The first thing you say doesn't actually matter...

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  1. #1
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    The first thing you say doesn't actually matter...

    So neither does my title.. (warning long ass post, pretty much my entire life love story. And still so long i'm surprised by that, or maybe that's just inner frame improving already, i'll let you be the judges , also, not everythign is included, just the key and/or important moments.)

    I would like to start with explaining my situation a bit, i know i'm subscribed to this forum for a while now, but i have never really embraced the community and it's learnings, untill now, atleast i hope.
    So to start explaining, i'm European, from belgium and, in highschook i wasn't considered a nerd, but i wasn't considered a cool guy either. I knew next to nothing about attracting girls and when some girl gave me interest i didn't know what to do with it. I had no bad youth and a good amount of friends, but while i saw everybody hooking up around me, i couldn't.
    I even remember my thoughts at that time, i really couldn't imagine me being with a girl, it was out of my reality. I had no idea how the other guys did it and i thought that it was just the way the universe worked, so i pretty much implanted the idea, the belief in my head that i couldn't get any girl.
    And i didn't, untill one day when i was in college. It wasn't even a college party, it was a random party near where i lived. So the public was mixed, from 14 year olds to 29 year olds. I was pretty drunk (i have quite the sweet spot for alcohol) but i said something to this 16 year old (at the time i was 19), apparently she wasn't repelled by my drunkeness and we danced a bit together. Little did i know that an intimate dance is more than an invitation to kiss the girl... so i just kept dancing. Untill my friend who was with me (he was a social outcast in school a few yeas agi so i considered him to be even less good with girls as me) said i should kill her. And so i did, it was the first time i kissed a girl, even though i was very drunk, i remember it like yesterday (i guess it's true that you don't forget your first kiss).
    Then we exchanged phone numbers and went on a date where i kissed her out of the blue, because i didn't know any better but in retrospect it wasn't that bad. Anyway, we dated for about 4 months and then she broke up with me. She said she didn't feel it anymore. At the time i didn't understand it, i was frustrated, angry, sad... Now i do understand it, i stopped becoming a challenge, i was turned into a wuss, all excitement was sucked out of me. I find it hard to believe she even stayed that long now. I remember i said to my mom: "the reason we broke up is: well, she is young and she doesn't know what she wants". And she said: "Yeah probably, i'm glad you think about it that way". While i should have said: "She broke up with me because i went from attractive to a boring sob, and i failed to create attraction anymore. Which was the reality, I remember one time we were lying in bed, making out, both of us pretty hot, she took off her clothes except her bra, and i didn't even dare to remove the bra... This now baffles me, because how much of an invite do you get? But that was the way i was back then, and not much later she indeed broke up with me, the no-bra removing at certainly an influence on it i'm sure, like probably many other AFC things i did.

    Ok this is a long intro so bare with me for a sec, this is basicly a new introduction post, but more detailed and more with my heart than the previous one.. which was when i joined this forum, soaked up all the knowledge.. but didn't practise nearly enough.

    I had no idea of this community untill i went on vacation with back then one of my best friends. It was basicly a 2 week vacation all-in in a very tropical location. Of course over the course of two weeks, two guys begin to bond.
    I had never heard of group theory before or any other PUA related stuff but somehow i managed to become friends with a group of foreigners (1 german girl, 1 austrian girl, 1 canadian, 1 englishman). I was a bit drunk and i started talking with them... that's right.. the opener doesn't matter, but i somehow made the right impression afterwards. The reason my friend wasn't there (and maybe for the best cause else i probably would have never met the foreigners) was because he had drank too much during the day and was a bit sick. However in the evening he was feeling better and joined our company, and i introduced him into the group. (the reason i am telling this is because i had no prior knowlegde of it, but i somehow seemed to apply the basics)

