How to Maximize your Facebook Profile

How to Maximize your Facebook Profile
by Nick Hoss


I’m going to start this article off with a disclaimer: Facebook is minor, not even being necessary in the context of dating. Don’t be one of those guys who pay more attention to his Facebook profile than to going out and learning real social skills. Facebook is a branch on the social tree, not the tree’s trunk.
As a dating coach and social media marketer, these are the tips I've come up with:

Purposes

I use Facebook as a grounding tool. Any woman I’m adding to Facebook is a woman whose number I already have. Pissing around for weeks trying to convert a girl over Facebook chat is a waste of time for me, and I’d rather use that time to hit the streets or the club to practice real social skills.

My goals are to provide evidence and re-enforcement that I am the cool guy she met in the bar and to give her a little insight into my life outside of what I told her. After all, whatever I am posting on Facebook to 1000 of my closest friends can’t slip through the cracks of truth, right? Or at least that’s how she’ll rationalize what she sees on my profile in her mind.

As a rule, I’m not trying to build “active” attraction. If I didn’t do a good enough job in the bar or on the street, it’s not worth pursuing to me because it will take a lot of effort. (Apply the 80/20 rule.) I’d rather go on a date, work on my business or meet other women. If you’re running around the bar getting four flakey numbers each night and 10 female Facebook friends, you need to work on improving your game. Any additional attraction I’m building over Facebook is passive, and this ready-made attraction has been built through real life friendships and years of gaining comments on photos, etc.

The caveats to this rule (80/20 again) are hired guns and women you meet through social circle. I’ve went out with a couple of servers from establishments I frequent by adding them to Facebook or inviting them to a party or group event. (This is basic social circle mastery.) Sometimes it’s over chat, but most times I’ll just get their number once they are on my friend list and invite them out through regular channels. The key to note is that my value has been built up beforehand, in-person. I’m already a real-life friend and I will see them again, unlike in cold approach. The Facebook request is just a receipt of friendship.

I used this strategy a bit in college with girls from class. Often, I’d befriend girls, add them on Facebook, then see them in the bar. This made me familiar when I’d run into them again. By my senior year, I would always know at least five girls in the bar. (This become important for building pre-selection and social proof with 9s and 10s.)

Again, I don’t use Facebook to work weak closes. Some guys do, but it’s not worth the effort to me. I also don’t message random girls or use online dating for the same reason.

*The most important profile features are your photos, status updates and wall. Everything else is auxiliary and provides minimal returns for your effort.

Photos

I like to have total control over my photos for a couple of reasons:

- I want to put out the best image possible.
- I don’t want my certain contacts seeing me in an unfavorable light

Most important are profile photos—I like to have a damn good profile picture, one that shows me looking my best. This acts like a digital thin slice when she adds me. If she has time for nothing else other than to click “add as friend,” she will at least see my profile picture. None of these tips help if she doesn’t accept my request in the first place.

For the longest time, my only visible photos were my profile pictures. I keep about a dozen of them, and they are all nearly flawless. I have a couple of me posing, a couple of me casual, but the others are of me doing activities I love to do, at special events, and with family, not just headshots.

I have a couple pictures of me with girls, NOT 100 of me in a nightclub with shooter girls, bachelorette parties and other random club rats. If you’re a guy who normally has girls hanging off of him, you’ll understand that discretion is key. You’ll see no need to flaunt your ways because it is a typical occurrence for you. Flaunting means you’re a party guy/player or you’re try-hard, at least in her mature eyes.

Perhaps more importantly, if I was a girl who got swept off her feet at the bar, I would not want to see that you’re a guy who does it every weekend with every girl, or that your are constantly at the bar (which is not the most attractive thing you can show on Facebook). It cheapens the feeling for the typical woman. In the cruel terms of pure status, as a high value man, I won’t be putting pictures of me with strangers as profile pictures.

The key with profile pictures is to get (positive) comments from people, preferably women. Figure out what gets you legitimate comments. As an example, a number of instructors have photos of them giving presentation or speaking to large audiences. This gets a lot of ‘likes’ from former students and a lot of “Wow, lookin’ really professional up there mister ” from female friends. I won’t lie though: you’ll get way more contacts when you have real value and real friends and female friends who are interested in you. You’re pictures alone won’t be the absolute reason for comments.

