Fed up of thinking of her
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  1. #1

    Fed up of thinking of her

    Hi all! I postes this in the newbie section, guess was not the right one... Hence me posting it here...

    Well, I joined the forum for the same reason I think most have: getting better with women, being a better version out ourselves...

    As most of us also I discovered the community after a heartbreak. Won't go into details, it's a waste of time an energy...

    I do know I have to move on, I do know she was not the one, I do know there is no such a thing... I do know it's a waste of time to even think of her let alone to try to get her back

    I even know I lasted 6 months with her because if being affraid of losing her and not finding someone, not because we were that good together

    Actually we were kind of two lonely and needy people who got together and felt like love but was only that fear of loss...

    Nyway, I know I am better off without her...

    I know all that in an intellectual level but not emotionally, and sometimes I still get all the anger and melancholia coz of the break up...

    It was two years ago (long I know)

    However in those two years I've shagged more women, even got bj's from stranger girl in a bus while traveling to another city...all in all I have expanded my horizons and met more girls which is rule number one to forget bout someone (I believe?)

    But somehow I feel emotionally I am still attached to "the one who got away" (actually is the one who cheated on me, which is a more than enough reason to forget about her)

    It's like something chemical in my body, like an addiction to drugs ... Even though I know it is not healthy I still think of her, wondering how she's doing, whether she thinks of me or not, whether she ever loved me or not, etc etc

    I dont even consider calling her or see her again... (havent beenin touch with her in these two years either) but miss her a lot

    I am not interested in talking to her, not even for closure so I dont know what to do... (I tried to talk to her for closure sake back when we could, two years ago but she didn't want to see me at all, so I just let her be and respected her decision, despite the wrongdoer was her)

    Ever been there? Any advice?

    ps to make things worse I happen to have excellent memory (not at a Sheldon Cooper level, mind you) so I remember a lot of shite, like details, important dates (first kiss, first sex time, favorite stuff etc which doesn't help at all

    Thanks in advance TM

  2. #2

    How long did the relationship last? The longer the relationship, the longer and/or harder the process of healing.

    Two years is a damn long time. GFTOW clearly isn't working for you because from your post, you seem to be missing a very important aspect of moving on: BECOMING A BETTER YOU!!!

    You're not gonna get over her because you probably haven't spent enough time being you. When relationships end, you need to grieve them and get all the emotional bullshit out of your system. Once that's done, the next step is working on your weaknesses. By improving on your weak areas, you'll become a better, more confident you.

    I don't know how often you go out, but trust me when I say going out with friends and having fun will get your mind off her. Meet new women but instead of having shallow sex and fucking 'em for the hell of it, try getting to know them. You'll eventually realize something really awesome. No woman is "the one" and there are women who are much better than your ex.

    With this realization should come the knowledge that you are the prize and your ex missed out. However, that doesn't mean that you should miss out on the good things in life.

    Getting over a break up sucks but you gotta do it to maintain your dignity, self respect, and pride.

  3. #3

    We were together for six months, two years ago... Yeah actually when I put it that way it sounds like the most stupid thing in the world lol,

    I can see your point.. Though there hasn't been a day I don't think of her or I wonder where did everything went wrong ...even if I dont get emotional about it

    I can go through my day ok, however I feel numb and keep people at a distance ... Even close friends or relatives. I'd just play aloof, and pretend am a world weary guy who doesn't give a fuck bout love and relationships (such a cliche, I know)

    Actually not my parents or brothers know what happened with her, just said to then "we broke up, oh well that's life"

  4. I think the problem is you need to change your thinking. It's amazing but the brain forms neural pathways which strengthen the more we re-enforce it. You need to try and weaken these pathways by thinking about her less and meeting new women. Our emotions are affected by our thoughts...once your thoughts about her have gradually lessened I think your problem will be resolved.

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