    The evening went well, we had fun, but nothing happened, nor was i expecting something to happen.
    As a small sidenote maybe, on the last eve, i decided something should happen, i came there for an adventure. So i got pretty drunk, talked two english girls into joining our table for drinks who were very reluctant at first (a 5 and 6) so totally not hot but that's not what i wanted from them, i just wanted to see if i could get them to join our table, and i did. Later on, here is where my memory starts to get fuzzy, me and my mates went to the club.
    To give a reference about how old i am (cause i'm not sure i did that), i was 21 at the time (now 25, today is my birthday )
    So we were at the club. Suddenly i realise that my friend had been taling about this PickUpArtist, this guy who supposedly could get any women, my reaction back then was 'sure if he's goodlooking and really good, he could get some women' but my friend said: no, all. He was usually very realistic and sober, so i was intruiged. He told me about the photo routine. And i just happened to have carried a camera with me all the time back then. So with my drunken ass i tried the "photo routine" (probably entirely wrong) on many girls, but one set seemed to hook, a spanish girl with her fat gf and a guy. I don't remember what i all said, but mostly english/spanish things, i teased her about el chupacabre (or however you spell that) untill the asked me "want to go to playa".. she was thinking.. "that's beach". i understood playa and said yeah sure, before she pronounced the beach sentence.Sh
    She was playing in the sand and i was sitting on a beach couch (long bench) after a while i said "why don't you sit here, tapping the place right next to me" (if i wasn't drunk i probably would have never gone for it, but i felt the sexual tension) she did, and then i kissed her and grabbed her ass and fooled around a little bit.

    And that's all my pre-community experiences.
    Of course after the trip, i got curious and started looking up all the ACRONYMS my friend provided me with, and learned more. i started downloading e-books and the mystery method book. That book is what opened my eyes, i've always been a pretty scientific person, but i just couldn't grasps women, but with this book, it was beautifully explained, it finally made sense.
    And not much after that i also cold approached my very first sets.. (usually coming early to a party me and me friends were going to anyway) and i was amazed at how friendly the people were. Back then i just learned the opener and once i was good with that i'd figure it out on the spot, i was already glad enough to open. After that the set ran stale ofcourse, but it didn't matter, i opened, it was a whole new world for me opening (no pun intended).

    One would think i would continue on this path but i didn't, i got distracted by other things, didn't follow the forums and/or new material anymore and somehow i got sidetracked.
    I got back into the mindset of "i don't need all those silly routines and/or rules, i will find a girl the normal way"
    It's very easy to fall back into that mindset if you don't commit yourself to daily do something PUA related btw.
    And sure enough i met another girl, remembering pieces of pick up material, pieces of advice, the mains things, i managed to attract her. It was at a party and i was being cocky/funny out of my self a bit, untill at some point we started dancing intimately. A few seconds later i kissed her cheek and then we made out. The evening went well. I asked her phone number at that point etc.
    On the day 2 i did everything wrong that one could do wrong.
    1) I chose to see a movie.
    2) On the way to the movie i saw friends of mine but didn't say anything to them hoping they wouldn't notice me and cause an awkward moment
    3) after the movie, i didn't suggest a quick drink or something
    4) i didn't kiss her in the process, except when we were at my place to say goodbye, which we all know is a phenomenoly weak move.
    5) i'm sure there are more things which escape my memory

    All that was still ok, we agreed to meet up for another drink, it was with her friends, where i knew no-one except her. I was socially intelligent enough to know to try to start talking to her friends, but somehow the conversation died everytime, to be honest, i thought they were boring shits. And most likely they thought something similar of me. That's the eve she dumped me too. It was about 2 weeks after our initial meeting.

    I don't really remember what i did inbetween of that. Maybe some other period of trying to sarge but not working...
    Another "snapping point" came around december 2008, i had just graduated that year and started working, so i couldn't really go out on weekdays anymore, and my whole working life frustrated me. As a result i got massivly drunk every friday, but not good drunk, way way way too drunk. And one day i woke up and saying, that's enough, it can't go on like this anymore, and i started to commit myself to one hour of pickup material each day and doing all we could to get us there. Of course i couldn't make it every day, and days without doing what we commited too were stockpiling. I lasted a few months and then, just didn't look at it anymore...

    Then around June i decided to pick it up again, and this time for real, as if the gods agreed with me, i got a msg from the forums from someone in my area wanting to sarge with me. I got excited, finally we would make something of this. I started reading all the books again, getting me in state again, soaking up all the knowledge one again, i didn't want to let down my fellow PUA, nor myself.

    When i met him he was a friendly talkative guy, calling me out on my nervousness to meet him and very passionate about the PUA stuff, more than me at the time.
    I was convinced he would learn me a great deal. We held several meetings, perfecting our routines, followed with sarging session, it was at the sessions that i realised he was at the same level as me. I imposed an at least 4 set approach on him but he seemed reluctant. I opened my 4 sets, he barely opened one set on the street, and further than the opener he did not come.

