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How to get your ex-girlfriend back

Discuss How to get your ex-girlfriend back at the Relationships within the The Attraction Forums. Dating Advice.; How to get your ex-girlfriend back Hey guys -- I published this in yesterday's www.LoveSystems.com/LSi ...

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    How to get your ex-girlfriend back

    Hey guys -- I published this in yesterday's LSi it seems some people didn't get it and have been asking. So instead of spending this sunny Saturday emailing, I decided to take the lazy route and repost it here.

    (If you didn't get this in your mailbox, you need to tell your email program to stop blocking Love Systems dating tips. There are quick instructions here:

    http://www.lovesystems.com/whitelist)



    Mailbag – May 2009


    Hi Savoy.

    Where the hell were you guys 10 years ago?

    On New Year’s Eve I decided to change my life. Either Love Systems was going to help me sort out women and dating, or it wasn’t. I read Magic Bullets and the Routines Manual (Volume 1 but I can’t wait to get Volume 2) and whenever I wanted more detail on something, I just went to the audio catalogue. BTW, you should be careful about making 10 minutes on every interview since those first 10 minutes give A LOT away.

    You’ve heard this story before, I’m sure. I’ve had my first one night stand, my first threesome, and even dated a minor celebrity (a well-known local TV personality – I’ll send you a pic since I’m sure you haven’t heard of her in Cali). My married friends think I’m having a mid-life crisis, but I can see they’re jealous. Two of my single friends have started reading Magic Bullets, and we’re already a dangerous pack together despite being a bit older than most single men.

    So get this. I can get (almost) any girl I want, but I’m starting to think that the girl I really want is my ex-girlfriend. Any tips for me?

    - Randall T., Grand Junction, CO


    Hey Randall,

    I get a few “get my ex” back questions every day. It’s about time I answered. Here goes:

    1) Make sure she really is worth this effort.

    Read the classic Love Systems “Kill Beatrice” post by Hall of Fame instructor “Future”:

    The Real Savoy: CLASSIC POST: "Kill Beatrice"

    Seriously. Go read it. This LSi will still be here when you get back.

    Also make sure you’re not into this because she’s “the one who got away”. Lots of women got away before you started with Love Systems and if she’s the one you think about, then it’s natural to want what you can’t have. But if you get her back – are you sure you’re going to want her? Or will the attraction disappear when she’s not a challenge?

    If it’s even partly the latter, stay away. I don’t want to get all preachy, but you can do a lot more damage playing on your ex’s feelings than you could flirting with a new girl.

    2) Do you think your ex is “as good as you’re going to get”?

    The irony here is that if you feel that way, you’re unlikely to get her back. And if you do get her back, you’re going to lose her…again.

    You MUST get over this hump. Or you will repeat the cycle.

    Back when I used to do phone consultations, I saw this way too often. A client would take my advice on how to get her back but ignore the inner game stuff necessary to keep her. I’m told from other instructors (who do phone consultations) that this still happens.

    I can’t solve inner game issues in a few paragraphs – we have a highly popular all-day seminar for that, led by the experts:

    Inner Game - Love Systems - Formerly the Mystery Method Corp. - Pickup artist skills and dating advice

    No matter how great she is, you can date women who are equally interesting. You got her, right? Why can’t you get someone of equal quality again?

    Unless you are 100% convinced (really convinced…not faking it) that you can attract women at and above her level, you WILL lose her.

    I dish out the straight goods (no sensitive ears, please) in the Relationship Management course. Check out some of the free videos here:

    Savoy's Relationship Management DVD Course - Love Systems - Formerly the Mystery Method Corp. - Pickup artist skills and dating advice


    3) Minimize contact with her for a few months.


    Let me list a few things that are unattractive to most women:

    • Big, fat, hairy beer bellies
    • Their best friend’s kid brother who follows them around like a puppy dog
    • Adult diapers
    • The ex-boyfriend who hangs around everywhere and wants her back


    If you want her back, it will show. You need some distance.

