My wife wants me to be dominant in bed

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  1. My wife wants me to be dominant in bed

    I dont know how to start. I kind of want it, but part of me feels a little uncomfortable, almost sick in my stomach thinking about it. I always watched porn and envied the sex they had, but at the same time I feel like its a little degrading. Thinking about myself just using my wife as I please, (although I know it will turn her on) makes me feel guilty? Is this something I will get over the more I experiment?

    Im a Nice guy. I got my wife by being a Nice guy. So I'm not looking to turn into some kind of chauvinist. I guess I just have to learn to be more agressive in bed. But Im curious if this sick feeling Im getting will go away, or if it's just against my nature.

    also I would appreciate any sticky's or informative posts about being more dominant, and learning how to stop looking for approval before and after I do things, all throughout my life.

    Thanks a lot guys.

  2. Here is a classic post. You obviously don't need to do everything in that post, and probably shouldn't. Think about some of the ideas and adopt what feels right to you and your situation.

    One thought: Your wife says she wants you to be dominant "in bed." In reality she probably just wants you to be more dominant. For women in relationship "in bed" and "out of bed" is a blurry line.

  3. #3

    What are you getting a sick feeling about?

    You can't use porn as a personal barometer towards sex in the bedroom, but could use one or two things you've seen on there and bring it into the bedroom. I can tell you that I've watched porn for a long time, and women have become much more sexually experimental because of it, even though there's plenty of women who have been sexually adventurous for centuries.

    No one's THAT nice 24/7. She's not asking you to treat her like a dog or talk down to her. That's what chauvinists do. Treat the bedroom as a place to experiment.

    We have our moments. But if you're talking about taking things to extreme measures, work in your comfort zone for now. The relationship's still pretty fresh.

  4. When the time comes, say "I want to fuck you right now," and roll her onto her back (or front, or whatever). That's a good start. If she's serious about the dominance thing, you'll see a reaction and you can add to it from there.. Just your being "on top" and being the one to choose the position you're using, by posing her where you want and telling her what you're going to do, will probably give her 90% of what she's looking for...

  5. I guess it's a lot more simple than I'm getting worked up over. Inside and out of the bedroom she wants me to make decisions, and not be unsure about it or look for approval. A little experimenting showed me she will do what I tell her, not only in bed. She just wants me to take the lead, and stop looking for approval.

    I guess it's a good thing, because asking her if she's in the mood for sex just doesn't work unless she's hormonal. So I guess just being passionate about what I want and taking it will get her in the mood more often!!

    Being dominant in the relationship really isn't all that difficult is it? I'll admit I'm crazy beta, but she loves me and still listens to what I tell her to do.
    Or is it more difficult than that?
    She knows I have low self esteem. But it doesn't have any effect on how much she loves me. She still wants me to take the lead and be a "strong man" as all Russian women want.

  6. You sounds like you are on the right track.

    Does your wife ever say to you "I want you to make a decision" on small stuff like what to have for dinner, where to go on a Friday night, etc. I have gotten that in LTRs and its one of the few times when you can take what a woman says she wants at face value. You start making decisions and its amazing how things get better fast.

  7. Your absolutly right I think things are going to get way better very fast. The thing Is I'm still very young, psychologically. I still feel like a boy, and find myself looking for aproval often. the only place I felt my relationship was lacking for ME was the lak of frequent sex, and I have a feeling this is going to change when I DECIDE when were getting nasty as opposed to asking her. As far as she's concerned she's satisfied with our marriage. Except for my lack of assertiveness I suppose.

    Now I just have to work in my very low self esteem! I am very needy but she doesn't seem to mind. She is my other half as far as I'm concerned and this romantic side of me is what brought us together onthe first place.

    Now off to the gym to work on my self esteem, FOR ME!

  8. #8

    You need to realize that being a dominant pig in bed is just ROLE PLAY, it's a fantasy for her to be fucked like a ragdoll and used and abused (obvious generalization).
    I am also the consumate "nice guy" (see also lifelong AFC) and always wanted to be sensitive, caring and passionate in bed. It also made me feel kind of "ill" to be a pig to a woman in first. then I noticed the more I did it, the more wild they got and the more they got off on it.
    Start slow, try throwing her around a little bit and fucking her how YOU want to, pull her hair a little, slap her ass a little. See how she reacts and adjust accordingly, if she screams "YESSS" when you spank it more. If she says "OUCH" when you pull her hair, lean in and ask "is that a good ouch or do you like it?" and she will tell you. Try things like when she gives you head holding her hair and occasionally pulling her head away and saying stuff like "I don't think your dirty little mouth deserves this cock" and make her struggle to get her mouth back on it then jam it in and tell her "prove to me how much you like sucking that cock" and fuck her mouth with escalating roughness until she TELLS YOU that "ok thats too hard".

    The key thing here is COMMUNICATION but women are programmed to "be good girls" and good girls don't ask for filthy stuff and talk about dirty things they secretly want you to do and would never admit the LIKE. So you have to start the communication so she sees and feels safe to voice this stuff and she will open up for you. Trust me, you BOTH will be very glad for the efforts. Then after, debrief her, ask her outright "was I pulling your hair too hard? What did you like most and what should I not bother trying again in the future" that will be a great bonding time while you lay there and talk about the dirty sex you just had and you both will know that next time will be that much better.

  9. #9

    Quote Originally Posted by Ilovemyrussian View Post
    I have a feeling this is going to change when I DECIDE when were getting nasty as opposed to asking her.
    You got it brotha, women don't want to be ASKED, they want to feel like you WANT them and know you will TAKE IT when you want it.
    I am absolutely not condoning rape obviously and you have to be intuitive enough to be able to tell when it honestly is not a "good time" to do it. However, once in a while walk up behind her in the kitchen while she is doing dishes, pull up her skirt and bend her over and fuck her silly, or maybe "help" her to the floor and bang her doggie style right there on the kitchen floor and walk away when you are done like it was nothing. You may be surprised by her reaction.

  10. IlovemyRussian: Remember when you are in bed with your wife and thinking about getting dominant, that sex is kind of a game. If you care about your wife, and she knows that, then having degrading sex isn't really degrading, it's just a game. I used to smack my gf in the face during sex, but I'm not physically abusive because that was within the confines of sex play. Remember doing something aggressive in bed wont mean you dont have respect for your wife.

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