Fell for a lady 10yrs older than me

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  1. Fell for a lady 10yrs older than me

    There’s this girl working in the same company as I am but in different depts. She’s a single 40yr old lady working in the HR dept and I’m a 29yr old guy. One day I found out that she was sick at home, I made her freshly made juices for a week and she texted me that she was actually very moved & thanked me. (Our normal way of communication is through texting as we work in different areas of the same company)

    After a few days of texting casually, I confessed to her via text. Her first response was ” Are u pulling my leg? Do u know how old am I? If you were to know my age u wouldn’t talk to me again.” I told her I didn’t care about her age and she doesn’t need to tell me how old she is. Ever since then, I would always find a chance to pop by her desk with a smile and tease her a little. Our text messaging became very frequent. We would call each other up and chat on the phone for a while at night. We told each other to take this relationship slow and easy so we can get to know each other more and etc.

    For 2 weeks, she was texting me a lot. From the time we start work till night and we’ll end the day with a short conversation. I tried to ask her out a couple of times but she says she’s very busy especially near year end, she suggested that we could take off from work 1 day and go out. She gave me a date but can’t promise me yet till she confirms her time table. (She’s genuinely busy near year end as she’s the manager of the HR dept and she is 24 hours on standby to run errands for the boss)

    I asked her out for dinner after work a couple of times but she always told me she’s going out dinner with her LADY friends. She seems to intentionally say the word “lady” louder to make sure I don’t misunderstand. Even though she’s out with her friends, she would still constantly text me and call me at night before we head to bed. I got frustrated and wonder why does she prefers to go out with her friends than me, it seems she was playing hard to get. And her constant text messaging everyday kind of made me even more frustrated. Constant texting in terms of like every 1-15mins starting from 8am all the way to the night including weekends! She would text me about everything she’s doing and asking about myself as if we are both dating already. I’ve gently reminded her that i can’t keep up with her texting at work, she said to ignore her but the text never slowed down a bit. Frustrated and running out of patience, I told her ” Stop msging me again, I don’t intend to have a cyber GF.”

    She stopped texting me ever since. She was absent from work the next day. Out of concern I texted her & called her but no replies. The next day at work, I popped by her desk to ask how is she. She ignored me and looked very upset. I bought flowers to apologize to her the next day at work. She texted me ” Thx and appreciate it very much but no need for flowers and your fruit juices. We shall remain colleagues and friends and I’m not suitable for you.” I asked her whats wrong and she kept replying the same thing. I told her i know i made a mistake by sending that text that hurt her and not to judge me just on one text. I asked her why wouldn’t she give me 2nd chance. we haven’t went out alone with each other to feel each other but her response was the same. I got angry and told her its fine by me but i won’t even consider her as a friend anymore but just co worker thats all. She replied ” Don’t be so immature. thx. “

    Next day, a co worker of mine had a chat with her. She suddenly pointed at my picture in the company photo and complained why am i so fierce and never smiled. Afraid of getting our co worker’s suspicion, she quickly changed subject. Few days later, I humbled myself and apologized to her. She replied ” Its not your fault, the problem lies with me. Its just that I can’t find myself to accept someone so much younger than i am and i wish we could chat like before.” But ever since then, every time I texted her casually she would take a long time to reply or never reply at all. Confused, I called her and asked her whats wrong and we ended up in a very very very bad argument.

    Since then, I avoided her and stopped all contact for 3 weeks. Then one day we accidentally bumped into her other at the hallway, she smiled back at me and asked me not to be hostile. At first I thought she wanted revenge but i emailed her that night to apologize and she accepted it. We would still smile at each other at work and greet each other. Feeling regretful and desperate to rekindle the relationship before, I apologized to her through text like 2-3 times on different days.A few days later, I texted her asking how is she, she would coldly reply me. Feeling desperate again, I thanked her for forgiving me and saying sorry, she replied ” Stop msging me this kind of msg, my bf is getting pissed off.” (I knew she was lying cos she was out with a grp of colleagues at that time.)

    After a couple of days at work, we bumped with each other at the hallway again. She gave me a nasty look. I told myself to forget about her and move on so I ignored her since then. But at work whenever she saw me she would do silly things like calling out very loudly to a friend of mine, interrupting our conversation. I had to pass by her work space today and she slammed her mouse loudly and signed. When ever she passes the hallway, i caught her several times turning her head to my working area. ( She knows its only me and one guy working at that area.) I would find her staring at me when I’m in the office. She would flirt with the guy colleagues at work. A co worker whom I told him about both of us said she’s obviously seeking my attention. I have no idea what does she exactly want. A few close co workers who are friends with her said that she’s already 40 and feeling lonely and that she’s extremely short tempered.