    Even if you think it won’t show, or that you’re “not doing anything” -- it probably will and you probably are, even without noticing.

    Say you and her happen to be at the same party. You’re minding your own business and having fun. All cool right? But she might think it’s “weird” or want to hook up with someone and see your presence as a “cockblock” – even if you’re not remotely paying attention to what she’s doing.

    And then she can get frustrated and feel like you’re stalking, or not over her yet (some women’s favorite stories to tell revolve exclusively around “men who want me”), and so on.

    And then she’ll actually believe it.

    Even if it’s completely illogical. In Love Systems, it’s emotion, not logic.



    4) If you’re in her social circle…

    Maybe you have friends in common and you’re in the same extended social circle.

    In that case, minimize your time together without making it seem like you’re going out of your way to avoid her.

    Don’t talk about her. If someone brings her up and placid silence isn’t an option, be positive about her and change the subject. This goes double for her dating life. It goes triple for the breakup.

    Don’t show off. Don’t go out of your way to bring other women around her or mutual friends. Live your life and do what you’d normally do, but err on the side of caution.

    Yes, Pre-selection (being attractive to other women) is one of the key things that attract especially beautiful women. But you don’t want her to feel that you are pre-selected bit by bit. When you re-initiate in a few months (see below), you want it to be a big bang.

    You want her wondering, “who is this guy I let get away?”


    5) Change

    Something about you should change before you re-initiate contact.

    (We’ll get to the biggest change you need to make, next)

    Whether it’s a new job, a new hobby, a change to your dress style, something – and it need only be one thing – should change.

    Since women are attracted first and then figure out the “reasons” later, you want to make it as easy as possible for women to find reasons to be interested in you, once you’ve hit some attraction spikes.

    If this concept is new to you, I really think you could benefit from reading my book, Magic Bullets, which is full of ready-to-use techniques like this. Also download the free chapters and try for yourself:

    Magic Bullets the award-winning step-by-step guide to seduction and being a pickup artist, by Savoy - Love Systems - Formerly the Mystery Method Corp. - Pickup artist skills and dating advice

    These “reasons” can be arbitrary. I’ve had women insist…INSIST that they slept with me because I’m a Libra and Libras are so balanced and in touch with themselves. Or because I drink gin. Or because I have “nice eyes”.

    They even believe it at the time. In reality, they slept with me because I ran them through the Love Systems Triad Model (from the Routines Manual Vol 2) which made them FEEL that they wanted me. Only afterwards did they look for reasons.

    So you need to help her out with some kind of arbitrary change so she notices something different when you re-initiate contact.

    This also reinforces that you should stay away from her in the meantime. It’s hard to notice change when you’re too close. You’ll never see the grass grow by staring at it.


    6) Get Better with Women in General

    Yes, I know you’re still convinced you just want that one girl.

    I don’t care. In fact, I won’t even believe you until you’ve shown me that you can get women who are as attractive (or more) than her, and that you still want her. Otherwise my guess is you’re rationalizing, just like a woman who sleeps with me because I’m a Libra.

    But even if I did believe you, I still wouldn’t care. You still need to get better with women in general.

    Think of top golfer Tiger Woods. He rarely trains for any specific golf course. He practices the fundamentals of golf – driving, putting, and so on.

    Maybe before a tournament he refreshes a bit on the course, but that’s it. Tiger Woods gets better at golf; he doesn’t get better at a specific golf course.

    For all of this to have an effect, you need to get better with women in general.

    (Usually that means a bootcamp or one-on-one coaching. But you can also make a ton of progress using Magic Bullets with Volume 2 of the Routines Manual and sorting out any gaps with the advanced interview series.)

    Learn the skills. Get experience using them. Success breeds success. Women can “smell” a man who is comfortable with beautiful women and able to keep up with them. And men who are not.

