What the hell is going on??

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  1. #1

    What the hell is going on??

    3 months ago I moved desks at my office and was placed next to this girl. Sure I was attracted to her but had no intentions of pursuing due to the fact that we work so close in proximity. Soon we begin to chat back and forth via email. Our convos turned into her frustration about a certian guy she was seeing. Since I had no ulterior motives I was glad to give advice. I gave her good honest advice, didn't hold her hand, didnt agree with her all the time, told her when she was acitng dumb etc.

    Fast forward 3 months. That guy is long in the past and my relationship with her has grown close. She has toldme things she doesn't normally share with people, including her deep rooted physical insecurites and what not. As hard as I tried to ignore it I couldnt deny I was catching feelings for the girl. Before I knew it she was texting me every night. AAnd like a fool I was always there. She dropped the talk about other guys and began to flirt and drop hints my way. She would tell me how good looking I am or how dashing I can be. She would tell me I was handsome or must have tons of girls all over me. She would smile at me during work blah blah blah.

    I was blinded and began to fall for it. I gave her all the attention she wanted. Never clingy but always available. When she would text, I would text back. When she felt down I would pick her up. When she said she felt ugly I would tell her how pretty she looked. She did this quite often (every day or so) and I would always reassure her.

    I figured she was interested given her compliments and the fact she would get jealous if I mentioned another girl. I just thought she was being coy and wanted me to make the move. She didnt make this easy for me and would be flaky at times. Last week we had plans set up and she cancelled last minute. This was the point in which it dawned on me that although I consider myself very self aware I had somehow blindly lead myself right into the friend zone. I was furious with myself for two days for not realizing my actions. I was blinded, completely.

    I wanted to get things out in the open just so she knew my intentions and so I could get some frustration off my chest. I told her I did develop feelings for her and I had put myself out there and could tell she wasnt interested. I said I'm fine with that and want to remain friendly but I simply can not keep acting like I was before for obvious reasons. She gave me some nonsense about how I am a guy she could like and would like but she is emotionally numb due to too many toxic relationships and the recent death of a few friends. Either way, she wasnt intrested.

    So, I stopped giving her attnetion. A drastic drop off in fact. No more texts, no more reassurnace, for the past 2 months we had been talking back and forth 9 hours a day at work and had nihgtly text convos and that stopped as well. I hardly even look at her now. I am very careful not to be mean or seem angry or salty in anyway, I am my happy self but just act like I am completely uninterested in her. She tested me and asked me "how does my dress look today" or would tell me she was "having a terrible day" to see if I would take the bait and reassure her or let her vent to me. I didnt. Not even a budge.

    It has only been 5 days since the attention drought and she is now acting much different. She wore a outfit yesterday that she knows I really like and of course I didnt comment. She is now incredibly angry at me. She has begun to ignore me. She is short with me, snippy and bitchy. This morning she flipped out on me for the way I looked at her, she told me I was "incredibly rude and had no manners"

    I just want to know where this is all coming from. She was the one who wasnt interested in me. I backed off. I'm not being mean or fiesty or saying things to get under her skin, I simply stopped deluging her with endless compliments and reassurance. Why is she suddenly so angry with me? What is she thinking?



  2. #2

    She is an emotional hurricane right now. Don't attempt to understand her.

    Stop analyzing and try to get her out of your head. Go for some alone time, some hobby you've been neglecting. Personally running has been really helpful for me in this situation

    EDIT: How did you respond to her snapping at you? Did you stay upbeat and unaffected?

  3. Now... she's ATTRACTED (attraction is not a choice!)

    If you had asked me what to do when she indicated she's not interested, I would had told you to do what you did. You played it beautifully.

    She is very vulnerable to rapid escalation at this point. It sucks it's a work environment.

    If you were to walk with her on the street at night... you could easily push her against a wall and kiss her passionately.

    I have no idea how you escalate at work. I wouldn't do it, because if I got it all wrong... it can blow up in my face in a nasty way.

  4. #4

    Quote Originally Posted by entadus View Post
    She is an emotional hurricane right now. Don't attempt to understand her.

    Stop analyzing and try to get her out of your head. Go for some alone time, some hobby you've been neglecting. Personally running has been really helpful for me in this situation

    EDIT: How did you respond to her snapping at you? Did you stay upbeat and unaffected?
    I did stay calm and unaffected. I feel like this was planned on her part becuase it happend the moment she walked in today. I looked up at her from my computer screen and she just flips. I told her I guess I cant breathe without pissing her off so instead I will leave her alone. That seemed to piss her off more.She wanted me to crawl back apologizing and kissing up. Boy is she a mess.

  5. #5

    Quote Originally Posted by famestory View Post
    Now... she's ATTRACTED (attraction is not a choice!)

    If you had asked me what to do when she indicated she's not interested, I would had told you to do what you did. You played it beautifully.

    She is very vulnerable to rapid escalation at this point. It sucks it's a work environment.

    If you were to walk with her on the street at night... you could easily push her against a wall and kiss her passionately.

    I have no idea how you escalate at work. I wouldn't do it, because if I got it all wrong... it can blow up in my face in a nasty way.
    So are you saying it's all for nothing? I pulled myself out of the Friend zone and built the attraction but now can't do anything about it? She is currently giving me the silent treatment as if we are still in the 3rd grade. She is hoping I apologize from the way I looked at her this morning. How would you handle/proceed?

