Ex breaks up with me; I cut contact; now she starts talking to me; next steps?
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  1. Ex breaks up with me; I cut contact; now she starts talking to me; next steps?

    I have spoken about this ex in a previous post so just gonna give very brief background:

    My ex is a colleague of mine who is rarely in the office. We started dating and she cut things off after a couple of months. Once this happened I eventually cut contact, kept on going out with my friends, doing a lot of new things, met girls and got a huge work related opportunity (I got picked to have my career fast tracked - only 4 people in the entire Middle East region get picked a year, this year I was one of them - I work for one of the Big Four firms so its a huge deal to be picked).

    The story:
    A couple of weeks back, she approached me at work and started a conversation about random stuff, mostly just updates with her life and I gave her mine. She kept complaining about certain issues in her life (I saw this as a cry for attention) and I responded with one brief responses (didn't show interest, wasn't very inquisitive, even continued chatting at one point on msn with a friend while she was talking). She asked what I was doing that weekend and I told her my plans (I had 3 birthday parties that weekend - perfect timing ). The convo ended.

    Fast forward to this week, first time she's back in the office since the last convo and she comes to my desk again. I should note it was her birthday the day before and I didn't wish her happy birthday. Like I said, I completely cut contact. We started talking and she asked what was new. I told her about the work thing, huge DHV, and she was obviously impressed and congratulated me. I told her the details (which involves travelling to London for two months) and she was very inquisitive about it. She on the other complained how she is sick and too stressed from work (another cry for attention, and again I didn't respond much too it). I didn't ask questions about what was going on with her life too much and again I chatted with someone on msn at one point while she spoke. she said she had to leave but said that we should go for a coffee break sometime. I said sure, when you're around just come by and if I'm free we'll go.

    My question is, if I want her as a potential FB, what should my next move be? I don't want a relationship with her because I do not trust her anymore and know I can do better than her. Any thoughts/tips would be great. Thanks! :-)

  2. Just an update

    She came by my desk again on Thursday (first time she was back in the office after our convo last week). This time she was telling me how she was in hospital for a week and that she had something wrong with her colon. It sounded serious so I asked if she was ok and said "salamtek" (arabic meaning "I hope you're feeling better" but in a much more "sensual" way) She then said "in summary I have a bad colon, an undersized thyroid and a weak immune system." I responded "wow you're a catch" with a smile. She laughed and said "don't worry I have other cute things around me." I asked what she was up to on the weekend and turns out we were going to the same concert.

    At the concert while walking with my friends, I bump into her walking in our direction....with her new bf. We say hi to each other and ask how the concert was (all while walking, neither of us stop). My friend (a girl who knows of the situation) put her arm around me to create a jealousy plotline. We say bye and keep walking.

    For some reason, I felt like utter shit...my confidence was shot. Although my friends said I handled myself well, I felt somewhat hurt by the encounter. Specifically, how a girl who is not pretty and emotionally unstable (just coming off a break up with her ex of 1.5 years who was her "first" and ended because she had to have an abortion) could leave me. I'm a good looking guy, funny, smart, have a lot going for me career wise and have a very good social circle behind me, why would she leave me. It's clear that her intentions with me was strictly to get over her ex and her issues with the abortion. Even a common friend of ours (a girl) told me not to trust her, she was too unstable emotionally and that she was using me even though she continually told me how much she likes me. I know I can do much better than her and I know she doesn't deserve a guy like me, but I was really hurt seeing her with someone else and still kind of am feeling like shit. I keep asking myself what the hell did I do wrong? My friends say I did nothing wrong and its all due to her issues. They say I was a gentleman with her and I treated her well, which I know I did...even her own best friends think so. But still, I feel like shit.

    What should I do now if she approaches me again in the office? Should I continue to do what I was doing before (listen to her, ask the small talk questions "how was the weekend?" etc but not seem too interested) or just tell her that I am too busy and can't talk right now?

    Sorry for the rant, I've been feeling like crap since I saw her and needed to say something. Any thoughts, tips, advice would be great.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    The Back of Beyond

    Don't date chicks at work. Period.

    Be polite. Have stuff to do. Time-limit things ("I have to make a call in two minutes ...").
    When I am writing in red, it's as an Attraction Forums Admin. When I write in normal text, it's just me.

    "I remember the first time I had sex; I still have the receipt!" -- Groucho Marx

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  4. #4

    Clearly you're far to emotionally vested in her, so much that you're willing to tell us that she told you about colon problems. TMI, dude.

    In addition to DeadEyeDick's set-in-stone rule about keeping work and pleasure separate, I would force myself to pursue several new prospects.

    Let the lower brain make some new friends and you'll be surprised how distracted you'll be, in a good way.

  5. #5

    Quote Originally Posted by DeadEyeDick View Post
    Don't date chicks at work. Period.

    Be polite. Have stuff to do. Time-limit things ("I have to make a call in two minutes ...").
    I second this. Bad shit happens.

  6. I think you did just fine OP. Your life is going in a great direction and you've been treating the situation well. Sometimes you will just have reandom bouts of sadness for absolutely no reason (a la seeing your ex at the concert). It sucks but it will pass and pass quicker if you focus on the positives in your life.

    I'm in a similar situation myself w my ex (I did NC and now she's breaking it). The mixed messages are very confusing but just try to take them at face value and not read into them so much. Best of luck bro.

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