    However he did not give up and i respected that so i beared with him. We met several times more, practising our routines. Me trying to push him to actually commit to doing his sets in field. But he couldn't, so we agreed we had to solve his AA, we would do so in a mall street on saturday afternoon, filled with people, it's pefect for coming over AA. The meeting never went through and after that i never really met him irl again. He said he was busy with football but after that he never really reconnected, like he had given up.

    At that point i was fully into the whole PUA stuff, and no way i would quit, i would continue on my own if that's what it takes. However, after that i went on vacation with friends and couldn't read about it for a week and i was totally out of state. Luckily i realised it this time and i started reading up on it again, and my state improved, i also think my confidence improved because the last few months i've had multiple IOI's from alot of girls, and a few nr closes and k-closes.

    I think my mindset and frame is finally slowly changing and i like it.

    Now to come to the fieldreport, it's a new school semestre here in belgium, wich means alot of parties during the week, exellent for an apprentice PUA, so i decided to sarge tonight, but at home when i though about it i was pretty scared, i drank a bit of vodka to lessen it (i know you shouldn't depend on it, but i'm gonna do it agian with less amounts each time, damn i sound like an addict don't i? )
    Anyway, at first i didn't open shit, i saw a friend of mine and talked to him for about 45 mins, this got me in state though, so i started openeing, first set i blew out after trying to transition when she wouldn't want to give me her hand for the cold read.
    Second set was not bad, not bad at all, i opened, engaged the group, teased the target, ran some routines, by then me and the target where already kind of isolated from the group. (My guess it's because it's a loud venue and it's really hard to keep a convo between more than 2 people for a long time) i had my IOI's and started qualifying her. She always took the bait and responded well so i was about to move into comfort. Right at that time some guy arrives and like hugs her, grabs her, and keeps a hold of her and i hear him say "ah good i was already getting worried" I'm guessing it was her bf and he started to get worried about the situation, good, i consider that sarge a success
    Next sarge pretty much the same deal, but after i ran my attraction routines and i got some IOI's i froze up, i didn't know anymore where i was (in the EPM), i tried to make some small talk instead but the set (by then just the girl) froze up, she said she was going back to her friends and i tried to join by saying i was also heading that way but that was obviously a bad move.

    Anyway, now my sticking point seems to be that i sometimes just black out and don't know what do or say anymore, while at home i perfectly know what routines to use what to say, how to act, but in the heat of the moment i get lost.

    Practise will improve this and i will keep practising, with less and less amounts of alcohol involed.

    Good night all.

    Retoke out!



  2. #2
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    I was planning to go sarging again yesterday eve but a friend of mine gave a party for her birthday and other friends were joining as well, plus i got invited by another girl in my social circle who likes me.

    First a little background on the social circle girl who likes me, let's call her SCHB.
    She has a long term relationship with some guy i don't really know, but i've known her for a year or 2-3. One time at a party we were really hitting it off and i ended up kiss closing her. Because she had a boyfriend i didn't pay much attention to it and assumed it was a one time thing (fools mate if you will, we were both a bit drunk as well). However, afterwards she sent an e-mail to me asking for my number in case she wanted to party with me and my friends (she already had the number of some of my friends). So i did and we started texting back and forth. Long story short we ended up seeing eachother again at a party and we were hitting it off again. But then somewhere along the way i got a bit too drunk and i saw her talking to some guy all the time, i tried blowing him out several times but it didn't work. I was getting way too emotional and my mood was ruined so i went home. Later on i found out the guy was actually an ex and that they had to talk but nothing actually happened. I also found out that she broke up with her long term boyfriend (not the ex at the party) pretty recently.

    I thought i had ruined it with her by acting that way so i stopped texting. But then a week later she texts me asking if i'm mad at her. I said that i wasn't and we started texting back and forth again.

