getting through to him.

    If you do talk to him, tell him you're happy that he found a mate, but you are concerned about him neglecting his work, and also about his future, financially, if his wife doesn't work. Don't say anything bad about her, because that will put him on the defensive. Just ask him how he plans to solve the logistical issues later down the line and what his plan is.


  9. It would be a great mistake to entirely discard the girl. That she is young is not a sin in itself. She might have honest intentions with your bro.

    I agree though that is adequate that you express your concerns and try to make sure they get through a clouded judgement.

  10. Is he the first guy for her? If they're both the first for each other, they could easily stay together and be very happy that way. Maybe it will turn out he picked a good one? I think the real issue here is that at 19, before she's even been to university, she's only just an adult and she's going to be changing personality and interests a lot still over the next 10 years.

    You're in a tight spot. I think it's a mistake to express concerns. If you say anything to your brother, he will probably still marry her anyhow, and will just hate you for what you said, it will create bad feeling for years. Or worse, he'll realize 5 years down the line that you were right, and will resent you for being right.

    Is it possible the reason she is not gelling with your family when she comes round is just because she is so young, maybe also shy or scared of you all? Three brothers, you're probably quite a handful.

    If you want to be subtle about things, you could try instead to introduce a few hot single 28 year old girls into his life and just see what happens, he might realize his mistake all by himself.

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