MY girlfriend doesnt initiate or want sex anymore
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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Worcester, UK

    MY girlfriend doesnt initiate or want sex anymore

    I have been with my girlfriend for 1 year 2 months (minus a 1 week break about 6 weeks ago when she left me, but came back).

    In August last year we...for a multitude of reasons...didn't have sex for three weeks. Me being me, I took it personally and dealt with it wrong as I felt it was a reflection of her feelings for me. In reality it was a result of illness, periods and logistics.

    During our break she revealed that after this she felt an increasing insecurity over sex, that she wasn't pleasing me (not the case at all) and that led to her feeling this pressure everytime the situation came to sex. She started to avoid thinking of me in that way because it made her feel shit and that led to a change of feelings towards me. But she told me she is still very attracted to me and that she wants to try to just need to relax and let things happen.


    We had a great three weeks. Incredibly loving, full of hot sex and she was very "pull" toward me. Things were great. She even verbalised how great she was feeling about sex.

    However, on valentines we didn't have sex. Despite her asking for it and getting condoms out, she got into bed and was suddenly to "tired". This didn't bother me so bad as I'd had a great night.

    However, she woke in the morning feeling insecure and shit about things, thinking I was mad. I reassured her that I was fine about it and we went about our day. She seemed...different tho.

    Then the same happened on a few days later, except I had given her 40 mins foreplay, which she loved, and she felt spent at the end of it and fell asleep whilst cuddling. She woke up worse than before, was shut off from me then went to work and didn't talk all day. She came over after work, asked if i was mad at her, and I again assured her im fine and we had a lovely night.

    Since then sex has just been absent. We have had sex twice in three weeks, both times with me initiating. If i get into bed and start to kiss her, its like she knows im after sex and she pulls back straight away. Im just getting no sexual emotions from her.

    She has always been an incredibly sexual girl. I know how much she loves sex and how much she loved it with me. But its gone now, completely. This is killing me inside and destroying any last bit of inner game i had. She has slept with 21 guys before me, and now she doesnt want sex with me. I cnt help think that if we cant sort this out she will go elsewhere.

    Apart from sex, our relationship is great at the mo. She is telling me how much she loves me and telling me she misses me when were apart.

    What can I do? Logic tells me not to vocalise this with her as it will put pressure on her and come across as a blame-game.

    Part of me is telling me to go a bit cave-man on her. Perhaps i am being too pussy about sex and she can sense my hesitation, my fear that i will upset her when making an advance. Do i just go dominant on her, try something new, cave-man-style, outside of the bedroom, and push through the resistance....? (of course stopping if she actually says no)?

    I love her, and it would hurt me so so fucking bad to end things, but i cant be in a sexless relationship...i have needs too, and for me, sex is the most special way to connect with her and share myself and my love.

    All advice appreciated.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Dark side of the moon

    You already know the underlying reasons for this, read the advice you've had in the other threads about this. You don't want to believe it, but you know it deep down-step back from this girl, your smothering her. You've become the feminine pole, your too dependant on this girl, she has ALL the power over you. She needs to feel feminine, but she's not getting that from you, because you are acting like in the feminine. This has all been discussed to death before, so go back and read it again. You need to focus on yourself and not make her the centre of the universe.

    Get that in line and the sex will come back (if it's not too late and that road is underway). She's losing attraction for you because you are no challenge and you are not acting like a man. Sometimes women just need ravished, so cavemanning is often the way to go. It's the dominance thing. With my girl, I've never ever asked for sex, if I want it I just take it-she's never turned me down or and loves it when I just grab her and go for it. Sometimes when we're out I'll whisper what I want to do to her right there and then, and tell her she's a naughty girl. This can be anywhere, grocery shopping, on a bus, out drinking, anywhere. Sex is mental for women, you need to get them in the mood. You set this way before the bedroom. But the crux of it is, you need to act like a man, shine your masculine pole (excuse the pun) at her so that she can feel feminine. You have to be the masculine magnet drawing her in to you...not the other way round. When (if) you sort this, the rest will sort itself out.

    If you have to ask for sex, it's all wrong. Man up. Really. Re-read your other threads, the answer is there. I do get the feeling that your journey with this girl may already be veering towards the end of the road.

    Read truestory's on dominance post, and the sex god method book will help a lot.

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