Ugh, Sex fail, trying to recover value?
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- 06-14-2010, 06:17 PM #1
Me and my girl just *tried* had to have sex today.
Ugh, Sex fail, trying to recover value?
Didn't go so well, see I have this tendency to psyche myself out of sex if I'm nervous or trying to hard. It's been like that with every LTR girl I've slept with. Anyhow, back to the story: We were in my bedroom admiring the "manliness" of the room (just did a drastic remake of my room to make it more of my "den", so to speak) and things got a bit hot. After a little foreplay (not much though, kinda disappointed about that) I tore of her pants and tried to get myself excited enough to penetrate her (the fact that I wasn't hard already beginning to concern me..) I ended up barely able to get it in, and after about ten seconds I just decided to call it quits. I wasn't getting anywhere.
Now me and this girl have a crazy emotional background. I dated her way back when I was a serious AFC, but I did well enough for myself to last six months. Anyhow, the emotions stuck, even after we broke up, and we became best friends, with sexual tension up the wazoo. This went on for about two years.
This summer, I found her in my arms one night telling me how much she loved me, how she had watched me grow from a over-emotional little boy to the man that I am today... It was a cute thing to see.
So back to today. Sex? Fail. I think I kinda pushed myself to a pressure point, I've been reading the Sex God Method for weeks now and thought I was read to dominate, in fact, less than three weeks ago I was making another girl scream so loud I almost got caught by mommy and daddy! I know what I did wrong, what I don't know is how to recover...
I think I made it a bigger deal than I should have. She's only been with one guy besides me, and he never had the "psyche" problem that I pulled. She's also very sexual, and I've always been very confident in my sexuality, so I know she expected to be blown away. Fuck. I explained a bit about nerves and tried to make it sound nonchalant but I failed miserably and I know her "insecurity" radar was bleeping like mad. Talked to one of my friends about it and he said it was natural, and that "when I have days like that I'm just in a damn rut for the rest of the day!" <-- I know how you feel bro. If she knew that guys experienced that problem I might feel a bit better, but I don't.
God, my ego is trashed.
So I need to know how to recover. I'm looking for some suggestions for text messages when I talk to her tomorrow or when she texts me, a Facebook status that boosts my value and shrugs off my failure as trivial (while being discreet, I have family on FB) or hell, a comment of encouragement from someone. I know that this happens often but I'm going for the "sexual addiction" that Dan Rose talks about in SGM, and I'm not off to a good start. Girls who are happy sexually are better in a relationship, and I want to be happy with this damn girl, but first impression really feel through for me.
I should mention that I normally don't have an erectile dysfunction unless I'm tensed out of my mind. This has happened once before, but with a more understanding girl (who later because the girl mentioned in the above paragraph who was the screamer. )
- 06-14-2010, 07:24 PM #2
I Was in a similar situation just a few weeks ago. The best thing you can do is make sure not to take these small sexual "failures" to seriously. Sure it sucks having a naked girl in front of you and not being able to penetrate her, but you need to learn to get past that and not treat it like its going to seriously damage the way you have sex for the rest of your life, because it wont. The next time your in the same situation with her, try not to focus on maintaining an erection; instead, concentrate on her breathing and how much pleasure your giving her during foreplay. Rid your mind of all panicky thoughts and focus purely on the emotions that are going on between you two. If you start thinking about your erection and how you need to get it up, guess what, it will not go up; this is a simple example of Murphy's law at work here. So don't get hung up on getting an erection and start concentrating on every thing else. You should be back to normal soon, also, stop watching porn completely if you've been watching it lately. Porn makes you focus on the physical aspects of sex rather than the emotional, so that might also be a factor here.
After this happened to me, I used a really good text message that put things back in my corner. Make sure you make a joke out of what happened and not take the situation to seriously.
This text message worked wonders for me(I tweaked it slightly btw), so I hope it does the same to you.
Me: I just took a pregnancy test, the results came up positive!!
Her: Omg, I thought we used protection (or something like that if she plays along)
Me: I totally forgot to take my birth control pills! Why didn't you use a condom? I trusted you
This will work, trust me. Not only does it set up a small role play, but your also flipping the script on her which girls always respond to positively.
I hope this helped
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