Click! Some observations.

[rhettro84]

Click! Some observations.

There's a good piece up on Braddock's blog.

One point LA2NY makes in particular is worth observing.

1.) Mentorship is important. Moreover, you will naturally gravitate towards mentors who you can most identify as similar to you (upbringing, professional/academic/social background, etc…). Of all the leads I’ve hung with, I’ve probably seen Mr. M the least, yet, he was/is still responsible for a significant majority of most of my clicks.

This isn't emphasized enough in the routine of dating science writing and instruction. When instructors give advice to people online, people who are highly anonymous to them, their remarks should be read with some major preconditions and caveats. When an instructor answers a question about a routine, say, or an escalation technique, he's not suggesting that the battle is won or lost on the basis of a solitary focus on technique. There has to be a backdrop to the whole pursuit, and a large part of that is a fabric of friends and society.

It's important that you have the willingness and desire necessary to treat pickup like a job, and to get out there and approach. But you need things built up around that to make progress smoother and results more stable. You need a social circle, both for reasons relating to pickup, and reasons that shouldn't need to be spelled out.

And coming out of that social capital is going to be your mentorship. Unless you're a lone wolf entirely, you're getting influence from someone, whether or not that influence rises to the level of beneficial mentorship. Your friends are encouraging you or discouraging you to whatever degree. You need to recognize that this is an important, maybe the most important, dimension governing the success you'll have. You want the best regular support and mentorship possible.

One thing that jumps out from LA2NY's comment is that few of us enjoy the continuous professional calibre mentorship he does. When he says, "you will naturally gravitate towards mentors who you can most identify as similar to you," I know he's leaving out a step, because I don't have Mr. M and Braddock to dial up and club with. I'm not surrounded by dedicated instructors of whom I can make an a la carte choice. If mentorship and social circle were a team sport, LA2NY versus me would be like a game between the New York Yankees and the Toledo Mud Hens.

But really all it means is that building and maintaining a quality social circle and identifying and soliciting good mentorship is basically necessary, and it's another step you have to go through. Depending on your circumstance and situation, it may take a long time, and just has to be accepted as another puzzle to be worked.

Realize that there is a reason people who are enjoying success are fond of the idea that all it takes is hard work--Malcom Gladwell's 10,000 hours of practice. It's because it suggests that they are simply better and harder working than those underneath them, period, the end. If they made it in X amount of time and you didn't, it has to do with your misapplication or malfunction.

Don't let yourself be mindfucked like that. Success takes hard work, but it takes other things too, and you have to let go of the work enough to look after those other things. In order to get to where they are all of the instructors committed themselves, but it wasn't a matter of simply hitting the technique like an anvil--it was learning to explore and embrace the social scenery. That's where you're going to find your social support, and your mentorship, and the necessity of those can't be emphasized enough.

[Sterling]

You’re spot on when you say you need social circle to “make the process smoother and results more stable.” Think of it in stages. When you first start learning game, you focus primarily on the outer game (the technique), and how it’s applied. As you progress, you will begin to turn to inner game and personal development, and ultimately on building a lifestyle and Navy Seal Team to surround yourself with.

The part that needs a little adjustment is where you liken your friends to your mentors. There is no doubt that the 5 people you surround yourself the most with heavily influence your development and growth as a person. That said, ideally the 5 of you should be on a similar path/purpose that you are traveling together, and not necessarily you in a position of “direct learning,” as would be the case with a mentor. The lines can get blurry, but there is a difference.

That said, be the CEO of your own social life. Hire and fire as you see fit, and do your best to surround yourself with people that will support and sustain your development. I have done this numerous times over the past few years.

With regards to working hard, you’re right when you noticed that cold-approach isn’t the only type of “work.” In actuality, becoming better with women involves not just outer game (cold approach), but also other components – hence the creation of the SCM seminar and upcoming DVD set. At the highest levels of game, SCM is game, and building/cultivating your social circles is what the seminar/product is all about. If you want to be truly great, SCM (however you learn it) is not optional, it’s essential.

Regarding the company I keep, I stand by the statement that you will naturally gravitate towards the mentors who you can most identify with. And while these mentors may not necessarily be a group of LS instructors, they will be mentors nonetheless, and still beneficial to your growth. We’re all on our own path, and the personal decision to make LS/game a full-time 40+ hour a week commitment for 6 months naturally led to my deeper involvement with the industry, and the people who comprise it.

It wasn’t a right or wrong decision, it’s just one I made, for better or worse. Moreover, it is neither a necessity or a prerequisite to do what I did to become good with this. Some of the guys I know with 10+ game have little involvement with the company, but lead amazing lives filled with gorgeous women.

From the sounds of it, you’re reaching the growing point where you realize the importance of lifestyle and areas beyond just outer game. This is great, it’s part of the natural learning curve, and I encourage you to continue developing the social circle that best promotes your growth and development.

-Sterling (formerly LA2NY)

[rhettro84]

That said, be the CEO of your own social life. Hire and fire as you see fit, and do your best to surround yourself with people that will support and sustain your development. I have done this numerous times over the past few years. . . .

From the sounds of it, you’re reaching the growing point where you realize the importance of lifestyle and areas beyond just outer game.

Yes. And callous as it sounds, I had to do a lot of firing when I came to that realization.

It happened precisely as you say--over the course of the past year and three months I discovered game, worked on outer game, then inner game and personal refinement. Now I see how much more needs to be done. At the moment I essentially have one other reliable guy friend, who luckily happens to be my roommate, and who is on entirely the same page. Other than that, nada. A lot of critics and dead weight I had to shed in order to move ahead.

It feels a little like sixth grade. For some reason when I was a kid I thought school ended in sixth grade. Then, when I finished sixth grade, I looked up--and there was the middle school, and the high school, and college.

I appreciate you reading, Sterling. (Yeah, I was confused--over in the Lounge I thought, "Sterling? That doesn't sound familiar . . .")

[Sterling]

No worries. It's all a growth process, just make sure you're having fun while you're doing all of it - otherwise, what's the point right?

One point about the "firing." I don't recommend you blatantly cutting out the people in your life for good just because they are no longer on the same path as you. Rather, think of it as a social parking lot (credit: Mr. M), where certain people are still your friends, but are parked in the parking lot for the reason that you are currently on a different path/purpose. Your friendship should remain, though the time you invest in spending with certain friends is bound to increase; it has to, you only have so many hours in a day, and you want to limit the number of influences that may stunt your growth. Should your paths re-align in the future, their position in your life may change.

Hope this helps.

-S

[rhettro84]

I don't recommend you blatantly cutting out the people in your life for good just because they are no longer on the same path as you.

Yes, good point. Thanks.