Kids?? Yours and Theirs.....
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  1. #1

    Kids?? Yours and Theirs.....

    Posting this here as I assume the guys in the 30+ bracket are more likely to have teens or be dating women with teens.

    How do you deal with teens that are giving you, or her, crap about dating in general?

    I know it's natural for teens to be self centered and generally selfish, they seem to act like "If I am bored and lonely stuck at home, you should be too! However, if I have stuff to do, I'm out the door, but you should be here when I get home or if I need you for something".

    I am trying to balance dating and meeting women with being a good dad, I only go out maybe 2 nights a week at most and maybe sleep over or have one steady lady sleep over one night on a weekend so it's not like I am NEVER home.

    I am just looking for advice on how to deal with this shit or tell a lady friend that gets the same kind of guilt bullshit from her teens she can deal with it.

    I have already tried to be blunt and state that "if you don't have enough friends, then you need to make the effort to MAKE friends, I cannot and will not be your SOLE social outlet and entertainment" but I don't want to be neglecting my kids legitimate feelings or needs just because I need to go get laid.

    Advice, experiences, ideas all encouraged and welcomed guys (and girls).

  2. #2

    If you wouldn't allow your kids to have their sex partners sleep over, then you shouldn't do it either. It sends mixed signals, confuses your kids and erodes your power base in their eyes.

    You are the prime role model for your children. They will do what you do long before they do what you say to do. So when your lady friend spends the night or you don't come home, you are encouraging that kind of behavior in your own children as well as in hers.

    They will rationalize that you turned out alright, so if they do that sort of thing, they too, will turn out alright.

    Have friends over to your place, play board games, have drinks, play xbox, watch movies, cook meals. You're still getting adult social time, and you're being a good parent. But send(or drive) your lady friends home at the end of the night.

  3. #3

    Good advice above. A lot of it has to do with how often you have your kids. I have my son two nights a week, so those nights are for him and no one else. All of the women I've dated who have good relationships with their kids follow a similar policy.


  4. #4

    They're going to look for an angle to get their way, and use every excuse they can come up with.

    There's not a lot you can tell a gf with teenagers, except be a good listener, and give advice if they're asking for it. A lot of times they're frustrated and want to vent on their kid, but don't want to get the silent treatment or have the argument escalate because the daughter gets her way with her mom. And then you run into those times where the daughter is trying to get you to side with her against her mom, and that's awkward as hell, too.

    It's usually uncomfortable for their kids to think about their parents having sex, isn't it? Even when they're parents are married, there's that "ick" factor all children get, no matter how old they are. And there are some kids who want their mom or dad to be happy, and are fine with it, but then they're laying a guilt trip on you if you don't think you're keeping her happy.

    If you and your kids are talking to each other and the worst thing is complaining, that's not too bad. At least there's communication going on. There's people I know where the mom did a number on her kids heads, and the guy I know got shut out for 10 freaking years before they started rebuilding a relationship, and it was because his daughters were going to have kids, but to this day, they're still not over it.

  5. #5

    ya well the biggest problem, which is actually a GOOD thing, is that we are both the "good parents" in our situations. We both have our kids full time with ZERO breaks, so unless they go spend the night elsewhere neither house is EVER empty.

    Mine is only 15 so I feel what you guys are saying, I try to be a good dad and take care of my business before I play. However hers are 20 and 18 and still at home and pulling guilt trips like they were children. I of course can't, and won't, say SHIT other than smile and nod as she vents.

    Thanks for the feedback guys!

  6. my son is not teen ager yet - he is younger. He sleeps at my place several nights a week, and those nights are dedicated solely to him. I don't feel like going out or bringing a girl over, I like being home and enjoy his peaceful sleep.
    I will face some of these issues when he grows up. As Rodzilla says, we are the prime role models for our children. And my view is that I would like my son to see that I look for healthy relationships and for love and that I am willing to do what it takes to keep relationships heathy and happy. And at some times he may not like it and claim that it is on his expense. I would like at that situation to tell him that I love him and care about him more than anything in the world, but I also want to have a loving relationship with a woman and I would like him to support that, because that is a significant part of my life.

    I belive in open and honest discussions, in being true with oneself. One should not bend over and become a different person or behave against his will only to satisfy the will of other people, including his children. Pleasing every wish of the kids is not equal to being a good parent.


  7. #7

    Lol, I have a son who is a teen and a daughter who is coming up on her "tween" years.
    Granted I'm not a single parent but I could be since my job takes me from home quite often.

    When I introduced my son to PU it kind of took him by surprise. Here I was just talking to random women all over the place. He thought that I might have been cheating. It's not the case, and my wife knows full well what I do. She also trusts me enough that its not an issue.

    I would say that if he saw you out and occasionally talking to women when he was with you that he would become used to the idea. He might also get into it a bit if he also finds the woman attractive.

    Be that as it may, my son got into the whole PU thing. His view on me took on a whole new light. He now asks me for advice on how to get girls at school and work. I just play down the whole seduction part with him. He knows it can happen, I just haven't given him the tools in that department.

    Don't know it that will for you or not, thought it might give you something to consider though.

  8. #8

    Ya I gave the boy The Game recently and he found Herbal's book online and has read that. He asks me random stuff and I give him little "assignments", like "Walk up to 10 diff girls you don't already know and start a conversation or ask a question but don't stay longer than 1-2 mins and then walk away.". I think we BOTH get a kick out of it and it's almost a bonding thing, which is MUCH better than the last few years of me bitching at him to get off the computer and go play with friends in real life.

    I think it's mostly just normal teenager shit, they are selfish little beasts that want the parents there when THEY want them, but if they don't they could care less what we do.

  9. #9

    I'd say less about seduction and more about consequences that come with PUA. And being these kids are from divorced parents, they're probably in no rush to marry the first girl they have sex with, but knowing women who conveniently forget to take the pill, or tell you not to worry about wearing the condom,that's when fatherly advice should come in. And never encourage f-closing under your roof. As a mentor to someone else's kids, anything that doesn't make them think of you having sex with their mom is fine. That is off limits. No one likes thinking of what their parents look like having sex. It's never a pretty sight. I dated someone with a teenage daughter in the next room,I couldn't go through with it because it completely weirded me out that she was awake and prob. could hear what was going on.

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