    Sorry for my bad english and so much details but I hope you guys can get a clear picture of what i am going through now. The desperate and negative feelings i had has subsided and I’m my old happy self but the things she is doing is annoying me. It seems the more i ignore her the more she wants to grab my attention. Yes i still have feelings for her as she is really a nice lady but her immature actions are actually lame. I have moved on from her but if there is a chance i really want to try to rekindle the relationship we had before and progress further. I know I made many mistakes like being short temperd and showing her my desperateness by apologizing to her 3-4x before. At the moment I’m still ignoring her but i still do greet her whenever we bump in each other at work.

    I really don’t understand why is she doing this. Is she out for revenge now? Or did she regret of letting me go and trying to see what’s my response? Or is it both? Or is she out to seek revenge? I’m really confused. I wonder if anyone has similar experience.



  2. #2

    Lol this is some classic push pull type stuff except for the total afc stuff In the beginning. That was horrible btw. Never do that again for any woman you're trying to attract. Since then you've pulled away from her and she wants your attention back. If you play it right you might actually get your date out of it.

    Actually, scratch all that. You've screwed the pooch on this something horrible. Just drop it and move on. Stop talking to her altogether of you have to. Read the Mystery Method and The Game and this forum. There are other books to read but that's where I suggest to start. Also, I like the love systems interview series. Read those two books first tho.

    Honestly sound like she might be a little psycho. Be doing yourself a favor to just move on...

  3. #3

    I agree it is best to learn from this particular situation and move on. You don't want to have to deal with this every day at work! If you've managed to get things back to a normal level, that's good. Leave it there.

  4. I guess I made too many mistakes to savage anything about it. Yes, she's a 40yr old weirdo but that's what really attracted me to her (Her unpredictability) and she's pretty attractive for her age.

    I never knew I could make her so angry by asking her to stop texting me till she was absent for work the next day. Seriously wtf. FYI I will be first to know if she'll be working that day thanks to her constant reporting lol.

    Anyway I've stopped all contacts with her for a week already and I'm in the process of moving on. It still hurts a bit but not as much as the week before. I've decided not to talk to her again other than work related stuff.

    10mins ago, I texted her telling her no hard feelings and that I really liked her before. Wished her and her new love (if she has any) good luck. Asked her to do me a favor and block me from whatsapp. I know i shouldn't text her just now but then since its over and beyond hope, I texted her just to let go of my feelings. whether she reads it or not doesn't really matter anymore I guess. But I would still not eliminate any chances of rekindling with her in the future.

    I know I may sound like I'm contradicting myself. I won't spend my life waiting for her. I'll still date other girls and let fate decide. Its quite disappointing as I never really had a chance to show her the real me.

    Thx Jrock for the links. I'll have a good read up on them.

  5. #5

    Stop texting her "I'm sorry" messages. You have done that a handful of times now. There is nothing wrong with the sentiment, but she is being immature as well, has she apologized? Just be nice when you see her, but let it die, or risk losing your job (potentially).

  6. #6

    No problem man. Sorry if I came off as kind of harsh. Just tying to give my opinion. And you don't have to look at this as over. Just take some time, a couple of months, and work on yourself. Come back as a better you and try again. Or go for something better. Up to you man but I wish you the best of luck.

  7. #7

    Quote Originally Posted by shreddy View Post
    Stop texting her "I'm sorry" messages. You have done that a handful of times now. There is nothing wrong with the sentiment, but she is being immature as well, has she apologized? Just be nice when you see her, but let it die, or risk losing your job (potentially).
    That's true. She is in hr so a sexual harassment claim from her could be seen as worse. Something else to consider and a major reason why workplace romances are considered forbidden fruit.

  8. She might be just toying with me... I don't know. She's really very attractive for her age. She even shared with me who are the guys who confessed to her at work. Either way it still sucks.

    She attention seeking probably worked on me and I guess I've boosted her ego further last night by texting her. I really don't understand this lady at all. It's really my first time meeting such a complicated person.

  9. I texted her thanking for the short moments we had together and wish her all the best with her bf( if she has any). I also made it clear how I really feel about her. She replied thx for the blessing.

    She greeted me with a very big smile this morning. Lol

    Man... She can turn herself so fast! One moment looking pissed then next day smiling.

    I guess she is just messing with my feelings. She's really impossible to read. I never expect a player being able to invest so much time texting and chatting with me on the phone before furthermore she's the HR manager. Where the hell does she find the time to do all these

  10. #10

    Sometimes it takes some women some time to get over some things like age differences. She might have gotten some validation from her friends on whether she should or shouldn't, and odds are they're going to say it's not that big of an age difference, which it isn't. She sounds like she has issues though.

    I would ask the co-workers about the short tempered thing and why she thinks she shouldn't date someone a few years younger than her. If it were a 40 year old man and a 29 year old woman, no one would think anything of it. Usually when older women are a little immature, they're actually a pretty good match with younger guys. But it might just be a self-conscious thing..someone you work with and a lot of hesitancy over what might happen.

    Just take it easy and don't keep apologizing, unless it really does cross the line. I also think she's concerned of some gossip going out about her and you seen together talking. Once you're able to get her out alone, she might be more relaxed, if it's not a place where co-workers are going to show up.

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