Question on LDR and becoming Distant....
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  1. Question on LDR and becoming Distant....

    So my question is what would be the best way to act when a girl you are in an LDR with is starting to act distant?

    Lately, she has been calling me and texting me less and just seems to not care as much. In her defense, she did just get a new job, does play a college sport, and has mentioned to me before that she feels like she doesn't have time for anything anymore.

    After this weekend though, something seems up. She called me Friday night after she got off work. We talked for a little bit until she got home and asked if she could text me later because she wanted to get ready to go out with her friends. I was fine with that, but she never text or called me at all that night. I decided to wait and see if she contacted me Sat. to explain. Never did. Finally today she texted me with a simple "Hey, whats up!?" I didn't respond and got another text from her later tonight asking why I ignored her text earlier?

    I responded with: "I did not respond because I am not happy at the moment. I have some things I would like to talk about. Give me a call me when you get off work."

    She never called or texted me back.

    What should I do now? Freeze her out and wait for her to contact me? Give her a ring tomorrow and try to sort it out?

    We are dating, so part of me feels like its ok to straight up ask her whats up, while the other part feels like I should go the "I don't care" route and act all nonchellant about it. I am also supposed to go see her this weekend.

    Any advice?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Silicon Valley

    The most important thing you have in an LDR is communication. Since you're far away and can't communicate face-to-face, verbal communication is key. Texting/calling misunderstandings happen all the time. If someone misses a call, they could just be busy, but you start getting all kinds of ideas in your head and freak out.

    NEVER freeze out an LDR or ignore messages on purpose. There's already plenty of distance there, and if you create more, it'll destroy the relationship. You should have responded to her "what's up" without jumping to conclusions and then asked her about her night. There are a million reasons why she may not have texted you that don't include other guys boning her or whatever else you may be thinking.

    If she doesn't text you now, give her a call. Try to avoid jumping to conclusions. Usually when a girl says "I'll call you back", she'll call back about 50% of the time. Most other times she won't, or will contact you later. I don't know why it works that way, but it's nothing to be worried about as long as you still have a regular conversation after and she's not acting weird for long periods of time.

    My 2 cents,


  3. Wow, freaky. I swear I could have written your post OP. So many details match up. In my case, she had started dating her ex again, and it showed through her actions. I sensed a definite and sudden change in her behavior. In response I cancelled our very near first meeting. She panicked, froze me out, and from what I've heard, is now officially back together with her ex. Not saying this is the case for you, and I'm not trying to scare you, but the possibility is there.

    You did come off as insecure and accusatory with your text, and now she's probably scared to talk to you. I prefer to keep communication of that seriousness to in person, on the phone, or at the least over IM. With texts, she can easily delay getting back to you, and the wait will kill you.

    So now... damage control. I suppose you should wait for her to contact you, and you can either be honest with her, or play it off like it was directed at some other problem in your life you wanted her input on. I'd recommend being honest with her, but do so in a non-accusatory way. It was a moment of weakness, we all have them. Move off the subject quickly to something more positive. Remain indifferent to her increased distance for the remainder of the week, and be nothing but positive when you do speak to her. You'll be able to better feel things out when you see her in person this weekend.

  4. Haha one person telling me to call her, the other telling me to wait. Either way, I appreciate the advice.

    Some more details/things I have been thinking about.

    She came down to see me two weeks ago. The whole week leading up to it she was very excited to see me, kept telling me she missed me, etc. We had a great time when she was here, we had great sex, and she kept saying she didn't want to leave. She texted me the next day and told me she had a great time.

    The weekend after that she got upset when she heard that I was talking to a previous ex of mine. I wasn't at all, and it was a big misunderstanding, but she got pretty upset and tried to freeze me out over the weekend. Because she was acting childish about the whole thing and refused to talk about it calmly I just chilled for the weekend and she finally called me on Sunday to apologize. When I asked if she would like to talk about it she said no and that she realized it was stupid and was "over it".

    Just thought I would throw that in there.


  5. she got pretty upset and tried to freeze me out over the weekend
    Personally. I am done with chicks like that.

    Doing this is childish, immature, shows a lack of communication and conflict solving, and absolutely unnecessary.

    Not only did she do that. But over a misunderstanding. And shut out communication over 3 days for it? :-/

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