Where did I go wrong? (Elevator pickup)

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  1. #1

    Where did I go wrong? (Elevator pickup)

    I had seen this girl a couple times on the elevator. And each time it always looked like she wanted to talk to me for an extended conversation beyond "good morning". She lives one floor below me and every time I had seen her, it was coincidence - I'd get on the elevator and next thing I know it is stopping at her floor and she is getting on.

    So this past week I figured I would fix things so it was not coincidence. I listened for the elevator to start moving, indicating she had pushed the button, then I quickly requested the elevator. Since I live above her floor, it would come to me and then should stop at hers. And vuala, I saw her 3 days straight.

    So on Tuesday, she got on the elevator and said good morning. She really looked like she wanted to talk. So I struck up a convo:

    Me: Good morning.
    Her: Good morning. Long day ahead.
    Me: Yeah, no joke. And I just got back from vacation.
    Her: Heh, then this is going to be a really long day for you!
    Me: Seriously. I've seen you around the building a bit, my name is MYNAME
    (hand shake)
    Her: Nice to meet you (smiling), my name is HERNAME.
    Me: Nice to meet you. So where do you work?
    Her: I'm a teacher in CITYNAME.
    (My parking floor arrives)
    Me: Nice. We'll I'll see you around, have a nice day!
    Her: You too!

    Wednesday I pull the same deal, and I see her on the elevator. I had been working my lines all night in hopes of asking her out, and kept my phone in hand should i get her number:

    Me: Well! Good morning! Funny seeing you again!
    Her: Good morning! (with a smile)
    Me: I guess we set our alarms for the exact same time.
    Her: (dont recall her response)
    Me: How was your day?
    Her: Good and yours?
    Me: Long, but I survived. Hey, you know these 1 minute elevator conversations aren't the best, would you like to go out and get a coffee sometime?
    Her: Sure!
    Me: Oh great! Can I give you a call some time?
    (My floor comes up, and she's expecting me to get off, I wave it off and go down to her floor)
    Her: Sure, my number is ###-###-####
    Me: Ok great. I will give you a call sometime.
    Her: OK!
    Me: Have a nice day!
    Her: You too!
    (She gets off, I go back to my intended floor)

    I didn't call her Wed night, expecting fully to call Thurs night, as I didn't want to seem to eager. I see her again on the elevator Thurs morning, she seemed as pleased as usual to see me.

    Me: Well, good morning there. How are you?
    Her: Good morning. I'm good, and you?
    Me: Good. I was actually just thinking of you - I was planning on giving you a call later this evening.
    Her: Oh ok.
    Me: Did you survive the rain?
    Her: Haha yeah, people in this state don't know how to drive in the rain.
    Me: Haha, well this state is certainly better than others.
    (My floor arrives)
    Me: Well, I will talk to you later tonight.
    Her: OK.
    Me: Have a good day!
    Her: You too.

    I get home after work around 7:30PM, and give her a call not long after (approx 7:40PM). No answer, but I hear her name on the voicemail (meaning the number is not a fake), so I leave a voicemail.
    "Hey HERNAME, its MYNAME from upstairs. Just called to say hi. You can call me back anytime, my number is ###-###-####. Talk to you later."

    I didn't see her on the elevator this morning, 1) because other people messed up my routine (they took the elevator to her floor, meaning the elevator was sitting right on her floor and there would be no way for me to listen for the elevator movement to request it...she would just get right on), 2) I figured 3 straight days was enough - got the number and she agreed to go out, and that was the important thing.

    She never responded today. I called her again tonight, around the same time, this time instead leaving a text, treating it like she never got my voicemail as today some people prefer texts over voicemails and don't do voicemail:
    "Hey HERNAME, its MYNAME from upstairs. Just tried calling. Would you like to meet up for a coffee or a drink sometime this weekend? My number is ###-###-####."

    I'm still waiting for a response. I don't plan on calling her tomorrow, either. Three days straight is overkill obviously.

    Did I stumble somewhere? If so, where?



  2. #2

    Bro, I just wouldn't think about it too much.
    It's one girl in a sea of millions.

    So yeah, don't text or call her anymore, maybe she will get back to you, and you can take it from there.

    Really what you should think about, is how you are going to handle yourself when you see her in the elevator next.
    You don't want to appear butthurt, but not really 'rolling over' either - you are both aware that she didn't respond to your messages! I would recommend distracting the awkwardness with some anacdotes - tell her what you got upto over the weekend or something like that.

    A few pointers on your messages though:

    " Just called to say hi." - DLV. You should have better things to be doing.
    "You can call me back anytime," - Far too available and 'nice guy'. She would have thought you are getting too serious.
    You are coming off as a guy who doesn't have much more going on in his life, and are wanting her to provide the happiness for yourself.
    It's much better to be like 'Oh hey, so there's this thing on, do you want to goto that?'.

  3. #3

    Quote Originally Posted by KiwiPU View Post
    Bro, I just wouldn't think about it too much.
    It's one girl in a sea of millions.

    So yeah, don't text or call her anymore, maybe she will get back to you, and you can take it from there.

    Really what you should think about, is how you are going to handle yourself when you see her in the elevator next.
    You don't want to appear butthurt, but not really 'rolling over' either - you are both aware that she didn't respond to your messages! I would recommend distracting the awkwardness with some anacdotes - tell her what you got upto over the weekend or something like that.

