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10-23-2010, 10:02 PM #1
- Join Date
- Aug 2009
Caught my gf online cheating with her ex
I have posted in this forum about this girl on many occasions because of my trust issues with her - my gut was constantlly calling out alarms on a daily basis.
i have been trying to get past them but they never went away - i just learned to live with them because many ppl have said ur prob wrong etc and i thought so too cos she used to be so nice to me and i thought im gonna screw this up over nothing.
anyway turns out they wernt wrong at all...
we was together a year and one month until earlier tonight i dumped her.
(this is gonna be a VERY long post btw so be warned lol)
my trust issues came from this...
1) very early on in the relationship a guy added me and told me she had been saying she wud fuck him even tho she had a bf - and showed me the log - i had no idea if this was before or after we got together so i left it - but it did set up doubt from this point forwards - looking back i shud have backed out here or the next thing but i didnt)
2) about 3 months into our relationship cos of my lack of trust and my gut feeling i snooped on her emails and found out she had sent her ex bf a very bad pic of her cleavege - and lied about it until i showed her the proof i had (yeah i shudnt have snooped but i just knew something was up and i had to know one way or the other - i wanted her to be innocent but she wasnt)
she was full of sorrys and promised never to make such a mistake again (because she wudnt risk her relationship)
she cut contact with him for a long time after this and all was well...
but they started getting in contact again recientlly and so it all flared up again - although i didnt tell her - i said i was ok with it and i was to a certain extent cos he did seem different
but then the gut feeling came back and i sensed something wasnt right - esp since she has another ex who i never had a problem with but i got a bit worred because the day he split with his gf she went really distant with me and it was just mad timing...
so i snooped again - and this time i couldnt beleve what i was seeing...
im gonna show you in a minute - but before i do some things she has said....
1) that they really are just friends and he wud never try anything with her
2) she just doesnt see him that way any more.
this is not the case as you will now see - my comments will be in (brakets)...
(she has also been telling me her distance was due to tiredness and i had started to beleve that)
also when me and him are on msn at the same time - she will say 2 words to me then go chat to him for ages - i thought ok cool if hes just a friend thats what friends do sometimes u just chat about everything)
ok here is the main parts of the logs - this is just from about a week... and all i have...
she is clearly not over this guy and likes him at the expense of what we (had) she told me she just wants her best friend back and i understood that - stupid lol cos she told me herself she keeps asking to see him...
this is in chronoligacal order but i have left any 'normal chat' out
it gets worse as it goes on...
LOG FROM: 13th oct 2010 - 17th oct 2010
HER: week off next week
(why the wink?)
HIM: Im tired
remember? (remember our bedtimes?)
HIM: night then
HER: oh your going? (she never puts sad face when i go anymore and she used to all the time)
HIM: yeah tired hun
HER: oh ok
night then i spose x
HIM: back and forth
to and fro
HER: bit of willy jazz
HER: u still sexin her?
HIM: yeah of course
they're good to bury face into
HIM: or you know... shagging
HER: yeh i dont rele wanna kno ta
tmi! (why ask then it obv made her jealous)
HIM: but they're not all that
HER: i prefer mine personally (draws attention to her boobs)
------ she changes her name here to: p.s i'm still not over u lalala lala (with music notes around it)--------
HER: ur silly
my tongue hurts
you got it peirced?
HIM: so ya know...
HER: so ya kno wat
HIM: yeah what?
HER: u kno
HIM: i wouldn't know
u will have to demonstrate
HER: yeh (BITCH! lol)
you're still not over me? oh no
HER: its not about you
HIM: ''ooh it's just a song i like''
HER: i just rele like the song
HER: not EVERYTHINGS about u lol
HIM: but that is
we'll never be over each other
HER: excuse me?
HIM: you heard
HER: haa u make us sound like ross and rachel
HIM: yeah similar
HER: gay face (in a friendly way - she also has this same pet name for me)
HIM: we should be ya know... FBs
HER: no lol
HIM: *pokes willy in bum*
***changes her name to: coz when im with him i'm thinkin of you, thinkin of you, what you would do if you were the one spendin the night (with music notes) not even half an hr later ***
HER: (with music notes) u spin my head right round wen u goo down
HIM: hehe u thinking of me when you're with him
HER: not everything applies to u
HIM: it clearly does
HER: how did u work tht one out?
HER: wats it to u neways (pissed off cos she knows he dont want her really)
*** has changed his/her status to Appear Offline *** (think i was talking to her at the time and she said she has to go)
**** he sends a pic of himself here without being asked ****
HER: i miss henry huggles (cuddles) (wow!)