    For a real-life example of this – how a stand-offish“10” turned into a very sexual, threesome-loving dream girl, and how to seduce a runway model from the Playboy Mansion, read this classic field report:

    The Real Savoy: Threesomes, Runway Models, and the power of frames (part I)

    (It’s in two part…so when you hit the bottom of the post, there’s a thing that says click here for part II)


    7) Then, and only then, re-initiate contact


    When you’re ready – that is, when you are confidently and consistently attracting women who are as attractive as her or better – only then can you re-initiate contact with her from a position of strength.

    Whatever you do, when you re-initiate USE THE LOVE SYSTEMS TRIAD. If you make her feel emotionally close to you but not physically (or you miss the opportunity physically because your logistics were wrong) you’ll doom yourself to yet more time in “Let’s Just Be Friends” land.

    This is an especially big risk if you guys have already broken up once. The Triad is a special part of Volume 2 of the Love Systems Routines Manual:
    Love Systems Routines Manual Vol. II - Love Systems - Formerly the Mystery Method Corp. - Pickup artist skills and dating advice

    8) Don’t mess it up again.


    When you re-initiate contact with her, act like you’re in the “Dating/Undefined” category of relationships.
    The Relationship Management DVDs break relationships down into 6 categories – including traditional relationships, multiple relationships, friends with benefits, etc.
    Dating/Undefined is somewhat like treating every time you see her as the 2nd or 3rd date. Have that frame.
    If you’re not familiar with this, learn Love Systems Relationship Management. It covers everything from how to get into every kind of relationship (one girlfriend, threesomes, multiple girlfriends, one night stands, hookups, etc.), how to manage each one, how to move between, and more.

    It’s also the only place where we released “the model” – how you can predict when and how your girlfriend might cheat and also what you can do about it (it’s not what you think):

    Savoy's Relationship Management DVD Course - Love Systems - Formerly the Mystery Method Corp. - Pickup artist skills and dating advice

    It’s gone wrong once. Don’t let it go wrong again. My current girlfriend and I have broken up a couple of times, so I know where you’re coming from.

    Good luck,

    Savoy


    Love Systems President, Program Leader

    1 - Read the Magic Bullets Handbook - it's the bible of the Love Systems community, answers 90% of the questions here, and saves you years of time re-inventing the wheel.
    2 - Follow me on The Real Savoy Blog, or my twitter account. And friend me on Facebook for exclusive dating advice I don't post anywhere else.

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    5) Change

    Something about you should change before you re-initiate contact.
    Like anything?


    oh, and was this field tested?
    /relationships/96856-insecurities-cheating.html

    /relationships/97993-insecurities-being-clingy-needy.html

    /relationships/108019-insecurities-snooping.html

    /relationships/98888-how-apologize.html

    /relationships/117426-how-choosing-gift-your-gf.html

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    I'm a bit surprised you guys even bother writing anything about getting ex-girlfriends back.
    Well everyone I know
    Has got a reason
    To say
    Put the past away

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    I like this allot. I learned a fair bit of game, got myself a 10 and royally fucked it up.

    I know how to get the girl but then being in a relationship and handling a 10 is a completely different skill set.

    I checked out David De Angelo's advanced dating techniques DVD and that taught me a fair bit of the inner game I didn't have before.

    Want girl back like sin and maybe this will help. I know there must be a ton of guys in the same boat as me!

  5. The Following User Says Thank You to Letch For This Useful Post:

    CMAx32 (01-20-2013)

  6. #5
    Savoy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SharpSh00t3r View Post
    Like anything?


    oh, and was this field tested?
    Well, not "anything" -- but you should give her something plausible to her to rationalize.

    Quoting from the article:

    Since women are attracted first and then figure out the “reasons” later, you want to make it as easy as possible for women to find reasons to be interested in you, once you’ve hit some attraction spikes.