    Later she invited me to this other party, i said i wasn't sure i would come because i had to work the next day, but she kept asking me practically begging me to come. So i went there but i also knew her long term ex was being there, so i would limit the fysical escalation at the party but then isolate her outside and go for the k-close again.
    And that's exactly what i did, at the party we danced a bit intimately and i touched her butt and held her hand and stuff but nothing more, but when i was outside with her and i went for the k-close (i was pretty sure i was gonna get it at that time) but she turned her face away. I was more surprised than disappointed, and i reacted emotionally again (really need to try to control myself in the heat of the moment). She said she didn't know what she wanted right now and also said she just came out of a long term relationship.
    Then she left for holiday for two weeks, i knew that if i didn't do anything now it would probably be over forever cause of the loss of emotional momentum and my poor reaction, (if not already the case), so i texted her wishing her a good trip to India, and she replied positively and with a kiss.

    So that's the background, she invited me to that birthday party few days after the holiday, again i was suprised she hadn't lost attraction. I said i might come but i was unsure. But i knew i was going for sure.(instead of sarging but now i had the opportunity to test my kiss close game)
    At first i acted a bit distant and talked to my other friends mostly. Then she started to hit on other guys a bit. I guess it was to make me jealous and "punishing me" for acting distant. I acted like i didn't care and continued talking to my friends, but i did care. After a while i had enough of it and i blew the other guys out and we were hitting it off again, lots of kino, lot's of teasing, a lot of push/pull, some indicators of interest on my part and then releasing it with a small neg. All good so far. We ended up dancing closely again and i did the evolution phase shift routine to try and kiss close her. But again it failed. This time i did not react poorly and i said "still nothing? Ok but just so you know i am gonna keep trying". She giggled. I froze her out a bit, and afterwards pulled her back in. I didn't try again that night, it was getting late and i needed to leave anyway.

    So any thoughts on what the deal is with this girl, she is obviously attracted to me but she won't kiss anymore. My idea is that in her logic she doesn't want a relationship yet, and that even in the heat of the moment that thought is too strong to be broken. I also may lack some comfort, haven't had the chance of going in deep comfort with her yet.

    retoke out!

    edit: i forgot to mention she, the SCHB, is a HB8

  3. #3

    Nice detailed background there man, good job. I'm at a similar stage in my game, just starting to approach all the time and gradually working on each stage as I come to it.

    Concerning the girl, seems like you're making her too much of a big deal, veering towards one-itis. Talk to other girls, keep your options open and let her see that she is not your only option, don't let her be the one holding the strings in your relationship.

    Good luck and keep posting updates

  4. #4
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    Thanks for the reply and i guess you're somewhat right. I started to develop too many feelings for her. But most of them are gone now, or atleast dorment.
    In a way i want it to work out, but if it doesn't, it's all the better cause i can concentrate on improving my game then. If it works out i still will go sarging atleast i have that intention now. If that will actually happen when it's so far i don't know. Nevertheless either way i'm happy.

    Anyway i planned to go out sarging today, i'm now trying to get in state with good music, a little bit of booze, and inspirational reading. Reason is I'm not feeling it at all today. Lately i've been very tired and i seem to have troubles falling asleep at night but be deadtired during the day.

    But state is improving now and i'm going through with it. I managed to sleep a few hours after i came home from work to be able to sarge and still get enough sleep in.

    Field report of this night out will follow


    edit: typo

  5. #5
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    Ok so i went sarging again tonight like i announced.
    I have 2 bad newses and 2 good i suppose, I'll start with the bad then the good and then the bad again.
    First bad news is that i only opened 5 sets (i did warm up a bit with the doormen and drink girls but i don't count that), the good news is, that two sets lasted pretty long and therefor it was already getting quite late so i had to return home so i get enough sleep for the next working day. The other good news is that i got 2 phone numbers, but the bad news will outweigh the good news if i say why
    The reason is, i was in one of these sets which was going rather well, i did the lie game, and she even suggested to put a pint of beer on the bet, of course i agreed, of course she failed when i asked, "what question are we now?" or rather succeeded, so she had to pay me a beer. Some common convo's after that and then her and her friends needed to get chips (it was a party where you first had to buy chips in order to get drinks) I said something like, cool, cya later. Opened another set nearby but that one didn't stick. Then i saw them at the "chips" stand, with her other friends, so i approached/joined them once more and since there were new people in it i said "how do you all know eachother?". The hottest girl in that group (it was one of the new girls who wasn't previously there, but part of the target social circle anyway, and guess what, my target just changed ) answered me. She didn't always understand me and started talking about how i have a high voice, for being male. Now no one has ever said i have a strange voice, but when i hear myself on a taperecorder i don't like my voice either, and i think she had a point. I now know i forgot to disqualify her or as old schools would say, neg her.(i'd say she was a HB 8.5) I did laugh it away and acted unaffected, but she was touching me and leaning in to me and kept talking to me, so the IOI's were there i guess. I had the feeling it was going pretty well, i ran the "bitch shield destroyer" saying. "You seem to have good people's knowledge but i can learn you something about yourself too. You are a goodlooking girl, and you get alot of attention right?" At first she said "no". I said: Common, be honest. She said: yeah maybe with a giggle. I said: yeah and i bet friends and people who know you think you are a very confident girl. She agreed with that. I also said: but beneath that you are often insecure but you manage to hide that to the outside world. She also agreed.
    I know i had to qualify her earlier maybe but it seemed to be the right thing to do at the time.
    After that she gave me two numbers of speach specialists in order to learn me to speak in a better manner, normally i'd think this is bullshit but i think some improvement can indeed be made there. (don't get me wrong, she was the first ever to call me out on it, but i think she might be on to something)

