I think a girl i am gaming at work is playing me off against another workmate!!

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  1. I think a girl i am gaming at work is playing me off against another workmate!!

    Ok so this is a continuation of my thread titled 'maintaining and developing relationship withhot co-worker need some urgent advice!' about me trying to game a girl i k-closed within her first few weeks at the company

    http://www.theattractionforums.com/g...nt-advice.html

    So things have moved slowly, she flaked on the date we were supposed to go on last week, for what i think was a legit reason; her bro was staying over from another city and was supposed to leave that day but got extended by his boss. she sent a msg explaining the situation and threw a few complements my way about how i look cool in sunglasses etc. now i am always wary when girls throw out compliments so freely especially when giving bad news so took it all with a pinch of salt. now i am very unsure about this but as she left that day she spoke to afc at his text to tell him she would be back in a hour as she was going to another office. she didnt say bye to me to my other workmates but went to afc's desk. why?? she didnt end up returning and the next day she told me she went straight to meet her bro...hmmm somthing fishy goin on

    I sent her a text on the evening of the next day (a friday) asking if she wanted to go out on the following wednesday. no response. so wednesday just passed i didnt mention the ignored text but it turns out she was going out for one of her teams leaving drinks (although she would have found out about the drinks after my text was sent. HOWEVER as i left work yesterday i noticed the afc who has been chasing her HARD was getting his coat after quickly talking to her. Overheard a convo today and it turns out he went out with her yesterday. whether it was just to the leaving drinks or for dinner after as well, who knows. this morning i questionned her subtly and it seems as though she did go for the leaving drinks although she said she left early. afc was round earlier (she sits opposite me) and overheard him ask her if that txt msg she sent was when she got home, she said yes and he mentionned he was almost home too. very very fishy..

    so today i send another mail out asking 'do you still want to go for dinner/drinks sometime soon?

    she responds with

    ' my parents may be coming to stay next week but i am free the week after ill text to let you know' . i know this is definitely true as we were talking about her folks

    i respond with

    sounds good. get them over you were so happy when ur bro was round just make sure you stock up on food.. ( shes been living on take out food)

    she responds with some banter, and i dont respond

    What the hell is going on? This guy is so afc its unbelievable, at every social event he follows her around like a puppy dog. me and her have been going to gym together recently and he is alway peaking over his pc at us. i even heard him talking with some other workmates about how he suspected somthing was going on between me and hb9. the other workmates were consoling him saying it might not be what it appears.

    Have i really been played off for an AFC?? she aparently texts him but didnt think to text me last week. i run game on her, tease. Dont show her too much attention at group events. while he worships her follows her around focuses only on her at social events. He is basically the ultimate afc but i seem to be losing?? whats going on??

    p.s before anyone tells me i have one-itis i know this is true. unfortunately i cant shake it.i fucked a fuck buddy last friday and pulled a hb9.5 on the saturday but was still thnkin about this work girl over the weekend. I am gaming about 6 other girls too running text game and meeting up with them.

    its normally easy to next dodgy girls like this but not so easy when shes IN YOUR FACE EVERY DAY!!

    Some advice, please!! Should i have confronted her about ignoring my text?? i act nonchalant when she flakes but is this losing me respect?



  2. #2

    Come on man, P.I. work at work? You sure you're not the one coming across as the AFC? Again, been there.

    Same shit with my oneitis at work once. Had her, screwed up, started talkin to an AFC. Started investigating, shit just got pathetic.

    I wouldn't confront her about anything. Nothing you do is gonna work right now. You said you were going to ignore her. DO IT. You have to get her out of your mind. If that guy is really an AFC it will only be a matter of time till she starts seeing that like mine did eventually.

    Mostly it took me not giving a fuck anymore, to waking up and start lookin at her like PFFFT I can't believe I wanted this female so bad when I would talk to her. Somehow she started seeing it too. F-close.

    Again not saying it would work that way. But if your thinkin about wether or not she's coming to your desk??

    Fishy?

    Saying bye to AFC? Not you.

    Stop.

  3. #3

    As always, Boston advises against workplace pickup. I like my source of money separate from everything else.