Photo albums are up to you. I would only make visible ones of pictures you have taken. I have one of a party I’ve thrown. Again, the conundrum is do you want your boss seeing what you do behind the scenes? Be wise in choosing your photos. Some shenanigans may be hilarious to you, but not to a woman you’ve cold approached.

I do not allow any tagged photos of me to immediately go up for public display. Again, I don’t need 1000 pictures of me in nightclubs and honkey tonks around the country in my profile. People have a tendency to upload whole albums of photos at once and they will not discriminate on the quality of what you look like. If I look like a baller in all of my profile pictures but I’m out of focus and in the background of one with bbq sauce on my chin at wing night, it will kill my credibility (and if the photo doesn’t, my buddy’s chirps in the comments section will!)

Status Updates

I’ve found the most successful way to have good status updates is to be doing cool shit, no wit required. There is no secret to it. If you sit home surfing porn every night, you won’t have much to type about (and you probably shouldn’t be touching your keyboard).

The best status updates are having other people tagging you doing cool stuff.

-Doing cool stuff that a woman could be a part of
-Out with other women already
-Have a life

You also gain virtual social proof by people liking your update. When you check-in at Studio 54 with Chris, Derek and Jen, other friends who have been to Studio 54 are liable to ‘like’ your check-in. In actuality, they like Studio 54 and the memory of the last time they were there, but it appears as though they ‘like’ you. Sometimes friends will even leave comments. They get to relive their memories for a brief second in your glow, and you get the social proof as a result of their action. Win-win.

The second best type of update is posting something you see on-the-fly while going about your (seemingly or) typically awesome life. “It never ceases to amaze me how Times Square will be packed at 3 a.m. I love this city.” You can also post cool wall photos on-the-fly as well. If you don’t have a smart phone to do this, you’re a dummy. Get one.

The third best type of updates is accomplishments or things you are excited about. Use these tactfully and sparingly. “So excited for the weekend, going to drink my face off with my cool, cool friends” does not work. “Looks like I’m going to land the impossible client after all. Year-end bonus, here I come,” does.

Apps can do your dirty work. I find a great app for this is Tripit, which publishes where you are travelling (and privately organizes your travel plans). If you travel a lot, which I do as an instructor, you won’t get much cred out of posting a status update such as “Gone to L.A. for the weekend. Party, party,” when you go to a different city a couple times each month. However, when an app such as Tripit says, “Nick is planning a trip to L.A.” it’s not you posting; it’s the app. However, you still bank the value from it. It’s like cheating the system. Sign up for things using your Facebook account. If you use Meetup.com and sign-in to it with your Facebook account, you are able to automatically posts Meetups you will attend… just make sure they aren’t for Dungeons and Dragons Club.

The worst updates you can write are negative, whiney, complaining updates. That’s for teenage girls who just got dumped and grown-up boys who get pushed around by the world. If you have a problem, solve it on your own. You’re just looking for attention and a roundabout form of validation if you post it on Facebook.

That being said, every once in a while a “In bed, sick, in need of a cuddle and soup” won’t hurt. “Working late tonight before a BIG weekend with the crew. You bring down the beer, I’ll help you drink it” can be alright too. (For you English majors out there—notice how these updates have an element of insider intention to them. Your distant friend or newly added woman can understand what you’re doing (“working late”), but she only gets a clue as to the cool part (“a BIG weekend”). Let her fill in the blanks.)

Lastly, sometimes no update is better than a blasé update. If you’ve been working your ass off 12 hours a day for a week and haven’t been able to do anything outside of work, let it ride. You don’t need to give daily updates to your life, but when something pertinent pops up 2 - 3 times per week you can cut a pretty smooth thin slice.

Your Wall

This is where you get the most value for your effort.

You want new women you add to see what is going on in your life, so make your “added as a friend” appear in your feed. (If “what is going on” means adding another woman as a friend, that’s pretty convenient for her to see.) Also, have your comments on other’s status, photos, etc. show up as long as you’re writing attractive stuff. (Remember, you can always delete what appears in your feed with one click.)