    It makes me think she gave false IOI's to actually call the speach specialist's numbers (because it's her friend or something), then again i did and still do believe myself that i can vastly improve on my voice. Maybe it's both true but if i can improve i guess it's worth it.

    And then right when i was about to qualify her she excused herself to the bathroom, leaving me alone, the set she was with was already pretty far away by then. (That happens at parties like that) She did seem to be a bit into me, but she went to the toilet and standing there alone waiting for her would have killed any attraction anyway, so i decided to open other sets. By the end i finished the last set it was time for me to go home though and i never saw her again. Though she touched me and leaned into me and was hot, i had the feeling she was gaming me, if i did have such a bad voice which projected low confidence as she said, why would she be into me? (giving those IOI's) Or maybe this was all a big shit test and/or trying to get her friends to have more work/income.

    Next set i did consisted of a girl i had bumped into before and she said something like "hello" out of the blue, i said "hi" back. And i was on my way, this happened a minute after i was in the place, so i made a mental note to approach her if i saw her.
    And i did, i opened good or so i thought, and i transitioned even better, i guessed she was either a psychology student but she said no, i said ok, then you're a translator student! She was like "OMG how do you know?" I said: You seem to be good with words. I thought i was in by then. I ran a few more attraction routines but other than the "OMG how do you know" i seemed to get practically no IOI's. Before i was able to complete my attraction routines she asked me. "So who are you here with?" Next move was dumb of me, i said: with my friends, they're over there, i was just heading to the bathroom.
    That was what killed the set i think, like i needed an excuse to talk to them.
    She said: "ok i'll be going to my friends over there then, and you can go to the toilet then"
    I thought: shit, lol, alright some girls are waaay too subtle, lesson learned but said: "Cool", gave her the rock, and left to go to the toilet (i actually really had to go) I thought the set pretty much hooked up untill that point, and i guess if i hadn't failed that shit test it was hooked)

    Overall i feel like i'm making progress, main problem seems to be that they don't understand me, most parties are pretty loud and i usually have to repeat parts of my opener (several times). Getting past the hooking point is also another issue. I guess it worked on two sets kind of, but not totally as they fell apart afterwards..but it was long enough to go into qualification both times.
    Another good thing, my bad mood is totally gone, i had some nice conversations, no one was rude to me, especially the hot girl who said my voice could be better was intriguing
    Another thing i did well tonight which lacked in previous sarges was to keep the whole group occupied, it really enables you to stay in set way, way longer. It's hard with loud music but you have to quickly swith between people, giving routines to the target, and just talking random talk/banter/routines(if target can hear it) to the guys and other girls in the group.

    I'm off to bed now.

    retoke out!

    edit: I drank a little bit less alcohol now than last time before sarging so i'm building it down. I keep track of how much i drank.
    It was still hard to start opening sets when first arriving, once i had done the first it was ok.

