Is it needy to bring up the fact that your girl has been being distant?

**stricktease** · 07-16-2010, 12:25 PM

Is it needy to bring up the fact that your girl has been being distant?

So here's the story, the girl that I'm seeing normally texts and or calls me everyday and the past week I have had to initiate everything. She is normally the first one to end phone conversations and just seems like she is being distant in general. I was wondering if its needy to say something like "hey babe, it seems like you've been a little distant this past week, you doing alright?" We have an ldr so most contact comes through phone and text so I don't know whether or not I'm just feeling needy or whatever. Thanks for the help guys!

**MuGGzy** · 07-16-2010, 12:40 PM

If it has only been a week, while it is normal to FEEL what you are feeling, saying anything could have negative effects. It is conceivable that she is just having a busy week, or she is depressed or bleeding, who knows.
You should find something to do and not contact her for a couple days, wait for her to start to miss you and make some effort. If you go like 4-5 days and she hasn't bothered to try, then you can assume there is something going on here. You would be within your rights to contact her and approach it as you taking charge and not approving of what's going on in the relationship. Don't come at it as "You never call me and you want to get off the phone first and it makes me sad", instead the frame should be "I am not feeling this anymore, I don't see you making much effort anymore and I am starting to wonder if we are really "connecting" anymore, is there anything you want to say?" if she sits there quietly, well you have your answer and you should tell her you have better things to do and you will talk to her some other time. Regardless, if she wants to fix this you need to see some obvious effort on her part.

**deepseadiver** · 07-16-2010, 12:49 PM

I second what he said.

**stricktease** · 07-16-2010, 01:07 PM

Originally Posted by MuGGzy

If it has only been a week, while it is normal to FEEL what you are feeling, saying anything could have negative effects. It is conceivable that she is just having a busy week, or she is depressed or bleeding, who knows.
You should find something to do and not contact her for a couple days, wait for her to start to miss you and make some effort. If you go like 4-5 days and she hasn't bothered to try, then you can assume there is something going on here. You would be within your rights to contact her and approach it as you taking charge and not approving of what's going on in the relationship. Don't come at it as "You never call me and you want to get off the phone first and it makes me sad", instead the frame should be "I am not feeling this anymore, I don't see you making much effort anymore and I am starting to wonder if we are really "connecting" anymore, is there anything you want to say?" if she sits there quietly, well you have your answer and you should tell her you have better things to do and you will talk to her some other time. Regardless, if she wants to fix this you need to see some obvious effort on her part.

Yeah, I agree, I'll just sit on it and wait. She's been updating her Facebook pretty regularly so it leads me to believe that she's not ridiculously busy, besides she's 19 she doesn't have a whole lot to be busy with...

**puaman** · 07-16-2010, 01:51 PM

Originally Posted by stricktease

So here's the story, the girl that I'm seeing normally texts and or calls me everyday and the past week I have had to initiate everything. She is normally the first one to end phone conversations and just seems like she is being distant in general. I was wondering if its needy to say something like "hey babe, it seems like you've been a little distant this past week, you doing alright?" We have an ldr so most contact comes through phone and text so I don't know whether or not I'm just feeling needy or whatever. Thanks for the help guys!

This is exactly whats been happening to me. I talk to this girl I've been seeing for 3 months almost everyday with her initiating most of the time and me sometimes. All of a sudden last week, I only hear from her 2 times and I initiate once. This week I initiated twice and nothing from her so I'm done with that. She needs to put in some effort like she used to. I wouldn't say anything at all....let her come to you. She knows what she is doing. I just wish us guys could know why. I mean in my situation, there was no change or incident that would cause this....at least none that I could see.....but chicks are so weird. Could be a test, could be that we're pushing them too much, could be she is pmsing....who knows!

Oh and you're right about the facebook stuff because I see my girl updating hers as well so how busy could she really be?

How long have you been with your girl? Has she ever done anything like this before?

**Phateless** · 07-16-2010, 02:43 PM

Part of this is the result of spending too much time together. Stricktease and puaman, have you guys both been good about taking time away to see your friends, develop yourselves, and let the girls miss you? Or are you pretty much always with her?

Muggzy gave the best advice - don't freak out - sit on it, chill, do something else, reapproach this is another week or so when you've had time to settle down and she's had a chance to miss you and make an effort.

**stricktease** · 07-16-2010, 03:10 PM

Originally Posted by Phateless

Part of this is the result of spending too much time together. Stricktease and puaman, have you guys both been good about taking time away to see your friends, develop yourselves, and let the girls miss you? Or are you pretty much always with her?

Muggzy gave the best advice - don't freak out - sit on it, chill, do something else, reapproach this is another week or so when you've had time to settle down and she's had a chance to miss you and make an effort.

This is the first time its happened so far, its just weird.
Yeah, we spend a lot of time apart, its an ldr right now, I see her like twice a month, before that we were hanging out during the entire school year but we live an hour and a half apart during the summer so not much time at all spent together... She is on her period though so maybe that has something to do with it, haha

**D3tail** · 07-16-2010, 03:15 PM

Dude, if she's on her period just let it all go. She's probably mad you wore yellow a month ago.

**LegendZ** · 07-16-2010, 03:35 PM

To much of a good thing... just give her space and dont talk with her so much.

**Phateless** · 07-16-2010, 03:38 PM

Originally Posted by stricktease

This is the first time its happened so far, its just weird.
Yeah, we spend a lot of time apart, its an ldr right now, I see her like twice a month, before that we were hanging out during the entire school year but we live an hour and a half apart during the summer so not much time at all spent together... She is on her period though so maybe that has something to do with it, haha

I see... I have trouble with LDRs for exactly this reason: I hate being tied to my phone all the time. There's always a text, an email, a voicemail, SOMETHING to respond to and it irritates me. She's probably just busy and needs a little space. Nothing to freak out over.

Relax dude, it's all gonna be ok.