"Do what you did to initially attract her"
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  1. "Do what you did to initially attract her"

    Has anyone ever thought about what this really means? I know I too am guilty of saying this phrase whenever a guy comes along with "my girlfriend isn't as interested in me anymore".

    Here is my issue with understanding this phrase because there are two contradictory bits of advice being given to guys having trouble with their girls.

    1. Do what you did to initially attract her
    2. Tone down game once in a relationship (ie what you did to initially attract her)

    How can these two be reconciled? If you keep doing 1 your relationship won't progress, if you take option 2 doesnt it make you seem like you're acting incongruent when you attempt to take things back to 1?

  2. #2

    Its why you just need to be yourself Deepsea. You can't keep up a charade for long and it won't fly in a relationship. Its also why so many pua's can't maintain a relationship.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Nov 2006

    I don't think of it as toning down my game, but instead as changing the mix between attraction, qualification, and comfort. Early on in the relationship you're throwing a lot of heavy attraction around, right? Later on in the relationship she needs more comfort than before (shared experiences, trust, etc.). But you CAN'T stop attraction altogether. You have to keep teasing, using humor, etc. - you still need that stuff.

    You can also emphasize other kinds of attraction that are subtle and less "gamey" - like developing as an alpha, working out, having goals, strong social networks, etc.

    I'm far from an expert though... I'm in my first relationship after studying pickup, been together 6 months now - and this is what I've been doing. It seems to be working pretty good so far.

  4. Constantly struggling with this and choosing between these two mentalities myself

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    20 Min. outside of Boston

    Something that might be worth reminding people in relationships of: if you attracted her in the beginning with a teasing type of attitude...girls only like to be teased up to a certain point, just like anyone does. I like to be teased..it's fun, makes things exciting, sometimes it's a good laugh and makes for good humor, but more importantly it makes you appreciate the niceness and compliments. If you have any friends that are girls..don't you often hear stuff like.."but then he said something really nice..and I liked that." Or, "aww you should do something niceee" Girls like nice! I only really throw a tease in if she's teasing me or if I sense the tone has been a little ..asking for a tease? I don't know how to describe it. I think girls like nice things..is what I'm trying to say here haha

    Obviously all girls are different, and we should think of them as people first, everyone thinks different things are nice and all..but in the end we all want good stuff. As simple as that sounds.

  6. On "Be Yourself" as well I think the problem is a lot of guys don't know how they really are. They haven't developed themselves enough to be sure of their core values. Any "Do what you initially did" just ends up as a bandaid.

  7. #7


    I'd say you're spot on. Until you take a conscious look at your values/beliefs/rules/references you have no idea what you identity truly is, merely that you act in a certain way and certain things piss you off. Most people in the world have no idea who they are, who they want to be, why they want that, how their behaviors prevent them from getting said want nor what type of person they'd need to be in order to achieve their goals. Merely this illusory image of what 'tomorrow' should look like.

    Best way to be yourself is to do what you feel to be right.

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