  6. #6
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    Yesterday evening i went out again with two good friends, the SCHB (social circle girl) was there too. Again we played a bit and danced a bit, but she also danced with other guys, not as intimate with me but still. She always came back to me but this one time she was dancing with yet another dude and they danced long, me and my friends were hanging out nearby on some sort of stage, a little bit higher than everything else. So i walked up to them and i said to her: "Come let's go over there to my friends" which she refused. I just said "ok" and walked off. Not much later i went home, although i didn't show it yet, my mood was ruined, i was pissed. I guess you're kinda right about the one-itis thing, i still care way too much about her, i guess i was wrong when i said my feelings for her were gone, i thought they were but i guess i was wrong. While i was grabbing my bike i knocked over some other bikes by being uncareful and some guys outside were starting to make problems about it. I'm usually never a troublemaker or big mouth or fight guy but this time, even though they were entirely right by making a comment on it, I snapped and i screamed "IS THERE A PROBLEM HUH?? WELL EITHER WE SETTLE IT RIGHT HERE AND NOW OR JUST STFU". They seemed startled and didn't say a thing anymore. I picked up one bike that had fallen that belonged to my friend. I left the others as they were. My state was way too emotional, that's when i realised this girl is poison to me. Next i went home and deleted her number from my phone. I'm gonna freeze her out completely, unless she talks to me i won't say anything. Emotionally I am a mess now, partly due to the fact that i had a serieus lack of sleep this week.I noticed from prior experience that lack of sleep makes me more emotional.

    She will no doubt hit on and dance with other guys in my presence in the future, it will probably be hard to ignore it and not let it affect me. But this is part of the training right? I will do my best. Fuck her, i'm through with it, i'm not a plower and i never will be. Now i feel like she has been gaming me, and perhaps she has, either intentionally or unintentionally but I have been played.
    Right now i have to get back to a positive mindset and pull myself together.
    Today i'm allowing myself to be miserable but by tomorrow i shall be awesome again.

    As a part of making me feel better i will write another field report about something that happened recently with a HB10 (for me she's really a 10, perfect face just perfection, and body is very hot too, maybe most guys would say it's a 9). She comes often to a bar i frequent so i see her regularly.
    First thing was a couple months ago when we suddenly had eye contact and i kept looking right into her eyes until she looked away, and i noticed while she was looking away that she smiled.
    IOI, right? But she had her bf with her so i didn't do anything with it.
    Two weeks ago, she was there again, and i remember talking to her, however i don't remember what i said because i was pretty drunk at that time. I also don't remember who opened who, though again i have a gut feeling she opened me cause i don't think i would have had the guts to game a 10 while her boyfriend is nearby. (even when drunk) I think i used a routine on her: "you're probably getting alot of attention from poeple especially men, and you like it, but inside you is an insecure girl just seeking validation but people don't see that in you" I'm not sure though, i have a gut feeling i used that cause that's what i would use sober too. Anyway her bf was there and i also realised i prolly was too drunk to properly game so i cut off the convo and went home not much later, at least i think so cause it's blurry.

    Then last week she was there again, again with her bf, and suddenly i saw she noticed me and tried to make eye contact and i held it untill a friend of mine who was standing with his back towards her blocked my eye sight to her and visa versa. That's when i realised my drunk talk to her seemed to have left a good impression despite the drunkeness. Afterwards i noticed she was suddenly standing very close to my friend group.. proximity alert!

    (It's funny how that works btw. She was in a group with 3-4 other people but subconsciously she managed to move the whole group close to my friend group in less than 10 minutes. That's fascinating to me. I feel like science has not even seen the tip of the iceberg on complex social behaviour like that)

    At one point she was only inches away from me, we were standing back to back, our backs and butts touched from time to time. I wanted to open her but her bf was with her the entire time, such a shame.

    I'm less confident talking to her next time though cause i don't know for sure what routine I used on her I probably should go straight to qualification/comfort or something, seeing i'm getting all these IOI's.

    This is today's field report, not a conventional one i know but i needed to tell my story somewhere. I now must recover from this and get detached from the SCHB girl. By not interacting with her anymore and by letting time pass it will become better. And you know what, it makes me more motivated to keep sarging, keep learning. I refuse to believe life is controlling me, i WILL control life. There once will come a day when i will have figured all of this shit out.