    That said, if this chick is playing you against someone else, I'm reminded of the not-so-old idiom: people only treat you how you let them treat you. Obviously she thinks you're low value if she's putting you into a cage fight with someone else. This is hoop theory. Don't jump through her hoop. Stop playing the game on her terms, play it on yours.
    Last edited by boston_019; 04-05-2012 at 04:46 PM.

  4. i have just returned from work drinks and neither afc or hb9 were out but i am sick of hearing about how afc has been telling everyone at work he is 'seeing' hb9 despite only going for a few dates with her. i have now gained a new perspective. this ugly ass afc thinks he has hb9 and doesnt realise i have a) k-closed hb9 while he was plucking up the courage to even talk to her and b) she is still accepting dates with me. of course she could be telling him about me asking her for dates and she may be trying to let me down gently, but why wouldnt she just reply no when i asked her if she still wants to go for a drink?? and how would he allow her to go on a date with me knowing there is a high risk she will want me more? as you prob guessed im pretty drunk and a bit angry. but also in a better place than before. i am amused at this situation now, and how ridiculous it has become. part of me is tempted to just cancel on hb9 date next week, but then part of me wants to meet up with her and inform her of how afc has been telling every man and his dog that they are an item

  5. #5
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    I really would advise you to not shit where you eat. My friend had a similar situation once, and he ended up getting the girl for a while, but after a few weeks, she dumped him HARD and things ended up majorly awkward with her, as well as the other AFC who was pursuing her. If you want any sort of harmony at work, do whatever it takes to get her out of your mind. If you get with her now, not only will you have to deal with consequences of a potential fallout, but also rumors that will be circulating around the company and a very angry AFC who may try to sabotage you with the management.

    If none of that worries you, proceed and try to close the deal. The AFC may think he's dating her, but it looks like she's keeping her options open. She may be the type of girl who just likes to date multiple guys for the fun of it without really settling down. If so, it'll be a constant competition.

    Rogue

  6. Am I misreading something? Has this girl promised that you are her one and only? No, instead she may have lied which shows how low she is, yet you keep getting upset about the other guy. Using the term AFC to put down others only indicates weakness of your inner game.

    You need to find something else to occupy your time. Go work out till you can't think anymore, and if you think about her again then go work out again.

  7. damn... thats the last time i post drunk, what the hell?? i really want to delete my previous post but i will leave it up as a reminder NEVER to game at work once this scenario has run its course.

    Quote Originally Posted by Love Monkey View Post
    Am I misreading something? Has this girl promised that you are her one and only? No, instead she may have lied which shows how low she is, yet you keep getting upset about the other guy. Using the term AFC to put down others only indicates weakness of your inner game.

    You need to find something else to occupy your time. Go work out till you can't think anymore, and if you think about her again then go work out again.
    i see where you are coming from dude but i am not calling him afc to put him down, its because everything he does is afc. the way he focuses only on her, chases her around, the way he worships her, never teases. obviously not preselected etc. i was just drunk yesterday so came on a bit strong!

    Quote Originally Posted by TheRogue View Post
    I really would advise you to not shit where you eat. My friend had a similar situation once, and he ended up getting the girl for a while, but after a few weeks, she dumped him HARD and things ended up majorly awkward with her, as well as the other AFC who was pursuing her. If you want any sort of harmony at work, do whatever it takes to get her out of your mind. If you get with her now, not only will you have to deal with consequences of a potential fallout, but also rumors that will be circulating around the company and a very angry AFC who may try to sabotage you with the management.

    If none of that worries you, proceed and try to close the deal. The AFC may think he's dating her, but it looks like she's keeping her options open. She may be the type of girl who just likes to date multiple guys for the fun of it without really settling down. If so, it'll be a constant competition.

    Rogue
    I see exactly this happening, unfortunately i am in too deep. even the thought of being defeated in this and having to watch them on a daily basis makes me sick! I wish i had never got involved! but now it is too late

    i appreciate all your advice guys, i know i shouldnt have got involved but now i am but i am kind of stuck so any advice on how to navigate would be great. do i bring up the ignored text? should i tell her that afc has told most the office they are an item? im pretty sure she doesnt see it that way yet. she is still accepting dates from me afterall.

    one thing i havent mentioned is that we have never discussed when i k-closed her all those weeks ago. we have just acted like it never happened. should i acknowledge this?