***************this is where it gets bad*****************
HER: im so tiired
HIM: well you get some sleep then baby
HER: i wont sleep yet tho
my minds still live and kickin
HIM: what you think about baby?
HIM: what bit?
HER: all the bits
HIM: well don't
we're just mates now (he had to tell her?! how bad is that)
HER: haha :P
annd ur a lesbian
HIM: bed time
HIM: hehe you mean if i was spending the night (about her name)
HER: and? (means and what else?)
HER: *sigh* (cos he didnt say and sex - or cos he cant be there)
HIM: often its about me
HER: not often
HIM: u put butter on your boobs, i lick it off
HER: :O henry!
HER: massive willy
its as big as a wind turbine
HER: hahaahaha he likes it on all fours
HER: its good
do you remember the last time?
----- some normal crap... ---------
HER: so when you coming to see me?
HIM: Prob when i get my new bike
HER: you have like a 100 bikes haha
HIM: their not suitable - i havnt got a big bike atm
HER: for your sizable willy?
so yeah as u can see i am NOT happy
i woudld never have talked to any girl like this while i was with her - esp an ex - and esp since she saw how much it nearly destroyed me last time
anyway tho soon as i read this all feelings for her instantlly vanished into thin air - all i have now is anger and disbelif
i do have some questions tho....
I txt her straight after saying "its over"
then again saying these...
(these are prob a bit AFC but i wasnt thinking right)
"and henry's dead" (the guy lol)
"after everything ive done for you how could you"
then i tried to call her for ages and ages im not sure if she was just aslep and cudnt hear it or just wasnt answering anyway i then txt...
"im not gonna shout at you i just wanna talk"
then LOADS more of call trying - no way is she not hearing it now she obv just aint answering
"answer the phone"
i wasnt calling to get back with her tho - i just wanted an explaination
i still do really...
must have tried calling her literlly 50 times and then just stoped and aint txt or called since (its only the same day tho)
basiclly i wanna know what u think - im justified dumping her right? lol
also i still want this explaination - i was gonna just go turn up at her house tommorow armed with my proof and make her face me for what she has done - i think she is getting off way too lightly otherwise
also i owe her mum money and her mum gave me a free brand new bike today - her mum has been nothing but nice to me so i still wanna pay her back - after all it aint her who has done anything wrong
i was gonna go there monday if i dont turn up tommorow to go give her mum the money and 100% blank my ex even if she tries to talk to me.
this might all seem petty but she hasnt just done wrong but REALLY wrong esp to make me tortue myself all this time thinking it was all in my head - and nearly left me many times cos i "accused her when she wasnt doing anything" - she doesnt deserve to just get away with it
so what do you all think of it all and what i wanna do about it? i am not even considering getting back with her - she had a chance after before and blew it big time - and i could never trust her again now.
she is gonna try all sorts of excuses like it was just in a joking way etc etc - but if that was the case why lie? and it dont seem very joky to me - its clear she wants him
lol sorry this was a book but there was a lot to say
thank you if you have got this far and let me know - thanks for replying - oh and btw im not even hurting (yet) just got so much anger in me - but id never do anything physical to anyone - even tho i know i said he's dead.
thank you again
10-23-2010, 11:37 PM #2
- Join Date
- Jul 2006
If you want to end it with someone, you don't text them "it's over". You tell them "we have to talk".
You don't break up via text unless you're in a LDR. She's now embarrassed about this and doesn't want to face you, but you did this, not her. You blew that chance to talk to her face to face as soon as you did that.
Pretty simple - you snooped twice and you found her hand in the cookie jar. She screwed up after a year, but all relationships take 2 people to screw it up.
Someone who's not over their ex - in the end there's nothing to be mad about. They have a stronger history that your relationship wasn't strong enough to handle, and it might be a shitty relationship, but she can find that out in due time for herself.
You and her should talk to each other, but tell her "I'm going to give the bike back to your mom, I'm paying her the money back, and either you can be with me to let her know it's over, or I'll just tell her myself." I guarantee she's going to try to get a hold of you because she doesn't want you embarrassing her by saying something negative about her.
My advice - don't bring up what you read to her, or her mom. If she knows you read the chats, she feels humiliated. There's no point in piling on or even being angry at her. You're not married to her or live with her, or have a kid with her. You just part ways and meet someone else who isn't hung up on their ex.
I don't think there's any reason to get back together with her, but don't ask her for explanations why. It's an ex, and sometimes you never get over your ex.
Nothing happened with them except chatting and texting. Try to work on relationships where you can talk to your gf more than texting her.
You're not a victim,so forget about all the "how could you do this to me" stuff. If you were busted having a conversation like that and your gf read it, you wouldn't want to face her either.
Shred the proof or light it up and burn it. It's already burned into your brain as it is.