    Thanks

  7. #7
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    Heads up

    Ok tonight i decided i will go sarging solo again. I'm already posting something here in case I get house anxiety and wuss out. So I kind of will be forced to do it I'm back in a good emotional state now and this time i'm going for at least 10 sets.
    Field report follows.
    [QUOTE]For everyone who has will be given more, and he will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him.[/QUOTE]
    Matthew 25:29

  8. #8
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    Oct 2006
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    I'm making progress (nr close)

    Like i said i would go solo sarging today. I drank some alcohol to become loose, but less than last time. And next time i will drink less and less.
    Today was a very good day, i opened my 10 sets like i said i would. And unlike the other nights, almost all sets seemed to hook initially. It took me 2.5 hours to work through all those sets so that's an average of 15 minutes per set. Let's say 12 minutes cause i went to get a drink (coke or water) and went to the toilet a few times). Some sets took longer some shorter.
    I think i fixed a few mistakes from last time, this time i made sure i was loud enough, the times they could not hear me were less than previous time. I made sure i had solid eye contact with everyone in the group. I used to have eye contact, but only to my target previous times. I tried to smile when delivering my opener. Though i still need work on that, i did it a few times but less than half of the time i think.

    Again some sets were wondering where my friends were cause i stayed so long. I usually said "yeah they're over there" and then changed the subject or got into another routine. Most sets i was able to open and transition and run attraction routines without problems, but from most sets i didn't receive any IOI's. The first IOI's I received was from a 3 set, 2 guys 1 HB 8.5. She was pretty hot and pretty cool from what i could hear. I managed to run quite some attraction on her. Aside from the fact that she kept talking to me until that point i didn't see any other IOI's. I ran out of material and decided to try to qualify her anyway. (after transitioning i also disqualified, i'm sure i forgot a couple of times but i did it at least half of the time ).

    She responded to the low investment qualifier, but then some friend of her said something to her and they kept talking while i was standing there. Interrupting and continueing with my qualifier seemed socially awkward, just standing there felt socially awkward, interupting with an attraction routine felt awkward. Normally i would have said "Who's this, introduce me!" but we already had been introduced. So after that i excused myself and went into other sets.

    Most of the other sets are similar to the one i just described, the ones near the end were better than the first ones, the advice of warm up sets is golden. Never give up after 3 sets, it will get better and better.

    Another thing i did really good is to never lean in. Eye contact, not leaning in, those are the two body language things i'm doing really well in lately.

    Then i came to my last set, set nr 10. Three guys and two girls, one HB 7.5 and one HB 7, initially the 7.5 was my target. But after my opener which hooked really well (make up opener) and my transitioning (guessing which kind of students they are) i found out that the HB 7.5 was one of the guy's gf's. With the transitioning i thought that the HB 7 was a psychology student, but she was a law student. I still got some points because the blonde one was a psychology student. At that point i ran the best friend test. This one hooked rather well, at that point a third girl was in the group and she asked me if i did psychology. I said no andthat i was graduated and i went into my identity routine, that i make websites now and one day i'll have my own company. But i also said that i had an ex-gf who studied psychology.
    At that point the third girl who joined the group later said that the HB7.5withBoyFriend also did that. I said that i knew, cause HB 7 told me.

    There was some light touching with the HB 7 which i initiated and also the HB7 initiated it once as a reply to one of my jokes (don't really remember what i said)

    At one point one of her friends said they would go stand elsewhere. I said: "cool i'll join you guys." It was that or lose the set, there's probably better responses to use then but i didn't have anything ready in my mind so I had to improvise. She responded well and said: "yeah ok "

    Enough IOI's i decided and i started to qualify her. First small ones, regular convo, than bigger ones. She wasn't into sports anymore but used to do it, so i talked about me doing lots of sports a time ago but cause of studies it was less but i was know going to the gym etc etc. She mentioned she climbed sometimes. I related to that by saying that i went rock climbing once. I also did the big qualifier: what are your three best traits? She did her best to answer. In retrospect maybe i should have shown a little more interest at that time.

    I noticed her friends where about to go and i needed to get going as well cause it's getting late, i left at 2 am and now it's 2:47am(but i have work tomorrow) I said: ok i really need to go, give your number so we can continue this some time later. She gave it and i called it to see if i didn't make a typo (and now she has my number too ). I talked a little more because i didn't want to leave just after getting the number, but i also noticed they were about to leave. So after another minute or two of talking i said: "alright i really need to go now, nice talking to you" and went my way.

    On my way home i texted her: "Hi, this is your cellphone here, I just wanted to get out of your pocket cause i couldn't breathe anymore! - retoke". She replied about half an hour after i sent it, that is about 5-10 minutes ago from now (while i was writing this field report). She said "okeeey".

    I think i will treat her as a long fuse to start with, she might be medium but let's play it safe. I also got some callback humor in place when i ran the stripper routine.

