LDR, losing attraction?

[brfcPaul]

LDR, losing attraction?

I stay in Vegas every summer and i hooked up with a girl HB 8.5 Ive known for a couple of years, newly single. it went perfectly and she came back and stayed with me in vegas for 2 more weeks, and we made it official. she soon came to the uk (shes american) and we had the time of our lives, it was perfect. I work my own hours and i work where i like, so it makes it all feasible. Now, few points about gf;

- shes not really the soppy or lovey dovey type, very independent, wont emotionally lean etc.
- not sure she gets that attached to people, not much interest in kids or marriage. quite quick to not have her ex back after they split up.
- she is very trustworthy. hates cheating, and i know people that have known her for years and they confirm this.
- she hasnt got a huge sex drive, not generally that sexually open.

So despite the above, she was obviously loving the whole situation and was an exeption to all of it until a couple of weeks ago. I made the mistake of mentioning marrigage and kids (more of a debate purpose), but the marriage thing was more because i would pretty much need it to live with her either side of the pond, a long time down the road. she went along with it pretty well. We were pretty cuddly etc, and she even told her friends before i go to america that shes different with me and more cuddly/kissy than previously.

The problems started after i arrived. We have never argued, but in PUA terms I think switching the rolls and me relying on her for things (ie. car) made us lose something. I didnt click with her friends as well as she did with mine. She is a student nurse which stresses her out a lot (one failed test and she gets put back, 5am starts 2 days a week, hates not seeing her friends enough).

The problems;
- I look back to her skype messages 2 months ago and she was telling me how she was going to rip my clothes off, happy to make her friends wait if i was available to talk etc. If i ask a question she will always reply, she doesnt flake, but she doesnt go out of her way and the replies are kind of plain. Not any positive response from sexual messages from me.
- Her ex still wants her (dont think hes told her) and she has to see him every thursday to pick up weed and she usually smokes with him then. In the summer time, if he told her in a message he missed her she would dismiss him and say 'fine if your going to be like that...' Hes actually playing it kind of cool now, talking aabout other hook ups etc and it may be making her jealous? They were best friends for years before they hooked up so she should want to see him, but;
I know i shouldnt look through a phone or fb but i succumed (and its a damn sight harder now I seen what i did). the last saturday i was in America just before we went home she was in a weird mood, sent and received 2 msgs and was constaantly xhecking her fone, and even took it to the toilet. by the time we got home she had deleted both sent and received messages.
In her fb chat last night, she was talking to her ex. she said she needed weed, he said ok we can grab lunch then get real high and she said 'sounds perfect', should I be sus? when he talked about money he said "i would rather blow it on u" and she replied 'u dont have to blow it on me haha', same Q...

She doesnt know i know the above. she told me she was picking up weed but hasnt mentioned the lunch. It just concerns me she seems bubblier with him than me. she still smiles, still laughs and jokes, and sometimes it goes back to the old ways. its really screwing with my head and i dont know if i should be worried or not. At first she wanted me to come over in november but says she has her finals and will just see me in december. december visit has been cut from 4-2 weeks beause she wants time to see her family and friends as well. On one hand its reason, on the other it sounds like she is going off the idea. She hates talking about her feelings, but whenever I say "babe do you still want to come over in december, is there any problems, its fine just tell me" she says she is just stressed and she is coming and its fine. Whenever I mention anything about her coming (ie. this time ur gona hav to do this or that) she always agrees, smiles a little, but doesnt engage enthusaistically. I have no problem with her seeing her ex, but I do have a bit of a problem with her not discouraging his obvious probes (he loves to put the occasional line about them 2 having history)

So I guess I just need advice. Sorry about the long post. This is a toughy because she is never one to talk about her feelings, she may have well just gone back to her natural state. She told her friends she could move here after last time, so Im kind of hoping just to get to december. Should I question her? Should I just back off for a bit, live my life and see what happens? Feels wrong to let go of something that was so perfect every day, when she instists everythings fine. I cant quote her messages, but I could say something like "iits good you and ur ex are friends and hes not making u feel uncomfortable with come ons anymore".. Apologies for the long post.

[brfcPaul]

OK, just wanted to add something else, been reading http://roissy.wordpress.com/2009/11/...-relationship/ this little gem and its making me realise how weak and pathetic my mindset is. Add this to womens intuitions skills.... i will come across as a lame duck as it continues. the problem isnt really lack of contact, but content. If she gets with the other guy what can I do. So I'm going to carry on with my pro active life, I'm going to keep things short and sweet when I talk to her. Later we are meant to be watching something over skype together. I think I'll just delay it with 'iv got some shit i need to deal with first' and then work out (hmm) something to say when she tells me she is busy after (if she has her proposed lunch with her ex that will be the case). I also figure the best idea is to add in the factors that attract women (short answers to encourage intrigue, family or friend visits to show ppl rely on me, working harder for vision etc).

A few of my favourites that I just read in case anyone is in a similar boat....

When a woman pulls back, a typical man’s instinct will be to try and fix his flagging relationship. Men do; that’s how we’re designed. Unfortunately, more often than not this male instinct to action will drive the nails into the coffin of his dying relationship

Women cannot resist chasing a man who has made himself unavailable. The disappearing act is every man’s ace in the hole; women are nearly powerless to it. They have no defense.

If your No Contact Zone game hit the mark, you will detect a hint of nervousness in her voice. Congratulations, sir, you have regained hand. BUT… you can lose it all if you in any way ACKNOWLEDGE the No Contact ruse. Like Fight Club, the first rule is to not talk about it.This will, naturally, drive her mentally insane. Fitfully for us men, mental insanity in women triggers seismic gina tremors. She will invite herself over for (in her mind) make up sex. Your job is to step aside and let the hamster in her head spin itself to exhaustion as you fornicate to the wee hours.

Im learning. this is something I do well and I believe its important to note to NEVER give her an answer she expects, wants, decides. Keep her guessing and chasing her tail. Thats where you want her mind to be. Put her to work.

No contact is an excellent reset no doubt, but it’s the kiss of death if you don’t follow up and consolidate correctly when you reestablish contact. The single worst rookie mistake and epic shit test you can fail is to fall prey to being perceived as ‘sulky’.The art involved in a non contact attention withdrawal is the same principle used for a takeaway – you’re denying attention as a reward. The single best tool in your PUA tool kit is a woman’s imagination. A no contact withdrawal reestablishes competition anxiety and the imaginings start to do their work. All of this tension will amount to shit and resentment if she feels her concern was misplaced because you’re really a sulking beta that no woman would compete with her for anyway. You’ve just given her confirmation of it.