The Guide to Proper Cold Reading

Cold reading is a great way to transition at any point in a conversation, especially after opening. The beauty of a cold read is that if you get it right, you look like a hero and if you get it wrong, you elicit some information, so you have trigger words to work with.

The only time cold reads don’t produce a result or get a reaction is when you don’t complete them. (Any reaction is better than no reaction. Again, something to work with.)

Here is an example of an incomplete cold read:

Nick: You look like you’re creative.
It’s okay. She may respond if thinks of herself as particularly creative, but if some attraction isn’t there, she may wonder “why did he say that?” The intrigue isn’t there, so there is no attraction built.

Here is an example of a complete (good) cold read:

Nick sees a girl in colorful dress with some funky line patters. (Total guy speak right there!) After he opens, he uses this transition, a cold read.

Nick: I love the patterns on your dress. You must be adventurous.
Is she adventurous? How the hell do I know; I just met her. What she will do is get a good feeling from me complimenting her dress and want to keep those compliments (or positive vibes) coming, so she’ll likely say, “Yes, I am.” or at least, “Well, sort of” and smile, and then I have something to work with. I can follow-up and qualify her, asking about something adventurous she's done, etc. That's a real fast track to qualification!

It’s extra good if she just bought that dress and feels super sexy, and says, “Yes, I’m very adventurous. I'm always trying new things.” You get the picture—when she qualifies herself. She’ll only say “No,” if my subcommunication is totally off, (i.e. my delivery sucks or sounds rehearsed).

The key takeaway from this post is that I’m not just dropping a random guess on her. I’m giving a reason for my guess. Women love to know how the outside world perceives them (as do men). The signals she puts out are huge, which is why it can take her an hour to decide what to put on when you just try to find a clean shirt. She should believe that she’s done something (positive) to elicit your reaction.

If you get really good, you can also use your cold reads to frame a woman a certain way, as I did in my example. A woman who likes that you’ve seen her adventurous is likely to be more adventurous with you that night. This is called force framing.

Last point on cold reading—Use statements. They elicit responses. If you ask a question, you bring no value, so she won’t justify her response. (See: “Yeah, but why did he say that?” vs. “Yeah I do. I like to X, Y, Z.”)