    These “reasons” can be arbitrary. I’ve had women insist…INSIST that they slept with me because I’m a Libra and Libras are so balanced and in touch with themselves. Or because I drink gin. Or because I have “nice eyes”.
    For testing -- yeah, not with nearly as much data and control as you can test cold approach stuff. That's a good point. There are some things (like "what if we pretend to this baby that he is a God and then see how he adjusts to the world at age 20") that don't lend themselves to tightly controlled experiments.

    Unless you count Beverly Hills as a controlled experiment.
    Love Systems President, Program Leader

    1 - Read the Magic Bullets Handbook - it's the bible of the Love Systems community, answers 90% of the questions here, and saves you years of time re-inventing the wheel.
    2 - Follow me on The Real Savoy Blog, or my twitter account. And friend me on Facebook for exclusive dating advice I don't post anywhere else.

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    I was reading your recent thread on getting back together with an ex.

    I'm going through a similar process now. I have just moved back to where my ex lives a month after breaking up. As soon as I arrived I tried to start seeing her an establish a friendship.

    We've seen eachother a couple of times, some more social occasions and twice when we were alone at eachothers houses eating and watching movies.

    When we were alone there was no awkwardness but there was tension, she said she didnt want me to think that we would get back together just because I was back...

    As time went on and we saw eachother a couple of more times, there was less tension and the conversation was flowing easier, but there was still the feeling that something is missing...

    Now the fact is this, I want to get back together with her, but now that we already see eachother here and hang out as friends, should I break that off for a while too or carry on seeing her?

    I live in a small village and there are only a handful of us young folk who hang out together... So avoiding her completely will be hard...

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    Just to give a bit of background... Both this girl and I live in Gstaad (small village in Switzerland) we were dating for a while and I had to move to Barcelona for work... She followed and stayed for two weeks then said things werent going to well for her and she wanted to break up, also because of ditance... This was about 6 weeks ago

    As it turns out, I had to move back to Switzerland 2 weeks ago... Since we live close to eachother and are in a small social circle I've seen her a couple of times... Sometimes one on one at eachothers houses (which was a bit awkeard at frst) or at more social events...

    In Barcelona she said distance was a factor in the break up... Since I've been back... During one of our conversations she said that in Barcelona she didn't have any feelings and she didn't want me to think that we would get back together just because Im back in Switzerland...

    Does this mean its over or is there hope in getting back together?

    As friends we get along well although there is sometimes that awkwardness when I think about us having once dated...

    Whats the best way to go from here to a.) make the friendship deeper, b.) try out a relationship take 2....

    Thanks for the help...

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    Feedback on this post

    I was in a long LTR of six years. We were engaged and planning on getting married within the year. She broke it off with me and jumped into a relationship with another guy. Needless to say, I was fucking devastated. We were going to get married!

    Here's the good part: I've followed the advice in this post and oh wow...the things that I never knew.

    I started hitting the gym and exercising like crazy (It also helped ease the pain of the breakup), and that was my one change. My other change was that I was relentless at the bars. I approached more women in the first weekend that I was single than I had in my entire life. It's been a little over a month, and my skills have improved so much. I now feel that I can attract women at and above my ex girlfriend's level. My ex feels it too. I re-initiated contact with her, and holy fuck. Where did that distant, cold girl from the past few months go? She is being a little lovesick girl towards me again, writing poems, sending texts, finding any excuse whatsoever to call...and the sex? Supercharged.

    But it doesn't matter! She's just ONE option now. And now I see, that's the whole point of this. So now, miraculously, I've gone from a high commitment LTR to a dating relationship with my ex, she treats me like royalty, and now I have other women that I can pursue.

    The things I didn't know...

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    Only one question, what if she has a boyfriend?
    Do different rules apply, or do you just combine this "routine" with the bf-destroyer?
    There's plenty of fish in the ocean, but I'm the fucking shark!

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    Just Broke up with my girlfriend and yeah i dont want her back just want to know where i went wrong, how to fix it so if i want to go back down the track i have it sorted.

    I just look at it like this. Im an awsome guy and shes lost out bigtime. However im not naieve and know i can improve

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