How to forget about the game and just have a normal conversation?
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  1. #1

    How to forget about the game and just have a normal conversation?

    I rolled solo tonight. To an improv comedy gig. It was a first night out in a club setting since... a year, and nothing had changed since then. I still was uncomfortable.

    I also had started to read up on game about a year ago, if not earlier.

    Back then I was a AFC who would go to out alone, see the show, the go home. I would have paid attention to the show only, laughed my ass off, ignored almost everyone else due to being too shy, and just had fun.

    Tonight was different in a way. I was analyzing everyone. Who was with whom, who was a HB7, who was gay, who was a 9,5. Wondering how many guys that cute improv chick on the stage had been with. What would it take to bed her? Realizing that she's probably been with one too many men and not worth the try anyway.
    And thinking I'm a total failure because I didn't feel or even want to open anyone. There was a glass wall between me and the others. Then becoming worried what the others were thinking of me. Was I laughing too loud. Whatever.
    Couldn't really concentrate on the show, felt annoyed by my choices and going home alone. Not that I had ever picked somebody up from a place like this. But today I was VERY aware of everything I was not doing.
    A HB8 was standing with a HB7 few meters from me. She looked away when I looked at her. Then she looked into my eyes again. I SHOULD HAVE gotten up and said something to her. But I was there, holding onto my drink, gazing back to the empty stage again and hoping that the intermission will be over soon.

    The good: I went out alone. I survived. Talked a bit with a nice girl who was checking tickets on the door.

    The bad: Understanding once again something is holding me back. I know the theory and re-frame everything in "game mode". The improv guys on the stage were so sincere and interesting and all I could think of was I need some canned stuff to open people.

    Any ideas to how forget about The Game for a bit and just learn to have normal conversations, whatever they are? How to accept people for what they are instead of seeing them as an AMOG and HB9,87?

  2. First Post!

    Based off this recounting you have made very little progress. You went from talking to no one to talking to a person that HAS to talk to you..that's a minor win at best.

    In order to get out of "Game" thought, stop analyzing everything. What's that good for? So you know who's with whom, who's hot, who's not..if you want to get out of your head and start forgetting about Game, make active steps to do that.

    Just start talking rather than analyzing. It's good that you went out alone and "survived" but don't worry about canned routines and having something to say, the best canned line is honestly eye contact, smile, and "Hi." 2 letters to set you free from the question: How do I forget about game and have normal conversations.

  3. #3

    How do you stop doing anything?

    You become aware of your actions and stop doing it.

    Also, everyone needs a break, including PUAs. Just as there are times when you have to shut your phone off and tune out the world, there are times when you need to turn your game off and exist in a more simple manner. I usually try to time these periods to coincide with family times so that I can get a double dose of "refresh".

  4. #4

    Indeed, thanks. I was really mad at myself last night, so I signed up to an improv class for tonight. It was a blast and I'll start going there. And I need to forget about gaming people for a while too.

  5. I used to suffer with this when I first started gaming. Then luckily a good friend of mine (and future wingman) suggested I just think of the Dr Pepper advert:

    'What's the worst that could happen?'

    He recounted that I used to compete in full contact martial arts, take FULL impact punches, kicks, throws, submissions etc all day and then get floored by a 'look' from a (now when I look back, pretty average-looking) girl.

    So from that time on I just used to imagine the WORST case scenario before I approached (like she pulls out a katana and lops my head off). The funnier, or more stupid, the more I used to grin and if anything, it helped with my first line...

    'If looks could kill, you just pulled out a sword (birds don't know what a katana is most of the time) and lopped my head off!!' (mimic the action it's funnier) do you do that with every guy...blah blah etc.

    It still holds me back, but then I'm aiming for 9s and 10s now so it will be

  6. #6

    Look at the nights you go out like that as just meeting people and being indiscriminate, talk to as many people as possible with no hidden agenda, just make small talk about the club, the people there, the comic on stage, something that happened to you earlier, the heckler, the person who looks like they're 3 sheets to the wind.

    Instead of thinking "is she really checking me out or looking at the bartender", just go "I don't blame her for checking me out, I am awesome".

    Striking a conversation up with the cute improv chick doesn't mean you're going to close her, if anything, you become interesting by association from talking to her.

    Game is partly about tricking yourself into not getting tongue tied or thinking they're above you.

  7. There is a nice thing from nlp that applies here: the way people learn skills.

    Step 1: unconscious incompetence
    Step 2: conscious incompetence
    Step 3: conscious competence
    Step 4: unconscious competence

    So first you have no clue that you cannot do something (game in this case). Then you realize you suck at it.
    Then you go and learn the skill, but you really have to think about what you're doing (like driving for the first few times). And when you can do it without thinking about it, you mastered the skill.

    Sounds like you made it from step 1 to step 2, and step 2 is the hardest one as you realize you're not good as something. Now is the time to start practicing!

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