How do I get my wife to try new things? bi and lesbian women please read

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    How do I get my wife to try new things? bi and lesbian women please read

    Hello everyone, my name is Rome. I am 28 and am currently living in Japan. I am in the Navy and have been in for 8 years now. I am looking for some advice. My wife is really turned on by watching lesbians. I mean, it drives her crazy and she will do more than what she normally would do if we were to just watch normal porn. She likes to compliment other females on how they look. Now with that out of the way, I think that she would really enjoy trying to hook-up with another woman. She says she can't see herself doing it. Does anyone think that she would want to try it? I think she would like to try but is scared and thinks that it isn't right. I am all for it, even if I am not allowed to touch at all. I want her to open up and be more willing to try new things, but this is something that I need some advice on. Anybody out there have any ideas that won't make me look bad or her get upset with me? I hope to hear from all of you with some ideas.



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    Hi Rome. I'm not a chick but I might have an idea for you. Having spent some time in Jpn I can relate to the unwillingness to be bold and try new things.

    Do you think it would be too forward to bring a bi/lez home in order to introduce your wife? All that would be obligated is the meeting. It could be a pleasant chat over dinner (with potential for desert). The excuse/reason you could provide to your wife is that this lady told you bla bla bla, and you would like to try to advise her WITH your wife (thus her involvement is required). From there you (having formed an alliance with the guest before hand), could suggest/ask your wife if you three could try it (well we're already here, etc), and if she (your wife), doesn't like it, "we could just stop".

    maybe something like that?

    incidentally is your wife more opposed to the doing aspect or the receiving aspect?

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    Quote Originally Posted by jwebb1 View Post
    Hello everyone, my name is Rome. I am 28 and am currently living in Japan. I am in the Navy and have been in for 8 years now. I am looking for some advice. My wife is really turned on by watching lesbians. I mean, it drives her crazy and she will do more than what she normally would do if we were to just watch normal porn. She likes to compliment other females on how they look. Now with that out of the way, I think that she would really enjoy trying to hook-up with another woman. She says she can't see herself doing it. Does anyone think that she would want to try it? I think she would like to try but is scared and thinks that it isn't right. I am all for it, even if I am not allowed to touch at all. I want her to open up and be more willing to try new things, but this is something that I need some advice on. Anybody out there have any ideas that won't make me look bad or her get upset with me? I hope to hear from all of you with some ideas.
    Does she trust you?

    Read my post on Dominance, even though it will not give you direct answer, it will give you some ideas.

    I think the biggest reasons why women do not follow up on their sexual urges with their boyfriends/husbands is the lack of trust. The kind of trust that you will not judge her and you will not expose her in negative way.

    She wants to remain "good wife" in your eyes after everything she's done with/to you in bed.

    You have to lead her into a threesome, however, allow her to choose. Talking about it with her and engaging her logical thinking is NOT the right way to do it. Especially that she convinced herself why she does not see herself doing it. If you want this to happen, you have to think of all the logistics. Everything must be in the right place at the right time at the right mood, too.

    Taking one step at the time, for example encouraging her to talk to other girls at the bar, or kiss other girls. You live in Japan, i am sure culture has certain influence on bar scene, I would not know. In US and Ukraine it's not hard to get your girlfriend to kiss other girls. They usually want to show off. The next step would be dancing with girls, maybe a threeway kiss. You might not get threesome first night in, or second, or even third, but slowly she'll get comfortable with taking the next step.

    Your personal views on promiscuity and unorthodox sexual behavior will greatly impact her desire to do things. If you think that being a lesbian is wrong, she will not want to show her tendencies to other women. If you embrace it as openness and expression of her sexuality, then she will want to do more of it.

    Your style of the game could be different from mine, however, from my experience, getting a woman emotionally excited about something has always worked for me. You cannot logically convince them of these things. She has to feel like she wants to do it.
    The ghost of pua's past.

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    Thanks for the advice there. Here will be my next question. You said that you have spent some time in Japan before right? Well, I haven't really met any ladies that are bi/ lez here. If they are, they hide it really well. I would be open to trying to bring home one if I could find one, but then I would have to find some reason to be bringing another woman to the house. She doesn't really like the idea of me hanging out with women to much I think, which I can't blame her you know. If it could actually happen, I am not sure if I would know how to bring up the subject you know? I would really be down for it, but I am sure that by the time it was all over with, good or bad, my wife would accuse me of setting it all up from the beginning, which would be true!!! LOL I think that she would be more to the receiving since she has said that she couldn't ever see herself going down on another woman.



    Quote Originally Posted by RobbertGoodworth View Post
    Hi Rome. I'm not a chick but I might have an idea for you. Having spent some time in Jpn I can relate to the unwillingness to be bold and try new things.

    Do you think it would be too forward to bring a bi/lez home in order to introduce your wife? All that would be obligated is the meeting. It could be a pleasant chat over dinner (with potential for desert). The excuse/reason you could provide to your wife is that this lady told you bla bla bla, and you would like to try to advise her WITH your wife (thus her involvement is required). From there you (having formed an alliance with the guest before hand), could suggest/ask your wife if you three could try it (well we're already here, etc), and if she (your wife), doesn't like it, "we could just stop".

    maybe something like that?

    incidentally is your wife more opposed to the doing aspect or the receiving aspect?

