Need some advice...was totally played and now am depressed

Discuss Need some advice...was totally played and now am depressed at the Relationships within the The Attraction Forums. Dating Advice.; Hello buddy, I am in exactly the same situation as you are.I was never needy ...

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  1. #11
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    Hello buddy,
    I am in exactly the same situation as you are.I was never needy and treated my gf with respect and never raised my voice at her because I believe two wrongs don't make a right and always was calm when she was fuming with anger.I found out she cheated on me last summer and I took her back and I was the one that got dumped eventually last 2 weeks and she moved out.I have deleted all forms of contacts with her(msn,facebook,pictures) and so on.I just do things that I like and try to keep myself busy and what even makes my situation worse than yours is that we work in the same place and I can't quit the job because of the on-going recession.I am slowly getting better but imagine having to see your ex everyday that treated you like shit in the end.Take heart buddy.Girls like this are definitely going to hit rock buttom and at least they won't have us to drag along with them.They are not worth it and all I am going to work on from now is just having "fuck buddies".I'm hurting too much and will run for my life if a girl ever wants to get in a RELA"SHUN" SHIP with me...fuck it.

    bLingbuLL003



  2. #12
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    hey man, i know how you feel. Getting ur heart broken sucks but trust me, it'll make u so much stronger in the end. MAKE SURE u LEARN from this experience and never let a woman manipulate you again. She took you for granted, used you for her own emotional support, and then kicked you to the curb. You will probably get hurt many more times but just make sure u learn something and improve urself from each experience. One day, it'll all pay off and you will end up findind that dime that doesnt play all these silly games that most women play now days.

  3. #13
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    Dudes, you got to stop blaming the chicks and have to remember that attraction isn't a choice. Most girls don't manipulate dudes unless they stop feeling attraction. And it's usually something in your behavior that causes this loss of attraction. They don't lose attraction in an instant like you think and then "selfishly" cheat.

    Most of the time it can take weeks or months but their interest usually goes away slowly unless you killed their family off and cheated on them but even then it doesn't just instantly disappear. I bet being needy and insecure can kill attraction faster than cheating. Right now you are in pain and trying to find something or someone to blame but it's never that simple. If a woman has high interest in you and the relationship isn't predictable and boring she'll probably never leave you, let alone cheat.

    A breakup begins when the sex stops and finally ends when communication ceases. So just remember the last time you had sex with your girlfriend and when she left you. It's usually a good predictor to see when she actually broke up with you in her head.

  4. #14
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    She wants to be mean to him because she feels guilty and doesn't know how to deal with what she did.

    I think when someone refuses to take the blame, they're usually the guilty ones, they just have too much pride to admit it.

    It doesn't take that much time apart to lose attraction, or find a substitute or a temporary replacement. Give it 2-3 weeks in a place where the options are many and the women are friendly, you're bound to crack and at least come close to something happening.

    When a breakup begins and ends isn't as simple as just being about sex and communication, because it's never the same thing. Cheating doesn't always end a relationship or a marriage. Some people separate and don't divorce. Someone told me that's the way it is in some cultures. Lack of communication, I've known people who stay married that don't talk to each other, sometimes living in different states for months at a time.

    A girl like this isn't going to go away, and if she goes back to visit, if he has a new relationship going on, she's going to be the type to sabotage it, because she comes across as self-centered and knowing she can have him whenever she wants. Right now, the distance makes it impossible. She'll apologize, and tell him all the things he wants to hear, take back everything she said, but once she gets her way and she has to go back and he's emotionally invested and now hurt the new LTR because the old one flew into town for a week or 2? She just needs one day there and she can disrupt his life.

    Quote Originally Posted by TheCollective View Post
    Dudes, you got to stop blaming the chicks and have to remember that attraction isn't a choice. Most girls don't manipulate dudes unless they stop feeling attraction. And it's usually something in your behavior that causes this loss of attraction. They don't lose attraction in an instant like you think and then "selfishly" cheat.

    Most of the time it can take weeks or months but their interest usually goes away slowly unless you killed their family off and cheated on them but even then it doesn't just instantly disappear. I bet being needy and insecure can kill attraction faster than cheating. Right now you are in pain and trying to find something or someone to blame but it's never that simple. If a woman has high interest in you and the relationship isn't predictable and boring she'll probably never leave you, let alone cheat.

