Guy or Girl:Who should ask for the exclusivity?
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  1. Guy or Girl:Who should ask for the exclusivity?

    So I've been dating this girl now for about 6 months which is the longest time I've dated a girl for. I've gotten a lot of experience about starting relationships but keeping them is something I'm kind of new to. She has never asked for exclusivity and I haven't either. I guess I've just been waiting for her to be the one to ask. I'm presently dating another girl who she doesnt know about... and I don't know for sure but I have a feeling she's dating other guys, however she's very attracted to me. Unlike all the other FB's i've had Ive actually tried building a relationship with this girl however we've been pretty casual , we've done all sorts of fun dates in fact we went to a concert last weekend with tickets she got from work.

    I was talking to my sister the other day and she told me how her boyfriend of 2 years tried twice to make her his gf. but it just feels weird to ask a girl to be my "girlfriend" as if I want a label on our relationship..

    Savoy says that a girl will usually demand exclusivity however this has not been the case and I havent asked either. It's not that I Want her to be my gf nessasarily but I would just like some of your opinions as to what the thing is to do in a relationship like this
    what do guys think? I mean i've been dating this girl for 6 months now and the relationship is at the same casual dating level it started off on which I'm not complaining about but i'd just like some insight ,thanks

  2. If you want your relationship to be exclusive then tell her just that. If you have been with her for 6 months you guys should be close enough that you can talk about something like this without any weirdness.

    If you feel like asking her to be your girlfriend sounds childish or something just tell her that you've done some thinking and you really like her a lot and would rather date her exclusively then date her and other girls.

    As far as what Savoy says, every girl is different. Some girls will have to have things the way they want them and some girls will want to be led. It all depends on their past experiences. I wouldn't feel bad about her not asking for an exclusive relationship yet because she could be waiting on you to make your move.

  3. #3

    As Philippe said, six months is a long time. You should be able to talk to her about this by now. I won't repeat everything he said but basically Philippe's advice is very good.

    My only concern... are you sure she doesn't already think it is exclusive? I know if I'd been dating someone for six months, unless we had explicitly agreed "let's see other people, this is not an exclusive relationship", I would assume it already to BE an exclusive relationship. Girls do this. We generally see exclusivity as the norm after a certain period of dating.

  4. #4

    I think after a while it just becomes an unspoken agreement

  5. #5

    Yes, unless it is discussed otherwise or your actions/her actions have led you to believe that you are NOT headed to a monogamous relationship then she may (and probably does just assume it). But maybe you guys just go out and get drunk at bars together. No way for us to know unless you give more details mate. How old are you? Does she have a history of being a party girl?

    But if you don't necessarily want her to be your girlfriend then who cares? I'm confused.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    In the Minds of Others

    I think your main issue here is that you desire her to not want to be with any other guys.

    And though many people might consider it an "unspoken agreement", you, as an affluent member of the pick-up community, shun social programming of these kinds.

    It is entirely possible she feels this is exclusive relationship. But you seem to think that she doesn't, and you know much better than us.

    The real rule is: there is no rule. Unless she says something about it then you aren't doing anything wrong by dating other girls.

    Until you say something about it you can't in good conscience say anything about her dating other guys.

    How receptive has she been to the relationship you've been "building"?

    I suggest you just bring it up in one way or another......

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Silicon Valley

    Quote Originally Posted by sampanye View Post
    My only concern... are you sure she doesn't already think it is exclusive? I know if I'd been dating someone for six months, unless we had explicitly agreed "let's see other people, this is not an exclusive relationship", I would assume it already to BE an exclusive relationship. Girls do this. We generally see exclusivity as the norm after a certain period of dating.
    This isn't necessarily true. I've been meeting a lot of girls recently who are bored of relationships and just like casual dating...however long that continues. I don't know if it's some weird trend these days, but don't assume it's exclusive unless you talk about it. Just bring it up casually next time you're chilling together.


  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jul 2008

    haha this is funny. I'm sorry but you have been dating that long and haven't onced talk about it.

    Here are questions I have for you....Does she talk about other guys around you? Talk about her dates she's been on?

    Her choosing you in th concert is a good sign your the first guy in her life. The tricky part is finding out if you are the guy she wants to be tied down to. Girls get freaked out by the term "Girlfriend, Boyfriend" It sucks.

    I remembered I asked my current girlfriend when we weren't exclusive. I asked her, Are you dating anyone one else besides me? She said I don't see no reason to. That's how I knew she wanted to be together. So I told her me neither. Then I told her well it seems your all mines. She said Yes and your all mines.

    So it's kinda of an agreement, but in a different way.

  9. I wish I could help you with that, but every single girl that have been my gf (for long or short period of times) have been the one to ask me about 'exclusivity'.

    I think it probably starts once you say 'I love you'. But if it occures before that, it's usually the girl telling me stuff like saying teasingly 'you cant have it because it's not "yours"' or 'have you been seeing anyone else lately?' or 'it kinda made me jealous to see her hit on you ' anything along those lines. Anything that has an underlying meaning of 'i want you to be mine, and only mine'.

    Basically questions or statement, implying exclusivity, without saying it i guess?

    It's not about what you tell the girl, it's about what you mean and what you want her to feel.

  10. Thanks for the replies.

    She occasionally mentions other guy friends but she never talks about dates she's been on, and if she did that wouldnt fly with me.
    She never really says anything to imply exclusivity, but occasionally she gets a little possesive over me for instance she sent me a text the other day " hows my Sexyman doing"

    I try not to mention other girls in front of her anyways. but i think next time ill ask her if shes dating other guys. if she says yes than fine i wont even bring up or consider the exclusive thing, if she says no then maybe

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