10-24-2010, 12:50 AM #3
- Join Date
- Jan 2010
Okay mate, listen up. A few years ago I had the same issue as you. I didnt trust my girl, I was jalous all the time and I checked her chats etc. Finally I fucked it up by being so needy and desperate. To keep a girl attracted to you, you will need to be willing to take the risk to loose her. Dont be predictable etc. Aswell you reaaally need some attitude man. I got a girlfriend right now after 3 years of fucking around helped by MM and I enjoy the relationship. I do things she dont suspect, I am flirting with other girls when she is with me (to show that I have other options and I am everything except desperate and needy in the relationship) and I am doing a lot of fun, exciting things with her when I feel like we had a boring week. You have to invest in the relationship but also have to be more confident and less carring. Aslong as you continuely care about loosing her, you will.
So my advice: if you have a relationship, be a bit of a jerk and a sweet guy at the same time. Do the romantic unsuspected things, but also be to late on appointments, flirt with other girls and tell her about how much fun it was to flirt with that girl and reject her (she will be like: my man can get other girls but in the end chooses for me ... this will always make her aware that you dont need her so she will have to try her best to keep you) and put your friends on the first place. (I mean that sometimes you should cancel a appointment with her and go to your friends, and sometimes just show up spontanously)
This will keep your relationship more fun and exciting and you will see that she will invest more in you and you will have the pants on in the relationship, she will stay in love aslong you let her fight for you once in a while.
and then here it comes: my #1 rule on cheating. If a girl, for excample MY girl, ever cheats on me I am just being relaxt about it and will say its no problem. Then I will seduce one of her best friends and I will fuck her. WHY? First of all, a girl cheats because its exciting and she is bored of you, but when she did it and you dont seem impressed she feels fucked up about it because she didnt start the fire like she wanted and she doesnt seem to be so important to you that you care. Then why fuck one of her best friends? You will simple make a statement. If she cheats, its fine and you arent pissed on her (or atleast dont show it) and then when you just fuck her best friend like that and just again dont make a problem of it and dont start a fight but just let her find out she will know that she has you but also can easily loose you. And finally: you will be on the same level again, you throwed up a huge wall for her noose which prevent the next cheating and ... you fucked her best friend which is hilarious :P
10-24-2010, 03:39 AM #4
- Join Date
- Aug 2007
Fuck explanations. She's not over him and wants to fuck him? What do you need from her? To hear "Yes I wanted to fuck him all along and you were just a tampon to be used. And lousy one, because I'm still not over him"? If it were me, I'd drop her cold turkey. I don't like anyone going behind my back. I recently told my 2 "friends" to go fuck themselves because of that.
If she cheats, its fine and you arent pissed on her
10-24-2010, 06:04 AM #5
- Join Date
- Jul 2010
Dump her, move on, and you'll find someone better who isn't attached to her ex. I've been down that road, and girls who aren't over previous relationships are essentially cheating on you emotionally from the start. Stay away from them.
10-24-2010, 06:50 AM #6
- Join Date
- Jul 2006
Problem with this is revenge fucking the best friend isn't always a possibility or she has UG friends that no matter how much you drank, you couldn't go through with it, and when your gf or wife's caught and wants to keep the relationship going, she might even expect you to do it, or encourage you to do it, so you and her are "even".
If a girl did this to me... I'd leave. I want her to talk to her first (and I wouldn't sound upset over the phone, just find a time to see her that day and pull my shit together), then maybe give her the proof (or just refer to what you read in the chat, that's more than enough proof), hear what she has to say, and say nothing about the future of the relationship. And then in a couple of weeks, after I've seen what else was out there,reconnected with old friends, and all that, talk to her with a clear mind. Maybe I did or didn't have sex with someone. Maybe I spent those 2 weeks reading.
What might happen is her family and friends might try to talk to you, mostly about how you're doing, just assume she's trying to find out through them how you're doing, and just keep it basic and short. Be polite and friendly to them, because you could still maintain contact with them. If they think what she did was stupid, they're more on your side, but at the end of the day they're her friends and family. But it doesn't mean if you see them out and about that you can't talk to them.
My only rule is don't lie to me, and I tell anyone that wants to be in a relationship with me is that they need to tell me when it's not going right, but a lot of times it's so subtle and under the radar, that women don't even realize how far things have gone when they're in the middle of it. They're just unhappy in the LTR and want to find something to make them happy. It can be as harmless as a conversation, but having that convo with an ex isn't harmless. It's going off what you've experienced and very dangerous. I know if I was hanging with my ex I could sleep with her even though she's married. I can make her forget about her current relationship. I also know if someone has a history with someone else, the same thing can happen to me if he's more persuasive than I am.
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