    A breakup begins when the sex stops and finally ends when communication ceases. So just remember the last time you had sex with your girlfriend and when she left you. It's usually a good predictor to see when she actually broke up with you in her head.

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    Quote Originally Posted by sdnightfly View Post
    She wants to be mean to him because she feels guilty and doesn't know how to deal with what she did.

    I think when someone refuses to take the blame, they're usually the guilty ones, they just have too much pride to admit it.

    It doesn't take that much time apart to lose attraction, or find a substitute or a temporary replacement. Give it 2-3 weeks in a place where the options are many and the women are friendly, you're bound to crack and at least come close to something happening.

    When a breakup begins and ends isn't as simple as just being about sex and communication, because it's never the same thing. Cheating doesn't always end a relationship or a marriage. Some people separate and don't divorce. Someone told me that's the way it is in some cultures. Lack of communication, I've known people who stay married that don't talk to each other, sometimes living in different states for months at a time.
    .
    She wants to be mean to him because she feels guilty? That's BS. Guilty people are anxious and depressed. They are usually consumed with these feelings which causes them to withdraw and hide. They don't try to add to the fire they started.

    Yes a breakup begins when the sex stops in a Sexual Relationship. It's no longer a sexual relationship. When a woman withdraws from sex, she starting to withdraw emotionally from the relationship. And when the communication stops it is no longer a relationship period. It's really that simple. I never said cheating always ends a relationship or marriage but it does hasten the beginning of an almost inevitable end with trust going first. People stay separated but don't get a divorce? There's so many reasons for this it isn't even funny and the reason is usually children but I can guarantee that these couples aren't in a happy sexual relationship with one another.

    Sure there's plenty of anecdotal evidence that you can come up with but they are the exception and far from the rule.

  6. #16
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    Hey guys..once again thanks for your comments.

    Just wanted to say that 'thecollective' probably has a point because if the girl had very high attraction for me...she would not have done what she did.

    What i feel was not right was despite that, she kept fueling me by telling me stuff like 'i am the only one for her'....'she can never lose me'....in fact throughout our relationship it was she that was the one trying to pin me down( marriage plans etc etc). Our sex life was pretty healthy as well..the last time we had sex was in fact just before she left. We talked very often and she usually is very eager to talk to me. During the last two or three months before she left...she had many major life and personal problems that needed urgent attention...i was the one who supported her emotionally through all of it. I stayed by her but unfortunately, because of these problems we never had much time to spend to ourselves and she was constantly worried and unhappy. Most of the time, our relationship consisted of me listening to her probs and comforting her. Me helping out wherever i can etc etc. This was why i felt our relationship was slipping away slightly. However, throughout all this, she maintained telling me that i matter the most to her etc etc and so i believed we were going to be ok.

    What was surprising and y i am so distraught is because of the complete 180' change that happened the moment she reached the enw country. She all sudden hardly wanted to even make time to tlak to me whereas in my country she would constantly want to see me and spend time with me. Almost like she depended on me. Her cold attitude towards me soon ended up in us fighting and i could tell that the reason for the fight was to get a breakup out of it.
    It was only after that i found out about the guy.

    I guess she may have lost her attraction somewhere along the way but was it fair for her to say and convince me otherwise making me invest myself fully into her??It was like she acted while she was in my country because she still needed me but the moment she did not she cast me aside for another guy. She was the one that chased me and won me over and was crazy about me in the beginning and she maintained that frame throughout our relaitonship.

    I am making alot of effort to start new things in my life and to become a 10. I want to prove to myself that i am better off. However, the hrut i am feeling is rpetty severe right now and i cant seem to get rid of it. I am stuck in this cycle of sadness for what happened and anger towards what she did.

    What bothers me most is that after what she did...she is currently the one better off and so much happier and she will probably never regret nor even realise what she did to me...someone who loved her. I guess this sense of injustice really gets to me thats all. Do you guys think that girls do regret after doing stuff liek this? To me, since she is so much happier now since her problems etc etc are resolved, she probably will never turn around and look back. That is how i feel anyway and it really kills me.

    How long does it normally take to completely get over someone who played you? Will the pain ever go away?Will justice ever be served?

    I do appreciate any help from you guys. Thank you^^

  7. #17
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    John it only feels like she did a 180 because you always had high interest level in her while her interest level slowly dropped like the volume knob on a stereo. When it hits the 20-30% mark she's out. Women don't one day decide that they don't care about their boyfriend/husband. Why would they leave when they have high interest like you feel now?

