Thread: Moving on your long-term friend
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05-05-2006, 08:01 PM #1
- Join Date
- May 2006
Hi guys.. here's my problem. PLEASE HELP!
Moving on your long-term friend
I'm not heavily into the game, and recently I've come down with some serious one-itis for a girl who also happens to be my best friend and housemate. We've had increasing levels of kino recently, so the other night I thought why not go for it, and kissed her... She kissed me back, but is now confused and says she doesn't know whether she likes me that way or not, and is terrified of losing the friendship we've had for over 3 years. She's obviously conflicted, and looking for reasons not to, so here's my plea:
How do I convince her that it's worth the risk?
Any opinions will be greatly appreciated!!! Thanks!
05-05-2006, 11:52 PM #2Tiki Guest
Give her a little bit of space. Then try again. She kissed you back, this means the feelings are there. She is having conflicting feelings because she isn't sure if what she is doing is wrong. It's going to be a slow process, so make sure it is something that you really really want.
I have had a similar experience. The person I am currently dating is someone I have been friends with for years. When we started seeing each other in a different way (I think I started seeing him differently way before he did, but I digress...) things slowly escalated. The first time we kissed, I freaked out because I felt like I was doing something wrong. He gave me some space for awhile, and we talked about it... and I am very very glad I decided to give it a try.
05-05-2006, 11:57 PM #3Tiki GuestOriginally Posted by IronFree
Spend some time out. Get more in to the game. Date other people.
After you've done this, and you still want to progress in to a relationship, take my advice above.
05-06-2006, 01:15 AM #4TAF Hall Of Fame Lounge Member
- Join Date
- Dec 2005
- San Diego, CA
You acknowledge one-itis and yet you ask us to help you get further into it?
Let's clear something up first. Desire for a specific woman is not one-itis. Continuous desire for a specific woman who does not return your affection, but continues to lead you on is one-itis.
This girl is not only returning your affection, but has said she doesn't want to lead you on. She's not one-itis. Yet. She will be if you pursue this and she doesn't reciprocate.
I realize that a nice girl, who is always nearby, seems like a good idea for a hookup. You already sleep at the same house. You're already comfortable with each other. Seems great right?......Wrong.
You are only interested in her because she doesn't require any effort. At least very little effort compared to going out and meeting a new woman and bringing her home. The truth is, you are lonely. She is probably lonely too. You trust each other, so you turn to one another to ease the loneliness.
Don't do it. Be thankful she has the foresight to realize what a bad idea this is. Is she everything you've ever wanted in a girl? If so, why has it taken so long for you to figure it out? If she's not everything you want, then why do you think it's worth it? You can't convince her that it's worth it, because it's not. You'll ruin a friendship, a living situation, and a great pivot opportunity.
Talk to her about it. But decide right now that you won't pursue anything. Don't get drunk with her alone. Agree that you two will go out and meet other people. She knows you really well, she'll be able to tell you all the little things you do that will scare away a good woman. You can do the same for her. You can open sets for each other. You can wing each other. But you can't sleep together.
Once again, a reminder to help you keep your sanity.
If she is your dream girl, you would have been together much sooner.
Your mind is playing tricks on you, to save itself from the hassle of meeting new people. You are attempting to avoid the stress of learning to be good with women.
Don't shit where you eat.Love,
"In matters of the heart, it's the heart that matters."
05-06-2006, 09:53 PM #5
There are some good points from rain however, for the first time I have to write a counter post, balance is needed. There's three sides to every story.
We only have your words to go by. We can only attempt to understand what's going on by your testimony. If you really aren't just being lazy & targeting a sitting fuck then read on.
Some of the most successful relationships contain people that were dear friends first. I've seen colleagues & best friends get together when it should have been an incestuous clusterfuck, many of these relationships became VERY secure & very successful. Yes give her space & communicate how you feel. Explain that you know it must be strange for her. This is what she's going through; She's wondering if you've harbouring these feelings for her the whole time & was this why you forged a friendship with her at all? Why now? This feels odd? She's shocked by this development, she wasn't prepared for it. Tell her that no matter what you'll always be there for her as a friend, yet you think it's vital that she knows how you feel about her & if she's not okay with it, you're prepared to move out so that it's not weird for her. You like her, so go out, start seeing her the way lovers see each other, date her, you're aready smashing apart the LJBF idea so no worries about that.
Consider Rain's words, does this apply? How do you really feel? Which feels true for you? Sod what your head thinks, how do you feel about it?
Thoughts are the feelings of the mind, feelings are the thoughts of the soul.[CENTER][FONT="Palatino Linotype"][SIZE="3"][COLOR="Black"]H[/COLOR][COLOR="Red"]a[/COLOR][COLOR="DarkRed"]r[/COLOR][COLOR="Purple"][COLOR="Navy"]l[/COLOR]e[/COLOR][COLOR="Black"]q[/COLOR][COLOR="DarkOrange"]u[/COLOR][COLOR="SeaGreen"]i[/COLOR][COLOR="Black"]n[/COLOR]: Weapon of mass seduction[/SIZE] [/FONT][/CENTER]
[CENTER][FONT="Palatino Linotype"][SIZE="3"]When you refuse to accept what you cannot change: this is trauma.
When you decide to change what you cannot accept: this is r[B]evolution[/B].[/CENTER]
05-08-2006, 01:45 AM #6
- Join Date
- May 2006
I appreciate the help, guys. Harlequin, you're a champ. That was exactly what I needed to hear.