First date advice

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  1. #1

    First date advice

    Ok need some advice. I just started trying the online dating thing on okcupid just a couple of days ago and well I've already meeting up with someone I've been talking with on saturday. Which surprised me as I've just started and who knows how many mistakes someone would say I made in my message if they looked at it. She has been the only one that has replied of the messages I've sent so far but we seem to have a lot in common and was very willing to meet up.

    So basically, assuming she is who she says she is, I need advice for my date. Its my first real date as I was never able to ask anyone out in high school or college. We'll be meeting at the aquarium saturday afternoon and thinking I might suggest dinner after. But as this is my first real date I need advice on what to do and what not to do. Thanks.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2008

    Dinner always seems a bit too forward and more a thing that couples do together rather than two people who are dating. That's just me though. I'd suggest going for a couple of drinks after the Aquarium, assuming it all goes well there. Then just let the conversation flow!

    Two questions though, do you know for sure this person is real? Just with you saying "assuming she is who she says she is" - seems an odd thing to say. Second, do you have this girl's number? If not, I suggest you get it. I wouldn't meet up with someone without having talked to them on the phone, whether it be just texting or actually calling them.

  3. #3

    First date meetups from online should be thought of as a short window, three hours tops. The reason I say that is that even if you have a great time, you'll exhaust the things to say the next time you hang out, unless the girl talks endlessly (not a bad thing at first). Having been online off and on for over a year, you come to find that you'll see the person and they probably don't look as good as their pictures, or you just don't have the chemistry. There are lots of sublevel things that we aren't conscious of, just that you know within a few minutes as to whether or not this is someone you want to date, have sex with, or next.

    The three hour limit allows for more than enough time to build attraction, comfort, etc, to get to d2. D2 is where you can think about dinner and going for broke. At least that has how it's been in my world.

    As to the phone number, in my experience it's been about 50/50 on the girl being comfortable enough to give you her number. I chalk that up to the other guys that creeped them out or maybe they feel cautious about being online. If the girl offers it up, in my case I don't ask, they just give it out (around 50% of the time). Obviously this gives me something to close the night with. I had a great time, we should do this again, so what is your phone number?

    The aquarium sounds like a great time. Try to keep your nerves down by thinking of the girl as being there because she is into you, you already know that there is attraction there. Just be care free, talkative, but not a million miles an hour. Make eye contact a lot, smile, the basics. If it seems that the conversation is going well, she's laughing and asking questions, you're finding a lot of things in common, then don't be afraid to kino. The hand on the small of the back to guide her through a door that you open for her, or to steer her through a crowd. I'm fond of hip checking when I say something ridiculously sarcastic. This all leads to hand holding, which if you get that, you're getting date 2 and probably can go for a kiss.

    Good luck!

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Los Angeles, California

    There's a great dates bonus book with the Online Dating Course. If not, try the chapter on dates in Magic Bullets, or this.
    Love Systems President, Program Leader

    1 - Read the Magic Bullets Handbook - it's the bible of the Love Systems community, answers 90% of the questions here, and saves you years of time re-inventing the wheel.
    2 - Follow me on The Real Savoy Blog, or my twitter account. And friend me on Facebook for exclusive dating advice I don't post anywhere else.

  5. #5

    The "assuming she is whop she says she is" comment is really just my little comment of online dating in general because I'm still new to this than related directly to how she's been acting.

    So, I don't want to ask for her number or I do? I've been talking with her some decent amount but it hasn't been an extra long conversation.

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