This is why I suggest you don’t add 10 new women to your friend list every time you go out. It’s not that you’ll look like a man-whore or a cool guy, but you cheapen the ‘add’ to the woman you’re legitimately interested in because from her angle she’s just one of another 10, even if she was the only one you’re interested in. Again, you’re shooting to confirm what you showed her in person. Adding 10 new women doesn’t do much more than adding two new, attractive women.

Always ask yourself two questions before commenting:

-How does this add value to my image?
-Am I being genuine and funny, or try-hard and clever?

Adding Friends

Don’t be afraid to add her as a friend after solid rapport is established over text/phone. If a girl is really into you or has went on a couple dates with you she may add you, which is a good sign—she’s interested—she wants to find more good things about you. Don’t expect her to add you though. You’re not losing any value by adding her.

Also, you can bet if she is the least bit interested she’ll at least creep your profile. Make it a solid source to be spied upon.

Relationship Status

I don’t display this. It’s not a big deal when you’re not dating anybody, but you could really fuck yourself over when you are seeing a couple of women at once and one wants you to commit. Does it build intrigue? I don’t have time to worry about that; she knows I’m interested in her. That’s why I added her.

If you label yourself “single,” you’re not hurting yourself, but if you date a girl long enough, she may ask you to change your status. I don’t like inviting this. Plus, being single is inherently un-pre-selective on the surface.

I don’t know anybody who uses “In an Open Relationship” and I don’t know a woman who would publicly agree to it anyway. Why they even have this option is beyond me.

If you are “In a relationship,” don’t do anything stupid (in the first place) that could get you in trouble.

As an interesting note, studies have shown that couples who add each other on Facebook have an increased suspicion of their partners if they are Facebook friends.

Job

If you are proud of what you do and it’s a high value profession, list it, absolutely. If not, leave it alone. I’d say this is more important for older guys than younger guys because your value ties into your career more.

If you are an entrepreneur, make sure to link to your website at the bottom.

Networks

Listen up college guys. Go to your privacy settings and let everybody who is in your network (i.e. your school) be able to find you, and, if you are comfortable with it, allow them to look through your profile pictures. You must let them see your friends. This is how you’ll get girls adding you to their friend lists.

The only downside to this is if a new girl you add is friends with a girl who doesn’t think too favorably of your and this unfavorable girl talks you down. However, this dilemma can be eliminated by not being a douchebag with the girls you hook up with after the fact. I’ve never had this problem and you shouldn’t either.

Friend List

Display yours. This is how you’ll get women who are friends of friends adding you.

The number of friends you have doesn’t matter too much, just have more than 300.

Events

Events are useful if you’re hosting a party and want to provide a little proof that it will be good by posting pictures of your last one. Get a couple of your close girl friends, sisters/cousins to click ‘yes’ even if they aren’t coming. Girls who are on the fence want social proof and will be more apt to attend if other girls are. It’s just like the overarching idea of this article: you’re confirming your original cool image.

However, Facebook events really lost its cache when every promoter and bar started spamming everybody. I really don’t take events too seriously nowadays.

Tricks

An old trick I liked to use was writing on a female friend’s wall with hook question or statement (almost like stuff you’d use in text game) to get her to write back on my wall. Never hurts to have a beautiful woman writing playful notes at the top of your wall when you add a new woman. However, when Zuckerberg allowed people to comment on wall posts, it killed this quite a bit. At the least, if a new add is really interested in you, she can see that you have contact with another woman—hopefully beautiful—by making your “posted on somebody’s wall” appear on your wall.

You can tag people in posts now, so use that to your advantage. Tags will show up in another person’s feed, but they can only comment in the feed of the poster. Solid updates with tags will often get comments. Sometimes I post videos or songs from YouTube with a comment tagging somebody.

For the sake of social circle building, it’s not a bad idea to ‘like’ somebody’s posts every once in a while. It’s validating for the poster. Don’t play the “too cool for school” game thinking you’re qualifying yourself to somebody; that shit works in the bar, not when you’re trying to solidify real-world connections. Comments do the same thing.

Don’t Worry About

-Interests
-Books, TV Shows, Movies
-Notes

Compared to status updates, they don’t do a lot for you.

Hope that helps guys!