Thread: Starting at zero
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12-05-2010, 05:33 PM #1
Okay guys, we have a minor situation here, and by minor I mean kind of major to my social life. See, I have no social life, I tend to live my life vicariously through the internet. Well what drives this lack of social life is what I like to refer to as "social retardation". I feel that I don't know how to socialize, we're going to change that right now. What I need from you guys is ideas; ideas on anything from how to boost my self confidence, social skills, whatever. I'm at a rather strange point in my life right now, I'm currently at 3 places where I won't be in a year and I want to build a social circle. What do I do? I mean I have one girl at work that I could probably get but...that is not something I'm willing to pursue for somewhat obvious reasons.
Starting at zero
More explanation on my three points that I will be moving on from. First one is a college that I will have my diploma from within 6 months, next is a job I hope to be out of in the same amount of time, and finally I'm in a seasonal position at my other job. Now the third one is a job I love, and the people are awesome and I'd like to hang with but most of them live about 45 minutes away and further.
I don't have problems talking to people when I'm teaching or lifeguarding but when I'm on my own, no it doesn't happen. I have one friend, he is kind of an addict, but anyway... I do on the other hand have lots of online friends and not just "oh I have 10,000 friends on my friends list" friends, no I have people that I've known for a while or that I talk to on a regular basis online but never seem to hang out with in the real life. Can I use this to start my circle? Is it worth trying to meet up with these people and creating real relationships with them?
What I want you to take away from this whole thing is that I'm basically starting from scratch with my social circle, I need help, and I need what has helped you, not just from one or two of you but many many of you because we all know that what works for one may not work for all.
Thanks guys can't wait to read the results.
ps: I have a couple of girls spreading rumours that I'm crazy. Help me fix that as well.
12-05-2010, 07:35 PM #2
- Join Date
- Aug 2010
Get three hobbies.
Join a Rec-sports league like soccer or flag football.
Join a dance group. I recommend salsa since it has the younger ladies (18-30).
Lastly join a gym. It can be a mma, boxing or regular gym.
If you're in a city of any size you'll be about to find these.
If you want to hangout with people from work then find some big that's happening in yourtown or their town and invite them to it. Tell them you're getting a group together.
Is this the kind of advice you wanted?
By doing these you'll start meeting people and start getting socialized.
As for the girls spreading rumors about hounding crazy. Stop being crazy.
12-06-2010, 07:51 PM #3
- Join Date
- Dec 2009
The simple 3-way formula is
A. Be confident
B. Don't care
C. Add value
I used to have zero social circle as well. It took me about a year and a half to get where I am right now (which is basically "normal"). Now that I've come to understand basics through trial and error and gotten rid of useless baggage, I can start going in the direction I want to.
I've learned some very basic stuff that I'd like to share with you though, these are things you will learn to be true in like a month's time of practice, so just start working and you'll get results soon enough.
1. Opportunity is fucking everywhere. Free parties, free meals, random study events, frats, whatever, pay attention and you'll see the only thing keeping you from social situations is yourself.
2. It's fucking irrelevant what you do, what you did, what you want to do or who you think you are. All that matters is the way you feel about yourself and how you communicate it. I've been to parties of other studies that have nothing to do with mine (like sociology and media studies). Doesn't matter; no-one fucking talks in-depth about their study. Just make a few general statements, like course x was y and reminded me of b. Then switch to better topics.
3. Most people are busy, ADHA and have severe Amnesia. Nobody remembers any of the boring shit you talk about, it's irrelevant. People don't remember details. All they remember is a general impression of you, being either good, bad, friendly, sexual, repulsed or whatever...
4. There are millions of ripe, sexy women out there. You're not going to get them all. Not everyone is going to like you. Doesn't fucking matter. Be your self, have integrity and confidence, go after what you want. Some will hate you, others will adore you. But I'd rather be hated and loved then fucking non-existant.
5. Make a fucking connection or move on. That's what it's about. Connect. or go to the next one.
6. People remember shit that brings them pleasure. People will remember the great times they had with people or the hillarious shit they experienced. Most people (healthy people) don't have the space to remember negative shit. So you can fuck up, move on, they'll forget it within a month.
7. You seriously can talk about whatever the fuck you want to talk about, it doens't have to be in any way related to the previous subject, but if you feel inclined, make it up. Cause I'm a thinker I've abstracted the specific shit so it comes down to this: In a conversation you can make statements, comparisons, relations, relate memories and judge. That's 80% of verbal conversation right there. There is no logic involved.
White bread sucks (judgment)
Those petit melons remind me of Valerie (relation)
Biological meat is like having a friend with benefits (comparison)
I want to fuck (statement)
I think chihuahua's are fucking repulsive (opinion)
Anyway, trick is to make your relations, statements, comparisons etc... interesting. Use them to showcase your personality. Use them to bring op stories.
8. Fucking Honesty. People like it, it's refreshing. Every once in a while just say what's on your mind.
9. Smile. Enjoy life (at least you're not living in drug-cartelled Mexico). Touch people. Listen to people. Connect with people. Learn to appreciate people.
10. And lastly, the most powerful meta-filosophical weapon in my toolbox; Take Right Action.
Stop. What you're doing right now. Are you taking right action? (Righteous Action). Is this really what you want. Will this get you what you want? Is this a distraction, or the real deal. Take Right Action. You already KNOW what's right and what's wrong. I call it mantuition.
Okay, i'm a fat fucker. Man, i'm tired, i'mma go to bed. NO. Take Right Action. Do your fucking pushups and shit.
Fuck... hard day of work, time for tv to forget about my problems and shit. no. Take fucking right action. Turn of that piece of shit - tv is for social purposes only - now get to work on your goals, or call a friend to hang out.
Time for the comp. let's see, check these 5 forums, are there any updates for these 12 blogs, time for some downloadable tv shows, I think I might visit the old you'''', check my mail, back to the forums, oh shit it's late, well I'm tired, might as well play WoW all night. FUCK NO. TAKERIGHTACTION. You dont need that fucking shit. Its useless routine baggage. You dont want it. Not really, anyway. Its a fucking distraction from being a man and taking risks. Stop that shit. Get to work on (physique, appearance, better job, social skills, going out, family, shit that matters). Dont be a twat. Take right action.
12-07-2010, 09:29 AM #4
^how do I give rep?
This is the same shit I've been thinking for the last couple days... I know what I need to do so lets just fucking do it.
Thank you, best response ever and I'm glad it wasn't fucking sugar coated.
12-08-2010, 04:50 AM #5Certified Live Training Graduate Lounge Member
- Join Date
- Sep 2007
I have a same problem too. I don't want to make friends at clubs cuz those people are all fake.
I can go to meetup groups like hiking but the age varies from 20~50 (usually older people)
I just want to hangout with average guys like me but don't know where to get to know them.
I honestly feel weird exchanging # as well (gay culture here lol)
I am not religious but I am thinking about going to church to meet people too.
12-08-2010, 06:01 AM #6
- Join Date
- Dec 2010
01-01-2011, 12:50 PM #7
- Join Date
- Dec 2010
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