  6. Quote Originally Posted by sooner999 View Post
    So are you saying it's all for nothing? I pulled myself out of the Friend zone and built the attraction but now can't do anything about it? She is currently giving me the silent treatment as if we are still in the 3rd grade. She is hoping I apologize from the way I looked at her this morning. How would you handle/proceed?
    My feeling is she's like a volcano ready to erupt. I can only tell you what my game plan would be - I don't know if it's the best plan.

    I'd continue doing what you have been doing, act as if you have no idea why she is acting up. She had all the attention and now she lost it! It's creating massive attraction. All this huffing and puffing means you are constantly on her mind.

    Then, I'd try to get her out of work. Outside of work, and while she's still acting up, I'd immediately escalate physically with a bold move like shoving her against a wall and kissing her. That'd be the volcano eruption, it'll release all the sexual tension. No words can have the effect of this!

    The risk is, if this doesn't work you can have problems at work.

  7. #7

    Quote Originally Posted by famestory View Post
    My feeling is she's like a volcano ready to erupt. I can only tell you what my game plan would be - I don't know if it's the best plan.

    I'd continue doing what you have been doing, act as if you have no idea why she is acting up. She had all the attention and now she lost it! It's creating massive attraction. All this huffing and puffing means you are constantly on her mind.

    Then, I'd try to get her out of work. Outside of work, and while she's still acting up, I'd immediately escalate physically with a bold move like shoving her against a wall and kissing her. That'd be the volcano eruption, it'll release all the sexual tension. No words can have the effect of this!

    The risk is, if this doesn't work you can have problems at work.
    Daring you are, my friend. Although your game plan is risky it is more fun than doing nothing. I need to figure out how to get her out fo work. Since I am currently "in the doghouse" and she is giving me the silent treatment I dunno how I would go about getting her out of work without blatanlty falling into the trap of apologizing or chasing her just like she wants me to. I have a feeling she is angry enough that she wont talk to me unless I take the initiative. Just to becuase she is stubborn and wants to prove a point. Any ideas on how to be crafty?

  8. #8

    Quote Originally Posted by sooner999 View Post
    Daring you are, my friend. Although your game plan is risky it is more fun than doing nothing. I need to figure out how to get her out fo work. Since I am currently "in the doghouse" and she is giving me the silent treatment I dunno how I would go about getting her out of work without blatanlty falling into the trap of apologizing or chasing her just like she wants me to. I have a feeling she is angry enough that she wont talk to me unless I take the initiative. Just to becuase she is stubborn and wants to prove a point. Any ideas on how to be crafty?
    You can ignore this. She just went on an apology spree. Blaming her period and asking me, in a very cute way to forgive her. She then made severla attempts to be cute and funny before she asked me what I was doing tonight. I know this was not a ploy to hang out with me, I knew she already had plans, so I let her know I was hanging out with a female friend of mine. "Oh, a lil date", shes says "thats cute".

    She is steaming now muhahaha.

  9. Quote Originally Posted by sooner999 View Post
    You can ignore this. She just went on an apology spree. Blaming her period and asking me, in a very cute way to forgive her. She then made severla attempts to be cute and funny before she asked me what I was doing tonight. I know this was not a ploy to hang out with me, I knew she already had plans, so I let her know I was hanging out with a female friend of mine. "Oh, a lil date", shes says "thats cute".

    She is steaming now muhahaha.
    Perfect! You now have her where you want her, keep her there for a while by running slow burn game - you can do that because you'll see her every day at work! Don't be surprised if she has mood swings - really nice and friendly one day, distant and moody another. She will be seeking your approval. Don't give her a lot like before, just a tiny bit enough to keep her hoping she can control you like before, but make it unpredictable, sometimes give a bit, sometimes nothing at all. She won't be happy she doesn't have you under control and she'll be moody again at some point. Also, read up on David D's cocky & funny, I think it'll work good for your situation with her.

    BTW, it's even better to elude to seeing girls instead of saying it directly, for example if you said to her: "Do you have any suggestions for good red wine?" let her say whatever then you say "The thing is, my friend is coming over to cook dinner, but I'm in charge of wine and I don't know what to get."

    Now for us guys this means nothing. A girl on the other hand will quickly figure out that a guy doesn't usually go to another guy's house to cook dinner, thus the "friend" must be a girl! (credit to Savoy from one of the audio interviews)

    Do give updates about her, this will be fun

  10. Quote Originally Posted by famestory View Post
    Perfect! You now have her where you want her, keep her there for a while by running slow burn game - you can do that because you'll see her every day at work! Don't be surprised if she has mood swings - really nice and friendly one day, distant and moody another. She will be seeking your approval. Don't give her a lot like before, just a tiny bit enough to keep her hoping she can control you like before, but make it unpredictable, sometimes give a bit, sometimes nothing at all. She won't be happy she doesn't have you under control and she'll be moody again at some point. Also, read up on David D's cooky & funny, I think it'll work good for your situation with her.

    BTW, it's even better to elude to seeing girls instead of saying it directly, for example if you said to her: "Do you have any suggestions for good red wine?" let her say whatever then you say "The thing is, my friend is coming over to cook dinner, but I'm in charge of wine and I don't know what to get."

    Now for us guys this means nothing. A girl on the other hand will quickly figure out that a guy doesn't usually go to another guy's house to cook dinner, thus the "friend" must be a girl! (credit to Savoy from one of the audio interviews)

    Do give updates about her, this will be fun
    I'm new to this forum (first day) and love it already. Forgive my ignorance but where might I find David D's cooky & funny?

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