Thread: GF broke up with me
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02-08-2010, 03:15 PM #1
I'm going on 28yrs old..player by nature..never been in many relationships. met the 'good girl'..tried to wife her out..never been with a girl with everything ive ever looked for..sounds gay but thats what got me in trouble.
GF broke up with me
together-6 weeks..no sex..she wanted to wait so i said ok..
well im used to girls coming on to me,,not playing hard to get like this girl..killed my confidence a little. got clingy at the end but not much..throughout 6 weeks we were getting along perfect, together almost every night..
i had to fly to dc on last thursday morning(feb 4)..got up at 4am,,flew back, home by 6..got home fell asleep although we were going to go to dinner..woke up at 10 to say sorry i fell asleep..im sure she understood cuz i woke up so damn early.
she says its ok...the next morning i was gonna help her move into her new house..she sounded very enthusiastic to see me in the am as she usually was..
i call her the next morning and she says shes unattracted to me and its over..i dont say much more then ok.i understand..click..
havnt called her since now tues(feb 8)
never been affected by a girl like this..feeling like shit..she got the best of me..never thought i'd ever say this but 'i want her back'
i deleted her off facebook. good move?
i know im gonna see her at the gym,, shes says hi shall i just say 'hey' and walk away?
also im afraid i wasnt aggressive enough to hook up with her..not very alpha to go along with the waiting bullshit.
thanks guys, like i said,sick of playing girls..really enjoyed a real relationship and want another crack at it.
02-08-2010, 03:26 PM #2
First, I never bother to delete people off of Facebook. Shows you're bitter and you never know who she might know.
Re: GF broke up with me
I've noticed it's when you try to change your method drastically that your game falls apart. You wouldn't try a crazy new hair style on a first date in case it botches, right? Same idea.
If you're getting good results just keep improving your method. I feel if you game plenty if girls alreay but focus on qualification you'll weed out the ones that aren't girlfriend-material and leave you with some good candidates.
02-08-2010, 03:53 PM #3
- Join Date
- Sep 2008
who cares if it shows you are bitter by cutting her off completely?
you are the most important person in your universe. as far as im concerned, this girl doesnt deserve to be in it.
the saying is really true. Out of SIGHT, out of MIND! get her out of your phone book, facebook, myspace, all that bullshit. thats the first step.
the next step is accepting the fact that you and her have no potential future nemore. that means dont believe you want her back. You probably want her back for the wrong reasons.
You might miss the GOOD times you had with her, but what about the bad ones? the shitty feelings you had?
People tend to want what they cant have. Her cutting you out may be making you naturally hunger for her more...get out of that mindset!
If/When you see her by accident, act COOL and CALM. dont make small talk, just pretend like she is some bum on the street. keep your manners straight, but dont spend more than 15 secs talking to her. its important that you demonstrate that you are living your life well without her. its important that you demonstrate that you dont need anybody but yourself at this time.
u've already gone a week without contacting her. (hope thats true). it gets easier as the days go by. just keep doing things that make you happy.
02-08-2010, 04:31 PM #4
thanks..whats f'ed up is honest to god..there was never an argument or a bad time..we did all kinds of things together, all kinds of events and activities..she was always laughing and smiling..played the game right at first,,got her all over me...never had a shitty moment..never a hint of a problem(although i was busy at work the last week im might not have noticed).still making long term plans that day before.
first girl i ever introduced to my parents..blah blah
anyways im not sure just because im getting older,or my job is killing my social life,,but i just dont feel like being single anymore..but transitioning from basically a college life for the last 10 years i think im gonna have a hard time transitioning into the relationship stuff.
the thing that botherd me about this girl..shes almost 32..im almost 28..i never asked her but always wonderd, why the hell she was still single..guess that shoulda been a red flag..because most quality girls around her get picked up early.
02-08-2010, 04:57 PM #5
You have an agenda.... you know. Looking for the nice girl, wanting a long relationship/wife thingy and that good. As my football coach always said, "begin with the end result in mind." The second most important thing he said was right after, "now you know what you want... figure out how to get there and drop that end result, focus on the day to day process." I dont think you problem was intensity, it was your form. IOW, you got clingy... you were prob the nice guy and she saw you, atleast at first, as a suiter. She then wants to hold out and test you to see if you are the kind of guy that will hang around for the long haul... But women are not attracted to that kind of guy, period.
I would have removed her promptly from my Facebook, and imo, thats the right thing to do... Your done, move on to the next. But learn from your mistakes. If you are not getting the results you want, you need to change the actions.
