Heavy investment to low investment for no apparent reason
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  1. #1

    Heavy investment to low investment for no apparent reason

    Basically the story goes like this:

    high investment -> good date (fun, making out) -> high investment -> low investment (possibly)

    Short version:

    On Thursday (29th) I meet a girl while out in a club with my (male) friend who happens to live in the same student house as the girl. We dance with heavy kino, I number close, we exchange a few texts.

    A few days later I text her and almost immediately she suggests to go to a party. We exchange a few playful texts. The next evening we meet, get to know each other better, then go to a club and as we start dancing, almost instantly she starts making out with me; we have a good time, dancing and kissing, I walk her home. Later she texts: "I had a great time, thank you :*".

    We text for a bit the next day, she responds quickly, texts are often long; I take my time with replying (actually being busy), but my texts match hers in terms of length. Her last text comes around 4pm, I respond before 7pm (as I was meeting a friend).

    Next day I text her in the morning; I get no response so I call in the evening - no response again.

    The following day I text her "what's with the radio silence? ", she responds with quite a long text that she was out at a party with my friend 2 days before, had little sleep and went home to her family (a few hours by train away) to help with Easter preparations and went to sleep early. 30 minutes later I message her that considering our recent texting, I though she lost her phone when she didn't respond for a day. With no response I follow up with something else and get a quite a long response 5 hours later. I comment on it the next day (Saturday), but she doesn't text me back, so I stop. Today is Monday, she's coming back from her home town tomorrow.

    What's the deal here? How come the girl, previously invested in the interaction, the girl I've had a great time and which I took things a bit further with (making out), suddenly seems uninterested? Or perhaps I'm blowing this out of proportion and it is a case of her being busy with "family life" during Easter (though how hard can it be to spare a few minutes to communicate with someone you apparently enjoy spending time with)? Also I am a bit surprised at how casually she mentioned that she was at a party with my friend (I asked him about it, he claims that he wouldn't mind taking things further, but that nothing happened between them, they were just out for fun). The girl is pretty outgoing, so maybe it doesn't mean anything (my friend and her live on the same floor after all), but it still got me slightly worried. That sudden shift in investment is more worrying though. At no point had I previously sensed any reluctance to communicate with me from her.

    What do you think about the situation? Any tips on how I should proceed? For the first time in 4 years I feel like I'm developing oneitis, so I'm planning to resolve this quickly (either way), as I hate the feeling. Reminds me why I don't like to get involved emotionally too much - tbh I don't know what made me get more involved in this case.

    (BTW I can provide a longer description, didn't want to scare people off with the wall of text it ended up being :P)

  2. #2

    First of all, you're not her boyfriend which means SHE CAN FUCK WHOEVER SHE DAMN WELL PLEASES!!! Don't let this make you controlling, insecure, jealous, and beta.

    When you send a text to a girl, it MUST accomplish something. When you get into a relationship type deal, then you can send texts for the hell of it (if you so desire). When you sent the text and she didn't reply, you should have left it and waited for her to reply. You don't want to come off as needy.

    You seem to believe that you should be of higher importance in her life. I've got news for you. That's an unreasonable expectation. Yeah, you made out and had fun but that doesn't mean she's got to suddenly put you on a pedestal.

    I think you need to relax and play the field. She may or may not be doing the same.

    Don't get one-i-tis. It's a shitty disease that strips every ounce of manhood from you.

    Good luck.

  3. #3

    Alright, thanks for the input, man.

    For the record, I did not touch the subject of her going out to a party with my friend with her - and I don't intend to.

    You're probably right about the expectations - I guess those come from my experiences, where if I went more sexual with a girl, that usually made her more emotionally involved and gave me more control. I assumed this was the case here, since some of her texts became slightly more caring-sweet after the date ("had a great time, thank you :*", "[yadayada] how's it going at work? :*"), but perhaps this is more of a "player" girl after all (though I did not get that vibe) and, as you said, just because we made out because she was attracted at the moment, doesn't mean I automatically get special treatment.

    I surprised myself with how this affected me emotionally. I generally manage not to get my hopes up for any girl too early and keep my cool, but this time everything seemed to go really well, so seeing it come to a halt like that was a bit of a slap to the face. I guess this week (when she's back in town) will show if I'm going anywhere with her - if I don't move any further, I'm moving on - I've had oneitis once and it is indeed a shitty disease and I want to keep my balls.

  4. This one looks pretty easy. 2 things jump out at me straight away:

    a) You have changed. you have gone from the cool chilled out texter to the needy teter and she doesnt like it. the moment she realised you were the needy texter was when you called her out for not texting back. i have NEVER called a girl out for not texting me. this always seems to be attractive to girls, i even had one tell me how she liked me because there was no pressure to text back. Buy a copy of phone and text game, this is very important. you will learn that all your texts to her should be interesting for her and not just banal everyday stuff. at the end of the day texting is just for maintaining attraction in between meet ups.

    b) theres a chance she met someone else, prob at that party she mentioned. she might have made out with him or just built a connection or even just seen him from afar. but whatever it is, a reason a girl will change quickly without warning is due to a new player in the game. as she has options, she can afford to reduce investment with you as she has over prospects.

    dude just chill, get back to the cool texter, the relaxed alpha who doesnt get jittery over a non response to a text. show her your needyness was just a blip. and study text game and only send interesting cheeky fun text that gets the banter flowing between you two and builds and maintains attraction

    On a sidenote dude, one-itis can strike you at any time and can occur regardless of how many girls you are gaming. i'm trying to shake off quite a heavy case whilst i am gaming about 8 girls at the moment. Ive found one of the strongest causes of one-itis is this exact scenario when high investment changes to low investment. Its like the saying "dont know what you got till its gone"

  5. The whole thing was tldr but:

    1) Ditch the one-itis. It doesn't matter who she is and how special she is, if she isn't that into you, you are just going to ruin any chance you might have with her by being needy and trying to push too hard.

    2) A lot of times anything "with no apparent reason" involves something else in her life. It might be another guy (ex, new guy, etc.) or it might be something non-guy related. You can't do anything about it other than continue to be a cool, non-needy guy and see what happens.
    Last edited by Smooth0perator; 04-09-2012 at 05:11 PM.

  6. #6

    Thanks for all the responses. So probably something out of my control occurred and I further might have harmed myself by sending that text - my reasoning for this was that I could show some heart now (show that I do give a damn if our communication cuts off suddenly), since I had ignored a few of her previous attempts to get a "sweet" response out of me (ex. "my belly hurts, I wish someone could hug me now").

    Once again, thanks for helping me get my shit together.

  7. I take my time with replying (actually being busy), but my texts match hers in terms of length. Her last text comes around 4pm, I respond before 7pm (as I was meeting a friend).

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