How did I screw it up?
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  1. How did I screw it up?

    Sorry guys...long post coming up but worth a read.

    I'm late 20s now, met a girl 4 years ago at my workplace. I fell for her withing a couple of meetings but she had a boyfriend. I still used to ask her to do stuff in the evenings or out to lunch...she'd usually say yes and then either bail or have someone else there. But nonetheless she seemed to like me...said so at one point (though wasn't conclusive wording I'll admit).

    She left said workplace 3 years ago, I did let her know my feelings in an e-mail then and she responded warmly, said our paths might cross again. We stayed in touch by e-mail now and then. She emigrated with her guy, we stayed in touch by e-mail still. Looking back all the e-mails were a bit wordy and AFC.

    Then earlier this year she's back in the country and v. recently single. I get back in touch but am not too forward...generally less AFC. Surprisingly she asks ME for a drink very quickly (I just suggested a catch up at some vague point) and I think it's all on. But out of the blue she cancels said drink the day before, sort of withdraws from me a bit.

    I probably pushed a bit too much in the follow up, but saw her again as I took her to a social event. Next couple of months saw her only once again, again not a date as such. Both times she seemed a combination of touched yet wary.

    Then things dry up over the summer, no excuse to see her.

    So I make one (spurious work reason) and we met up 2 weeks ago...she actually postpones the first meeting, typical I think but she actually apologises and chooses another day. It finally happens.

    I keep the conversation all work related and feign professionalism for once...she seems to warm a lot to me that evening, more than in the past...I get actual IOIs and really start to feel she's melting to this.

    I finally think it's gonna happen but I have to keep up the work I mail her at the end of the week about work, yet invite her to a gathering at mine. She says she busy and, to my surprise, doesn't offer an alternative. Doesn't seem congruent to her interest earlier in the week.

    Anyway I reply teasing her about non-attendance with an in joke, she replies back in kind. And then I think "sod it I can't take this anymore, gonna ask her out." So I ask her for a drink, but for the first time ever I actually spell out that it's a date. She politely says no.

    I replied back same day, good humoured and accepting, but stating that I'm closing the book. End with a little in joke (a slight neg) and then delete every single e-mail we've ever exchanged, plus her number.

    She did actually reply to my mail (nothing much to report in her reply) but I didn't reply back. And that's where the story ends.

    Guys: where did I screw up?

  2. #2
    ZachE84 Guest

    I have taken a few girls out from my office (not people I directly work with!) and I can tell you that you should not have tried to hide your intentions. After building attraction, qualifying, etc while at work I straight up ask them, "Lets go out.". This has always worked for me, I get their number, call them and set something up. Women want a man that knows what he wants. Don't do all this beating around the bush - it comes across as shady and lets her think you have low confidence. Always be direct.

    The reason it didn't work out was what I said above. You asked for a work meeting and then treated it as such. She probably got bored to death and now thinks you are boring. Again, I can only assume this is what happened.

  3. Thanks for that. The reason for the beating around the bush in the first place is that she was with someone else back then. Guess I should have viewed it as off limits in the first place.

    And the work all honesty it was the only way to re-start anything as she had gotten a bit wary of me asking her out otherwise. Maybe you're right though, I should have been more assertive when she became single. I kinda was though...maybe just not enough!

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