Why Open?

Read the follow-up to this article here: The Mindset of Opening


Sterling: Why open?

Student: Simple. Because it’s the first step in the model. Right?

Sterling: Well yes, that’s correct. But go deeper. Why open?

Student: I’m not sure what you’re getting at…

Sterling: Okay, let me try to explain…

You open because life is too short. Yes, it also happens to be the first step in the emotional progression model. Yes, you can’t start a conversation without opening. And yes, it’s the first step to getting laid. But above all else, you open because life is too fuckin’ short.

A few months ago, I packed my things and said goodbye to my friends and everything I knew in sunny-side California. Moving out to NYC, I was giving up my social network, the beach, and the general comforts of life on the West Coast. In return, I was taking on an opportunity to expand my horizons, develop as a person, and to experience life in the self-proclaimed “greatest city in the world.”

For the most part, so far, it’s been a blast. The pace of New York City is unparalleled, my living situation is great, I still see my fair share of the LS team, and the sensation and novelty of it all has only recently begun to wear off. And while I may never call myself a “New Yorker,” I can surely appreciate the excitement of this city.

I have my moments though, where I miss the sunny shores of California, the multitude of friends back home, the music festivals, the sun kissed Cali girls, and the countless memories I have filled my past with. That’s the positive of it. However, it is in these moments that I also feel a deep sense of regret. Regret for all the things that could have been.

This encompasses the days I went out but kept myself in my own shell. It includes the various girls that would have liked me, had I made an effort, or had I “known what to say next.” Add to the list the dates I could have been on, the road trips, random hook-ups, and soul-touching conversations.

[But hindsight is 20/20, and I know that I am at least partially lying to myself. For a number of these years, while I was a “social” guy with cool friends, I didn’t have game to save my life, and I was drowning in a sea of my own limiting beliefs and assumptions (a number of which only really cleared up after I moved to NY).]

So while my time is California was great, I know for certain that things could have been much better.

To be frank, these nights of future regret still happen… there are nights where opening seems extra difficult, leading me to subsequently not do much of it, and it’s these nights where I feel the absolute worst. As Braddock states in all his programs, “the weight of failure is ounces, but the weight of regret is tons.”

My glory days in California have passed and it is likely that they are gone for good – for I get the feeling even if I were to move back in the future, things would never quite be the same as they used to be. But know this: years later, the regret still has weight. And I’m sure I will view my time in NYC under the same lens of scrutiny in a few years time. Hopefully I don’t make the same mistake twice.

And it all comes down to opening. I guarantee if I had at least made the effort to open in all those instances I now regret, they would not have materialized into such nights. You will not regret the times where a girl blows you out for trying. You will remember the nights where you went out and didn’t talk to anyone – and those are the ones that hurt.

So for the love of God, if nothing else, just walk on over there and say something.

Life is too short not to.