    A few pointers on your messages though:

    " Just called to say hi." - DLV. You should have better things to be doing.
    "You can call me back anytime," - Far too available and 'nice guy'. She would have thought you are getting too serious.
    You are coming off as a guy who doesn't have much more going on in his life, and are wanting her to provide the happiness for yourself.
    It's much better to be like 'Oh hey, so there's this thing on, do you want to goto that?'.
    Yeah, I am not killing myself over it. I was just taken back a bit since this girl, whenever I saw her on the elevator, looked like she was dying for me to talk to her which is why it felt so easy to strike up a conversation (it wasn't like she was some sort of unobtainable girl who looks like she is minding her own business or something).

    Yeah I have no clue what will happen on the elevator assuming she never replies. I will be going back to night shift in two weeks, and frankly the three meetings this week were all my planning (I could have easily gone down with out her if I didn't wait to hear the elevator move). So avoiding the awkwardness is certainly easy. Whether I want to avoid her is the other question. I am always intrigued to hear what BS people give me. In all likelihood, I'll just ask her if she got my messages from the previous week and go from there.

    I never really had problems with the "just called to say hi" voicemail with girls who are really interested in getting to know me, which is the feeling I got from this girl. Girls that I thought I needed to really be aggressive, I would never have just left that voicemail. Oh well...coulda shoulda woulda.

  4. #4

    I could say your opener was weak but the real problem was the 2nd thing you said. No attraction / emotional connection.

  5. #5

    Quote Originally Posted by Domeremy View Post
    I could say your opener was weak but the real problem was the 2nd thing you said. No attraction / emotional connection.
    Which line in particular?

    I mean, I did get her number and she seemed very happy to give it to me.

  6. #6

    Well honestly everything is wrong. No escalation, no cocky & funny or just funny, no kino, no attraction, no rapport, no disqualifiers, etc. There is no "game" here at all.

    If you want to know exactly where you screwed up it's right at the beginning. It's your job to lead and you are not leading this conversation anywhere useful.

    Quote Originally Posted by chipsahoy View Post
    Me: Good morning.It got her talking so the opener worked..... but it's leading down a boring path
    Her: Good morning. Long day ahead.Boring answer, how are going to spin this around to interesting?
    Me: Yeah, no joke. And I just got back from vacation. well looks like you didn't - fail
    Her: Heh, then this is going to be a really long day for you! blah generic boring response
    She is being socially friendly. That is not the same as actually feeling you, being attracted to you sexually, or even being friends. Don't focus on the number, it's the quality not quantity that matters.

  7. #7

    Quote Originally Posted by Domeremy View Post
    Well honestly everything is wrong. No execration, no cocky & funny or just funny, no kino, no attraction, no rapport, no disqualifiers, etc. There is no "game" here at all.

    If you want to know exactly where you screwed up it's right at the beginning. It's your job to lead and you are not leading this conversation anywhere useful.

    She is being socially friendly. That is not the same as actually feeling you, being attracted to you sexually, or even being friends. Don't focus on the number, it's the quality not quantity that matters.
    In a 1 minute elevator conversation, what exactly should one expect? To be making out by the end of the trip?

    So for a girl who I have never met before, who I'd just like to get to know (as she genuinely seems to want to talk to me and know me), I'm supposed to just be all cocky and touchy feel-y. Yeah, I'm not sure that would fly.

    This wasn't some attempt at picking up a girl to #-close/kiss-close/f-close or any of that. I am genuinely interested in her. Do keep in mind that the next day she GLADLY gave me her phone number.

  8. #8

    Do you want help improving yourself or do you want to make excuses for yourself?

    Getting phone number DOES NOT EQUAL being interested. At best it means the opposite - that you just haven't totally creeped her out. Think of phone numbers as a neutral and not a positive.

    IMO the biggest indication of "real" attraction is when HB actually initiates the conversation. Simply responding to your prompts falls into the socially nice or bored and I have nothing to do category.

  9. #9

    "In all likelihood, I'll just ask her if she got my messages from the previous week and go from there."
    I probably wouldn't.

    Asking betrays that you care that she hasn't responded. I would kind of act as if they're not a big deal, just one small thing in a part of your full busy life.

  10. @Domeremy: I understand where you are coming from, but not all girls are like the ones that these "systems" refer to - ones that require a immense amount of skill, and practice just to break through their shit barriers and such. Every so often you do come across a girl who is genuinely interested in you, where the ability to speak to her and get her number isn't requiring of excessive gaming (for lack of a better word). When these girls come along, you don't need to start kino'ing her, or talk cocky, or be negative, or any of that crap just to get any sort of indicator of interest. You can just tell by her body language that, hey, she thinks you are cute/attractive and really wants to talk to you. And such was the case with this girl.

    Moreover, I'm not here to get in a girl's pants within 1-2 dates or any of that. I'm genuinely looking to meet someone, get to know them, and progress from there at a normal pace.

    Quote Originally Posted by KiwiPU View Post
    "In all likelihood, I'll just ask her if she got my messages from the previous week and go from there."
    I probably wouldn't.

    Asking betrays that you care that she hasn't responded. I would kind of act as if they're not a big deal, just one small thing in a part of your full busy life.
    Perhaps you are right. I'll have to think of something if I am lucky enough to see her again tomorrow.

    Maybe just ignore the fact that i even sent them and ask her about her weekend, and tell her about my busy weekend (I was put on weekend shift last minute, so I genuinely was busy :P).

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