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by boston_019 View Post
    As always, Boston advises against workplace pickup. I like my source of money separate from everything else.

    That said, if this chick is playing you against someone else, I'm reminded of the not-so-old idiom: people only treat you how you let them treat you. Obviously she thinks you're low value if she's putting you into a cage fight with someone else. This is hoop theory. Don't jump through her hoop. Stop playing the game on her terms, play it on yours.
    Boston's advice is solid.

    Look at this from her point of view as if she were trying to pick-up guys. She has two guys coming after her. Of course she'll try to use a jealousy plot line to get you both to chase harder. You, my friend, are her pick-up - not the other way around. Why do I say this? Well its obvious she is living a life of abudance and playing more disinterested in the situation that you are. She is trying to put you two up aganist one another in a battle for her. This boosts her value as well as puts your value in competition with this AFC co-workers' value. You need to NOT compete and step away. Let her know you are BETTER then to waste your time in a fight of value with the AFC co-worker.

    The way you have typed up the scenario it sounds like you are trying to show her the errors of her (giving the AFC a shot). The problem is by doing so you are lower your value in the process. Let her naturally figure out that this AFC's value is much lower than your own. She will return back to you on her own.

    What one of my buddies told me 2010 when I was falling all over myself for this one girl who was going out on dates with me as well as this other guy "Bro, this is not Inception. You are not Leonadro Dicaprio. You cannot go into her mind and plant the idea in her head. Just let her figure it out and realize that shit on her own...' - I listened to him and thought his advice was shit because she started dating this dude. Whatever. I moved on. I got plenty of other dates. I started my current LTR with a girl who is high value then the girl I was previously tripping over. 4 months into my relationship I get a load of texts from this girl (note - she broke up with that douche she picked over me like 2 months earlier) "We have not talked in so long! How have you been?" "My girlfriends and I are going out in Clarendon tonight! You should totally meet up with us!" "We're going to Mister Days! Don't you know a few bartenders there?" - I laughed out loud at these texts and just responded with a "Hey! Good to hear from you. Ya it has been awhile. Not going to Clarendon tonight - going to Club District in Adams Morgan with my girlfriend and some buddies." I shot her down, hard, laughing while doing it. Of course if I was single I would have taken that shot with her but that was not the case. She realized my value too late. Her loss.


    Story time over.
    One thing you seem to do is say you 'ask her out' - No. Asking a women to go out on a certain date is begging for thier attention. 'How about we get drinks on Wednesday' Sounds like 'Please go out and get drinks with me on Wednesday, OK?' MAKE STATEMENTS - NOT QUESTIONS!

    Never ASK 'hey can we go out and have drinks on Wednesday?' be a bit more upfront, couragous and commanding. I personally would text/say something along the lines of:
    Text 1: 'Drinks. Wednesday. You and I @ At drinkLocation'

    For a weekend night (could be used on Weekdays as well - though I find a lower success rate due to the fact people typically have work early the next morn)
    Text1: 'Drinks. Saturday. You and I @ drinkLocation.'
    Text2: 'That is only the first stop. We'll just have to see where the night takes us afterwrads'

    Keep your head up, realize your value (and how you do not need to deal with these stupid games she seems to be playing) and live life to the fullest.

    Good luck with this situation mang.

    - Kcils

  9. Quote Originally Posted by kcils View Post
    Boston's advice is solid.

    Look at this from her point of view as if she were trying to pick-up guys. She has two guys coming after her. Of course she'll try to use a jealousy plot line to get you both to chase harder. You, my friend, are her pick-up - not the other way around. Why do I say this? Well its obvious she is living a life of abudance and playing more disinterested in the situation that you are. She is trying to put you two up aganist one another in a battle for her. This boosts her value as well as puts your value in competition with this AFC co-workers' value. You need to NOT compete and step away. Let her know you are BETTER then to waste your time in a fight of value with the AFC co-worker.

    The way you have typed up the scenario it sounds like you are trying to show her the errors of her (giving the AFC a shot). The problem is by doing so you are lower your value in the process. Let her naturally figure out that this AFC's value is much lower than your own. She will return back to you on her own.