02-09-2010, 11:38 AM #6
little update..4 days still no call..havent tried to contact her..was going to make sure i cut off all contact..but she does personal training on the side at my gym,,the only time i can go..this is were i met her, and were i am a natural pua..
so i was gonna rearrange my schedule..then i thought -fuck that..she'll know im trying to avoid her..i feel thats weak,,and i cant be letting some girl change my life..so i decided im gonna hold my ground, and if i see her there ill act like she doesn't exist..(and of course talking to some of the girls)
well i only saw her for a brief moment..shes usually out in the middle of the floor, but made a quick entrance into another room..(as soon as i saw her i grabbed some weights) didn't see her for 45 minutes..could have been a coincidence though.
now why do my female friends say i need to chase her? that girls love to be chased and needed? now they know my story a little better and think she didn't get enough attention.(we had opposing work schedules during the week,still spent almost every day togather but sometimes just for a few hours)
so im gonna use this as an experiment to see if i can regain the attraction. but i doubt it, because she definitly knows whats shes doing, and i believe she's got some new 'friendships'.
edit: one more thing to mention..i broke up with a girl before and deleted her off facebook,but aparently you can still search my name and see my wall posts..she had called me on a post after we split..so i fiqured this girl might do the same..wrote something to the effect of ''never put someone on a pedistal,they're not as special as you now think, man up - get over it -meet new girls..
smart move? probly not
02-09-2010, 01:10 PM #7
- Join Date
- Oct 2009
There are 3 options here really:
- Feel pain, suck it up and move on. Meet other women.
- Don't move on and try to get back into the relationship.
- Convert emotions and try to be friends to create closure.
I wouldn't recommend the third option since it keeps you in the gray, friend and undecided (from her perspective) zone, especially if you this shortly after the breakup. Also, it's extremely bad for your emotional state since it will make it more arduous for you to move on emotionally and creating new anchors with new women, getting back your confidence etc. So unless you really feel comfortable keeping her as friends, which I doubt, you should stick to bullet A or C.
Most of your emotional reactions for wanting to get back with her or wanting to make the relationship work come from you being in the state of neediness or feeling you have lost something. This is natural and everyone will feel this way after a breakup if indeed you did appreciate the girl. I could elaborate on this, but let's keep it simple. Anything you want to do at this point, is based on a needy/hurt emotional state and anything you do towards getting her back whilst you are in that particular state, will only distance you further from her and in fact, all women.
If you indeed do want her back you can only come back to her at one point with a strong (real) emotional state where your confidence is back and you don't feel you need her. This statement is true for meeting any new women. Therefore, choice A and B are only really one choice, and that's A.
You could also use the same tactics and reconnect later on with your lost chick to be friends with (choice C). However, you will still have to go through the emotional recuperation and growth period to have a chance at all her hot friends.
To reiterate, the paths that lead to A, B and C are the one and the same.
That's my mathematical side.
Just do things you like to you, and keep massively busy in order to keep your mind off of her. Slowly but surely, yes pain is part of this and learn to feel it well, it makes you grow.
-If you see her, don't ignore her, but be out quickly. False time constraints work wonders.
-Don't listen to her friends. They are not offering good advice. Since when are you accepting advice from her friends? Don't. Please...
-Don't worry about Facebook. If you needed to erase, erase and assume. It's just a bunch of pics and blah's on a computer server cloud. Just don't virtually refriend her though, as this will hurt your progress in the real world.
02-09-2010, 01:27 PM #8
- Join Date
- Dec 2007
Six weeks together and no sex, that's a red flag. You saw her everyday? It sounds to me you were more just friends than lovers, so it's not surprising that she broke up. Good thing is she pointed out exactly what was the matter, she's not attracted to you. The mistake here is that you moved to 'comfort' way too quickly, you hadn't built enough 'attraction' yet. Usually in this situation guys get LJBF-ed though, but the difference might be in her being 32 years old and looking for a relationship.
Btw, forget about this girl, you need a MAJOR change before she will reconsider you. Focus on improving yourself and get better at girls in general.
02-09-2010, 01:28 PM #9
the trouble is i know were i fucked up.. she doesnt look at me like a man because i didnt push for sex(although thats what i thought she wanted) i really dont think theres any rectifying that..so im thinking of sending her a message, i know were i messed up and why you lost interest..moving on have a nice life..
or should i just let it be and let her think i was a massive pussy without knowing it?
02-09-2010, 01:32 PM #10
- Join Date
- Dec 2007
EDIT: Read my post above yours, I posted just a few seconds before you.
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