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12-05-2011, 08:06 AM #1
Disclaimer: Purpose of this thread is to explain the causes and effects of being needy. Also, this thread serves as a starting point for whoever has entered the needy zone before and seeks advice and guidance on how to get out. I've recently been falling a bit to neediness because of some girl, so I need to remind myself the reasons and logic behind not being needy . This may be long, but read the entire thing, it's worth it and it's good for you.
Neediness & You - Terrible Combination
Neediness - What Exactly Is It?
Neediness is the guy that doesn't have a backbone and allows a woman to control his emotions, actions, logic and essentially his life in general. But, how does this all happen? Well, let's get into it...
Guy meets girl, guy attracts girl, guy gets girl, girl gets put on a pedestal, guy gets his emotions out of whack, guy becomes needy, girl becomes distant, girl leaves, guy mourns, guy doesn't learn, guy does it again but with someone else, etc. etc. etc. and the cycle just repeats. Jesus Christ...How many times have you seen this happen to either you or your friends? Honestly, at this point, most of you already know not to be needy, not to be some d-bag that a girl walks all over and not to be that guy that comes off as creepy because you wouldn't leave that poor girl alone...
But BetterThan!!! She led me on! I was just trying to be the nice guy that she deserves!
HAHAHAHA what!?!? You act like this type of thing is gonna set a girl in the mood. Here's the thing - sure, you can attract women and actually keep them going, but what are you falling into once you actually start to see them as a potential partner? You start putting her on a pedestal slowly and subconsciously. You start telling yourself "Wow, she's really a gem, maybe I should keep texting and calling her, maybe I should show her that I can be there for her, maybe I should be her knight in shining armor!" Fuck. That. Shit. Dude, are you kidding me?
Nope, if you even start to think that she's better than you and start showering her with praise and joy every second of the god damn day you'll just be holding yourself back from any further progress. Here's the deal, you need to understand that women are emotional beings that feed off of a dominant male. Even if you think that's not true, you're just kidding yourself. Every woman wants a guy that can really get her going, take control, be emotionally stable, be there for HER and know his boundaries.
So, to get to my point of "What Exactly Is Neediness"?
Neediness is jealousy.
Neediness is putting a woman on a pedestal.
Neediness is thinking she's better than you and she could probably do better.
Neediness is giving her the benefit of the doubt.
Neediness is going with her instead of your friends to a specific party because you feel it may come off as rude.
Neediness is checking up on her every single day, texting her first all the time, making sure her feeling for you a "genuine".
Neediness is NOT being an Alpha male; it's being a Beta male.
Showing Value and Dominance
So, you're probably wondering how to become dominant in specific situations and how to remain a valued man around women instead of being a needy bitch all the time.
"I got her number!! Now what!?" - Call her, tomorrow or the next day. If she doesn’t answer? Text her two days later. Still nothing? Done. Onto the next one without looking back. My standard is if she doesn't get in touch within those two actions, calling and texting her throughout the days, she's not worth it. You can literally be getting 10 other women that are twice as good-looking, valued, smarter, funnier, sexier, educated, etc. and on top of that, you're the prize here, so what the fuck is the point of waiting on a woman that's obviously not worth your time? THERE IS NONE. Don't get caught up in a woman THAT IS NOT CAUGHT UP IN YOU. She's not putting the time in to see you, she's not working hard to get your attention, she's not giving you shit, and what're you doing? You keep on pushing, you keep on texting, calling, Facebooking, MSM, etc. and she still doesn't take ANY of it. Don't be a fucking pussy and don't allow her to walk all over you. Yes, don't ALLOW her to walk all over you, she's not forcing you to be a doormat, she's simply playing games that you're ACCEPTING. Stop accepting those games and start gaming other women, start getting some more numbers, start working on you and making improvements FOR YOU. Then? You get pussy, you become dominant, you understand, etc. you learn.
"Wow, she's not texting/calling me back!! HELP!!! - No dude, I've seen this, quite literally, every single time I get onto this site. There's always a post concerning a woman that just doesn't call a guy back, doesn't text him back, etc. and he literally loses it. "DUDE, IF SHE DOESN'T TEXT ME BACK I'M GONNA BE SO HURT AND HEARTBROKEN !" Are you fucking kidding me, bro? Do you understand that if she doesn't call or text you back (even if you're getting with each other/in a relationship) that she's most likely busy or doing something? Guess what, dude. You should be worrying more about how much YOU want her, what YOUR needs are, what YOUR life is like, not what SHE'S doing. Remember, you don't care what she's doing because you're too busy living your own life. You need to make your life so damn interesting that she's the one thinking "Omg, this guy is literally on my mind 24/7! Why hasn't he called me?!" You're the confident, emotionally stable guy that knows what he wants in life and pursues it. If she's not meeting your standards or has crossed boundaries that you already had set in stone, DON'T LET HER IN - MOVE ON. Yep, that's right; she's not worth your time anymore, man. She's just gonna waste your precious time that cannot be taken back.