    Conclusion: It was a nice sarge night, most sets initially hooked well, i fixed mistakes from last time, i did more sets. The sets lasted longer, and i got a number close. And while last time i often caught myself leaning in (which i fixed when i notieced but might have been to late at that point) this time i did not do it. I also think that if you are loud enough yourself and they hear you, you expect that you will hear others too and that they will make an effort to make themselves understandable so you will not lean in. IMO being loud yourself helps curing leaning in for sure, so being loud enough fixed two things

    Good night all!

    retoke out!
    [QUOTE]For everyone who has will be given more, and he will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him.[/QUOTE]
    Matthew 25:29

  9. #9

    Lose the routines and just keep talking man. I mean, if a guy needs routines, it works for him, by all means. It clearly isn't working for you. Just open sets and keep talking. Leave pauses for her to reiterate convo but, don't wait on her. Control the frame with your strong state. Don't search for her validation and approval. Moving on, look into your social circle. What kinda relationship topics are there there for you to converse with. Mystery's new book had Lovedrop talk about replacing asking her opinion and using "guys, on a scale of one to ten...." enter your info regarding relationships. Fuck, my buddy kiss/number closed a dozen girls one night. It was jokes. When asked, what did you say, he said all rubbish. He just kept talking and or teasing the girls but, in a playful demeanor. Just open sets dude but, bring some real passion. Honestly, checkout Jeremy/Soul & his classic writtings. Checkout his videos. Seriously, go direct. Don't have rubbish to spit at the girl with no real emotion and feeling. Be passionate. Know yourself. Portray your positive feats. Your friends like you? Obv your a good guy. I am sure you have some female friends. Portray these positive aspects, life experiences, dreams, aspirations but, build up to it. If you could encapsulate who you are in your approach, how would you do it? Opening can be as simple as Hi. It isn't important. Its just to get the ball running. Mystery uses magic, something that encapsulates him, his dream, his desire to be a performer, to be an entertainer. What are your desires? who are you? how can you portray yourself but you best self man? I love an adventure so, I portray bits and pieces. I've traveled a lot, I love social interaction, and I am well liked. Anything exciting and different then the last schmuck is solid stuff. I hope this helps broski. Cheers man!

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Gender:
    Location
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    Thx for the reply.
    I appreciate the advice and i'll explain why using no routines would be even worse for me.
    I do have a good amount of friends and i'm pretty sure they like me. I do have some female friends (but not many) and we're not nearly as close as my male friends. I know i'm a good guy and a fun guy if you know me but I can't convey that out of my own head, my mind goes blank if i don't have any routines.
    I agree, they aren't working like they should yet. Yet is the important word here. They already
    worked better than last time when i went sarging. I consider last night a success. (Yes, i suck
    that much ) And this is a learning process. I'm not trying to get any real results yet (though if
    they come I won't dismiss them ) I tried going without routines before. Not completely without, i still had a canned opener but mostly used situational stuff that i came up with on the spot. Most sets ran stale pretty quickly, like after 2-3 minutes or even faster. So i decided to use routines again at that point. For the first 10 mins of the conversation i use routines, opening, transitioning and attraction (on a sidenote: I do have some routines of my own already). However i don't fire them off like a machine gun, i mix in some normal convo too. I just love having a bunch of them in my head i can use when i go "shit i don't know what to say anymore" which happens quite often. I wish it was different but it isn't, else i probably wouldn't even be here

    I don't have any routines for qualification or comfort, that's where i slip in more of my "real"
    self. I do have some notes and guidelines on it ofcourse. In qualification and comfort i find it
    easier for me to keep talking and a few silence aren't a dealbreaker anymore unlike in the first 10
    minutes

    Another advantage of this is that i have them in my head, when i talk i don't need to think what to say so i can focus on body language, eye contact, voice tonality, pauzing etc.. I'm using these routines just to learn, to learn to approach, to get my body language right. To do many, many sets until things start clicking. Just talking helps if you're a natural, but i'm clearly not. The plan is that at some point i will lose them and will have routines of my own once i get reasonably good.
    Last edited by retoke; 02-25-2010 at 02:06 AM. Reason: formatting the text
    [QUOTE]For everyone who has will be given more, and he will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him.[/QUOTE]
    Matthew 25:29

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