    What one of my buddies told me 2010 when I was falling all over myself for this one girl who was going out on dates with me as well as this other guy "Bro, this is not Inception. You are not Leonadro Dicaprio. You cannot go into her mind and plant the idea in her head. Just let her figure it out and realize that shit on her own...' - I listened to him and thought his advice was shit because she started dating this dude. Whatever. I moved on. I got plenty of other dates. I started my current LTR with a girl who is high value then the girl I was previously tripping over. 4 months into my relationship I get a load of texts from this girl (note - she broke up with that douche she picked over me like 2 months earlier) "We have not talked in so long! How have you been?" "My girlfriends and I are going out in Clarendon tonight! You should totally meet up with us!" "We're going to Mister Days! Don't you know a few bartenders there?" - I laughed out loud at these texts and just responded with a "Hey! Good to hear from you. Ya it has been awhile. Not going to Clarendon tonight - going to Club District in Adams Morgan with my girlfriend and some buddies." I shot her down, hard, laughing while doing it. Of course if I was single I would have taken that shot with her but that was not the case. She realized my value too late. Her loss.


    Story time over.
    One thing you seem to do is say you 'ask her out' - No. Asking a women to go out on a certain date is begging for thier attention. 'How about we get drinks on Wednesday' Sounds like 'Please go out and get drinks with me on Wednesday, OK?' MAKE STATEMENTS - NOT QUESTIONS!

    Never ASK 'hey can we go out and have drinks on Wednesday?' be a bit more upfront, couragous and commanding. I personally would text/say something along the lines of:
    Text 1: 'Drinks. Wednesday. You and I @ At drinkLocation'

    For a weekend night (could be used on Weekdays as well - though I find a lower success rate due to the fact people typically have work early the next morn)
    Text1: 'Drinks. Saturday. You and I @ drinkLocation.'
    Text2: 'That is only the first stop. We'll just have to see where the night takes us afterwrads'

    Keep your head up, realize your value (and how you do not need to deal with these stupid games she seems to be playing) and live life to the fullest.

    Good luck with this situation mang.

    - Kcils
    Thanks for reading and responding dude. Yeah when i ask her out i have always made statements, e.g come for drinks with me next week bring sunglasses etc but i let my uncertainty creep in the last time i asked her out. my intial email was actually "do you still want to go for drinks or are you ok" which was even worse! i ended up cuting off the "or are you ok" when i emailed her.

    So do you guys think i should just cancel next weeks date and just let her get on with afc? my tactic was going to be to increase attraction ( im a good dancer and dress well at the nightclubs- i get a lot of attention on a night out) k-close her during the date, with the theory that i would solidfy attraction with her. but you guys believe i should just leave her and play cold with her?

    i forgot to mention she is only here till the end of june and then shes moving back to her own office which is hundreds of miles away! so i dont think i can just leave her with afc or i wont get a chance to solidfy with her right?

    i really appreciate you guys helping me with this because its been afffecting me real bad these past few days. Good to know there is a community who has your back!

  10. #10

    I will agree with boston and co. saying the workplace is for WORK. But, I've also gone against this rule time and time again, and I have to say it wasn't all bad.

    It was at a place I knew I wouldn't be working at forever, so I didn't care about the rules. I got serious with one girl, and she spoke me up and made me look so good to everyone else that I couldn't be brought down. After we broke up, no matter what she said or did I was seen as the "Top Dog", everyone loved me, most of the girls wanted to (and did) fuck me, most of the guys wanted hang with me (and learn my game). I ended up leaving the place with good friends, two ex's (bitches), four fwb's, two ONS's, and a few makeouts.

    I said all that to get to this point: it can work in your favor. Then again, I don't know how serious you are about this job, which could make all the difference between your situation and mine.

    As far as the "afc" goes, if he's in the position you WISH to be in, he's doing something right. His behavior may be wrong according to the TEXTBOOKS, but not to the girl(s) he's with. Someone who follows her around, may be exactly what she wants.

    I say, if your serious about this job, let the girl go. If you're not serious, go out next week and work your game. If she keeps BS'ing, let the girl go.

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