    Now it's time to move foward and not give her the satisfaction that you are affected by her leaving you. Don't reinforce the reasons she came up with to leave you. The more indifference you show her the better. Don't call, text or email her. She will try to contact you again and when that happens act completely cool and don't bring up the relationship.

    Edit:
    And realize that women backwards rationalize their actions after a breakup (when they DON'T feel attracted to you anymore) to excuse all their behavior in the relationship because they are now probably really sick of you. They will say stuff like: "I never loved you" "you were an awful jerk". Take it with a grain of salt because they just go with the flow of how they feel NOW. All the bad things in the relationship have been magnified to justify leaving you and all the good shit is a weak afterthought. Most of the time be critical of what a women says to you and don't try to rationalize it because you'll go insane, because women are insane... I mean emotional.

  8. #18
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    Thx for the advice collective. I will try my best to move forward. I do hope this pain will go away as soon as possible. It really does hurt and is very ahrd to describe. it almsot feels physical. I cannot wait for the day that i wake up and finally am totally indiferrent to her.

    Anyway, i jsut wanted to ask you guys opinions on something. Recently i watched a movie recommended by a friend. The movie was swingers. I reallye enjoyed the movie and found that i could relate well to some parts. The most interesting conversation in the movie was actually the first one because this basically set up the plot for the entire movie.

    Mike: Okay, so what if I don't want to give up on her?
    Rob: You don't call.
    Mike: But you said I don't call if I wanted to give up on her.
    Rob: Right.
    Mike: So I don't call either way?
    Rob: Right.
    Mike: So what's the difference?
    Rob: There is no difference right now. See, Mike, the only difference between giving up and not giving up is if you take her back when she wants to come back. But you can't do anything to make her want to come back. In fact, you can only do stuff to make her not want to come back.
    Mike: So the only difference is if I forget about her or just pretend to forget about her?
    Rob: Right.
    Mike: Well that sucks.
    Rob: Yeah, it sucks.
    Mike: So it's just like a retroactive decision, then? I mean I could, like, forget about her and then when she comes back make like I just pretended to forget about her?
    Rob: Right. Although probably more likely the opposite.
    Mike: What do you mean?
    Rob: I mean at first you're going to pretend to forget about her, you'll not call her, I don't know, whatever... but then eventually, you really will forget about her.
    Mike: Well what if she comes back first?
    Rob: Mmmm... see, that's the thing, is somehow they know not to come back until you really forget.
    Mike: There's the rub.
    Rob: There's the rub.

    This conversation really hit home for me and i want to ask you guys what you think about it. Is this true? has this been your experiences so far with your past relationships? or is this just something hollywood writers made up. I would like to hope that this conversation is true because it tells me that there is light at the end of the tunnel by doing what i did and cutting her out of my life completely. It also tells me that there will be a day that i will be totally over her and will not need her anymore. It also tells me that she will one day regret and apologise. What do you guys think? What has happened to you guys so far?

  9. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by TheCollective View Post
    And realize that women backwards rationalize their actions after a breakup (when they DON'T feel attracted to you anymore) to excuse all their behavior in the relationship because they are now probably really sick of you. They will say stuff like: "I never loved you" "you were an awful jerk". Take it with a grain of salt because they just go with the flow of how they feel NOW. All the bad things in the relationship have been magnified to justify leaving you and all the good shit is a weak afterthought. Most of the time be critical of what a women says to you and don't try to rationalize it because you'll go insane, because women are insane... I mean emotional.
    This one piece of advice should be taught at school from an early age to promote happiness in all people.
    Loads of guys I know go nuts becasue of this stuff. Me been one of them in the past. (and still prone to it now and then) well done collective you said it well!
    Hey Jean Claude here, are you guys still having trouble with women? Just do the splits! Works every time for me. If that fail's I beat up a few bad guys with my big toe.

  10. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by johnlewis View Post
    Swingers Quote
    Yes that advice is somewhat correct. I have had it happen to me and my friends had it happen to them. Ex-girlfriends always seem to call you up when you are over them and have completely moved on. It's annoying.

    Swingers is a great breakup move to watch. The ending is a bit far fetched but the first three quarters of the movie hit close to home for many broken hearted bros.

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