She's being distant!! Why doesn't she want me anymore!??!? - Why? Because you're literally changing roles with this woman. Remember how you're supposed to be the man in the relationship? Well, when you let her take all the shots, the calls, let her make decisions for you, etc. you're essentially giving her power that SHE SHOULD NOT BE HAVING. You're fucking your game up right in front of you; don't let this fucking bitch stomp on your dominant man-like confidence. You gotta make the decisions, don't fucking ask her what to do! TELL HER! Be the man, dude. Know everyone, know your status, know your life, know your friends, know the women that want to fuck you, know the women that are worth your time. Think about it, is she worth your time? Is this girl, the one that you fell oh so hard for, worth all of your time? Your undivided attention? Take these things into consideration. Become extremely all-knowing, be relaxed, be successful, be cool, be calmed. Don't take her role as the woman. Don't watch as she pushes you into things that you don't want to do but YOU DO THEM ANYWAY.
For example -
Her:"Baby I wanna see the new Twilight movie."
You: "I don't know baby, I'm not really into that type of thing."
Her: "Let's just go, I really wanna see it."
You:"Ugh, fine baby."
DUDE! Are you fucking kidding me? Why would you make her MAKE YOU go to the damn movie?! Would you seriously fucking want to watch a movie like that just because she loves Twilight and needs to catch that new flick?! Fuck no! Stop being so god damn passive, it's not fucking worth it. You gotta put your damn foot down and be a man. A woman LOVES IT when you're a challenge, hard to get ahold of because you're busy with interesting things. But, of course, there is a line. Don't yell at your woman, don't be rude, don't be a dickhead, just be you but understand your boundaries and where she's coming from. Don't get me wrong, you can make sacrifices, but don't be a push over 24/7 and don't let her KNOW that you get to her. She needs to always know that you can up and leave anytime of the day or night. She needs to have that edge that keeps her needs met and satisfied. Become challenging and extremely emotionally stable. You need to be the rock in the relationship and you need to control your logic over your emotions - like a real fucking man would do.
What have we learned?
Neediness stems from men who allow their women to walk all over them and not actually stay the same man the women first met. Don't change for women; you need to maintain your frame that she was attracted to in the first place. Keep doin' you every god damn day, keep gaming women, keep gaining social proof, keep getting numbers, keep working on yourself, keep pulling amazing catches that other guys are looking at your like "Shit, he knows what he's fucking doing!!"
Bottom line: You're the prize and she's working towards your attention, not the other way around. Stay confident, stay aware, stay emotionally stable, stay all-knowing and, most importantly, STAY IN THE GAME! You got this shit, it's just a matter of time before you start understanding how to really keep the right mindset and frame. Life is a god damn game, start playing, start winning, dammit.
12-05-2011, 09:27 AM #2Certified Live Training Graduate Lounge Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2009
- Denver, CO
This is a thread of truth and I would recommend people reading it along with Future's "Kill Beatrice" post. I find it's easy, especially when you start getting attention from women that you haven't had in the past, to get sucked in to the needy mindset even though you know it's toxic for you. I know this from experience, but the easiest way that I have found to get rid of it is to have the abundance mentality or, preferably, ACTUALLY have abundance and frame it as her chasing you!
12-05-2011, 01:51 PM #3
12-06-2011, 01:40 PM #4
Can I Change the Thread title to: "You have better things to do than be a bitch" Or just title it "Dont be a bitch". Nice post. Bitch.
12-06-2011, 01:42 PM #5
12-06-2011, 01:50 PM #6
All that smooth talk won't get you in my pants, Im not that easy!
12-06-2011, 04:09 PM #7
- Join Date
- Nov 2005
Kudos. I was looking for a post like this a few weeks ago. This is something I struggle on a daily basis.
12-06-2011, 08:47 PM #8
12-15-2011, 02:17 PM #9
- Join Date
- Dec 2011
That was an awesome read!! Thanks man!!!!!!
12-15-2011, 04:27 PM #10
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