Thread: ... I want kids dilemma.
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04-09-2012, 11:03 AM #1
- Join Date
- Jul 2009
... I want kids dilemma.
I'm in search for some enlightenment from the experienced ones. So i greatly appreciate any wisdom shared, advice given or even a bit of your spare time spent on reading this post.
My private life is quite an intricate subject. It turns out to be that somehow i primarily attract girls that are in the "i want to start a family age" (empirically, it is around 25-28 y.o.). I dunno they just gravitate towards me, appear in my life all of a sudden.
So at the moment i'm dating a 27 y.o. girl (she's not the only one, but i'm attracted to her the most), she is extremely conscious about her age, constantly talking about her biological clock. I'm really into her - she's got amazing body, expressive facial features, sexy voice and presence. We've been through 2 fantastic dates - attraction went great, qualification worked out, comfort is there - more over - i believe we have some chemistry going on. What really gets me nervous - she told me very frankly (right on the second date) - i want to find a man and have kids, something like - my time is up.
I know how to lead things further. But the question is - do I really need that? I want some casual dating. I would love to have her as a girlfriend. And sure enough, i want to get her laid - what's wrong with that? But kids... No, i cannot even take care of my cat - that is not a choice at the moment. There are studies, career perspectives, too much stuff to handle ...
What bothers me, is the wicked responsibility - if i were to get her laid and gave up afterwards - i would loose her and would coin myself an image of a "prick". If i stop my advancements now, which is actually a good thing to do in a rational sense, i would befriend and definitely loose her.
Ridiculous. Since i'm not as experienced in this stuff as you guys, i'm really looking forward to your ideas and rationalizations on that subject.
Thanks in advance.
04-09-2012, 11:19 AM #2
Hmm that is a cononudrum, I think you can use the tactic of saying you're not ready without saying it point blank.
Use phrases like:
"I'd love to have kids someday" if she asks when "I don't know, guess I'll see" if she presses for in the next year or two well then you're screwed. You can deflect the question, by saying yes but without saying when. If you never wanted kids, that'd be another story. But there's a way to deflect the question by giving vague enough answers not to lie. If she ups the pressure on you to have kids at that moment and you've been dating for a while, then you can be more upfront with the whole answer. Fact is, you're not lying by saying you want kids someday, you just don't have to say when.
04-09-2012, 02:06 PM #3
- Join Date
- Oct 2009
- San Diego
Do NOT ever rush into having kids. Trust someone who knows. If this 27yr old is thumping that Bio clock thing, Next her. She sounds like the type that will do or say whatever is necessary to get a ring on her finger, and you Do Not need that either. Trust me on that too. I used to be very stupid and naive, so I had to learn the hard way.
04-09-2012, 02:12 PM #4
1. You can't allow yourself to be held prisoner by what people will think post break up. All her friends will hate you, that's a fact of life.
2. You two have different priorities. If the situation were reversed, the woman would drop the man in a second for pushing things too fast... so the question is, why are you still around?
3. Don't be afraid of losing her. If it ends, it ends. You can't live your life in fear of anything, or else you aren't living at all.
04-10-2012, 12:36 PM #5
Well, in reality, "maturing" and being a father is pretty much a CHOICE when it comes to breeding. If you get a girl pregnant, you either decide to be a father, or you don't. Unfortunately there are FAR to many that... don't.
So if you aren't ready, and frankly, no one in their 20s is "ready", then you can explain that to her. You don't have to be a dick, but you can just state that you are "open" to that, just like most people are, but you have allot of life you need to get under your belt before you get to that point.
IMHO she is waving a red flag by bringing that shit up on the second date, who the fuck knows if they are ready to make a kid with you after a couple dates? Often women that get on this line of thought continue to spiral in that direction and get, or come across, as more and more desperate as the months and years pass.
Date her, have fun, tell her "Ya kids would be great some day, lets go eat".
04-15-2012, 09:54 AM #6
- Join Date
- Jul 2011
I'm not sure high quality women behave this way.
If you still like her after that (though, I'd seriously consider nexting her -- she took a big hit in my book by being immature), I'd be seeing other women more and her less. Let her realize that if she talks like that she'll see less of you.
Have you read posts about rewarding and 'punishing' behavior? You should read that -- because it applies directly to your situation.
06-28-2012, 11:54 AM #7Certified Live Training Graduate Lounge Member
- Join Date
- May 2006
I have found that whenever you can be honest and sincere with women, they like it. If on the other hand, you want to try to hide and be deceptive, this can only lead to problems.
If you don't want kids, then tell her you just want a gf. If you're down with the whole family thing, then go for it and tell her. No in between. Do the right thing and be a man about it.
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