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    Lack of trust? I wouldn't judge her for doing something like that at all in a negative way, not would I expose her. I think that it would help out with our marriage if anything. There would be more things for us to do and she would be more open for other ideas as well. Like I said before, she is really just a traditional woman when it comes to playing in the sheets. She really doesn't do much as far as it comes to having much fun. The plain stuff is what she likes. When you say that everything has to be in place, you mean that I would have to find a way for her to be with another female who would be the one who would initiate it, at the same time, or where the other female would be willing to let her talk about things first? I am not sure about her kissing another woman. She isn't like that at all. If she was to remotely do anything like this, the other woman would most def have to start everything. I don't think that being bi is wrong, that is why I am trying to have her try it. Now, I would have a bit of a probelm is she was going to leave me is she liked it more, but who would be happy with that? Do you have any ideas past these so far on how she might actually not want to resist doing it? I hope that there would be a time that she will actually try this. Do you think that it would be a bad idea for me to just be there if she was to try it the first time just to watch? Thank you for replying.


    Quote Originally Posted by TrueStory View Post
    Does she trust you?

    Read my post on Dominance, even though it will not give you direct answer, it will give you some ideas.

    I think the biggest reasons why women do not follow up on their sexual urges with their boyfriends/husbands is the lack of trust. The kind of trust that you will not judge her and you will not expose her in negative way.

    She wants to remain "good wife" in your eyes after everything she's done with/to you in bed.

    You have to lead her into a threesome, however, allow her to choose. Talking about it with her and engaging her logical thinking is NOT the right way to do it. Especially that she convinced herself why she does not see herself doing it. If you want this to happen, you have to think of all the logistics. Everything must be in the right place at the right time at the right mood, too.

    Taking one step at the time, for example encouraging her to talk to other girls at the bar, or kiss other girls. You live in Japan, i am sure culture has certain influence on bar scene, I would not know. In US and Ukraine it's not hard to get your girlfriend to kiss other girls. They usually want to show off. The next step would be dancing with girls, maybe a threeway kiss. You might not get threesome first night in, or second, or even third, but slowly she'll get comfortable with taking the next step.

    Your personal views on promiscuity and unorthodox sexual behavior will greatly impact her desire to do things. If you think that being a lesbian is wrong, she will not want to show her tendencies to other women. If you embrace it as openness and expression of her sexuality, then she will want to do more of it.

    Your style of the game could be different from mine, however, from my experience, getting a woman emotionally excited about something has always worked for me. You cannot logically convince them of these things. She has to feel like she wants to do it.

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    hmm.. its a really tricky situation. I mean, if it explodes you can hardly say "but I did it for you!" because she is stating that she is unwilling to try it. and I understand that you feel that that sucks because you think she would enjoy it. in addition to that, you would enjoy it too, so it's really unfortunate that her unwillingness to try is holding both her enjoyment and yours, back...

    in shibuya, roppongi, shinjuku, and maybe ginza/shimbashi there are a few lez/bi bars from which you could source a chick. roppongi would probably be best because there youd find the ones most accepting/in want of an experience with a foreigner. you'd have to plan/set it all up with the lez. are you confident that you could do that?

    previously I asked about bringing a lez home with you for dinner to chat with you and your wife about the lez's gay interests/problems and you've indicated that that would be muzukashii. well what if you tonned it down to a weekend lunch at your place or to meet at a cafe? you'd need to explain prior to the meet that the intention is to help the girl. upon meeting, you would have the lez try to arouse your wife/convince her to give it a try with her (her being the lez), thus the lez would need to attract/comfort/arouse your wife.

    thats the least offensive approach I can think of...

    those 3 hurdles:
    1. finding a willing/convincing lez
    2. convincing your wife to meet her
    3. having the lez convince her

    may appear difficult, but consider that upon getting over all three, not only will you have your 3some but the next time is likely to be very easy to organise. you and your wife might even go lez shopping

    in my exp in jpn I found that social proof had limitless power. if you can convince her that the adventure would not be bizarre, largely through proving that other people do it, she will feel less insecure. its far more common in france, etc, but i guarantee you that the most convincing case will be of one involving a person in as similar a position as possible to your dearly beloved. dont attack the issue with a purely logical argument. throw in comments to inform her that you understand how she feels. be as direct as you can about that. but through logic provide a clear case detailing social proof. Incidentally, hearing it from you is likely to evoke her sense of your ulterior motive, thus your lez assistant is your ideal messenger - thereby you cannot be held responsible.

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    I think your attitude and approach are a little bit off.

    the logistical part of threesome can be arranged, it's not even relevant, how. But what IS relevant is how you going to take charge of it. She must pick, and I am not talking about her directly saying "let's have a threesome with that girl". Not at all. She will show subtle cues, maybe an indirect compliment about a girl, or how she carries herself. Every girl is different.

    Don't take advice from the guys that have never been in a threesome before. Even ones that have, there is element of luck.

    On other hand, if this was in United States, I would have told you how to do it. Since you're in Japan, I am giving the culture benefit of a doubt.
    The ghost of pua's past.

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    Truestory, having just read your post on dominance, your suggestion above makes a lot more sense.

    At the same time, as you have allowed for, the cultural climate is influencing the situation. Not complying with the norm is much larger a taboo in Japan than anywhere I've been in the world. It might be possible to form the 3some just through they strength/nature of their relationship, but for cultural reasons its not going to be easy.

    Rome, what if you go to a lez bar with her "just for fun/just for a night out/just for some people watching" ?

    It is one step closer to the goal and you two might meet someone... <3

    you really must read what Truestory has written on dominance though.

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