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02-22-2009, 01:05 PM #1
I didn't mean for this to come out this long. sorry guys.
My ex wants to be friends. We havent talked in 6 months.
Ok heres the beckground. One of my best friends, Stephanie, introduced me to her best friend, Devon (hb9). we hooked up that night and ended up dating not too long after. we broke up before going back to college, yea it hurt. so this girl ended up being some heavy one-itis for me and i texted her often without getting any response. (i was a horrible AFC boyfriend and ex).
So after about a month of trying to talk to her like this, i realized that i was just killing myself for no reason. everytime i saw her name pop up on facebook i just got insanely jealous. it was bad. so i just sent her a solid message explaining that i couldnt talk to her anymore and deleted her from my friends and shit like that.
Me n Stephanie are still rly close and weve discussed the Devon situation. I rly dont like putting her in the middle but its easy to use to my advantage since these 2 girls tell eachother about everything.
Devon texted me over winter break asking to be friends again. You can read about that here if you like. ( http://www.theattractionforums.com/r...t-nowhere.html ). We didnít speak after that text and now its 2 months later and shes started texting me again. I didnít respond to any of them. Stephanie yelled at me for not responding, o well.
Now heres the real point of this post. Last night I had a party at my place for mine and my friends birthdays (it was pretty kick ass hah). Well at 2:30am I get an update on my blackberry from facebook. Devon sent me a message, here it isÖ
When I texted you a few months ago asking if we could be friends, I meant that I wanted to. You said yes and I was excited, but I guess it was probably too easy to just work like that. I don't know why I have the sudden interest to fix things - maybe it's because I'm realizing the importance of friends and how special it is when two people have great chemistry - but regardless of the reason, I would really like to be friends with you. I know I neglected you as a friend once we came back to school and I'm sorry for that. You really were my best friend this summer and once I got back here, I kind of forgot how awesome you were and I took you for granted. I know it was hard for you (a hundred months ago) to be friends with me/not be friends with me, so if a friendship would make you unhappy, then I understand. But if not, I would love to start talking again. I promise to try to be a better friend if you let me.
Hope all is well,
Ok so, input on what to respond (if at all?).
I donít want this girl back, im not hung up on her at all anymore. She has a current boyfriend (shes the type that always has a boy and they only last like 2 weeks each). I am really trying to avoid pissing off Steph again too. Hereís a convo that me and her had today.
Stephanie (1:14:31 PM): what did she say to u?
Sylo(1:14:45 PM): she sent a mesage on fbook
Stephanie (1:15:13 PM): saying? lol i didnt kno about this hah
Sylo(1:15:52 PM): **see message above**
Stephanie (1:17:15 PM): what do you want to say
Sylo(1:19:04 PM): i really have no idea hahah. i mean, i think its funny that this is what shes doing at 2:30am last night
Sylo(1:19:39 PM): i think its fucked up that she gets a boy then she wants to be friends lol
Stephanie (1:20:22 PM): Sylo if its really going to bother u that shes just trying to be friends u dont have to be friends
Stephanie (1:20:46 PM): i dont think shes trying to hurt you in anyway, just trying to be nice?
Sylo(1:23:33 PM): i think shes trying to act like the bigger person which is bullshit. u cant just say "oh im not going to talk to you... then oh now were friends...". u dont just pick that lol
Stephanie (1:23:58 PM): right right, so what do you want to do?
Sylo(1:24:32 PM): im probably goin to do wut she did
Sylo(1:24:34 PM): lol
Sylo(1:24:44 PM): just delete it and forget abuot it
Sylo(1:24:47 PM): its not worth my time
Stephanie (1:25:09 PM): can i ask you something, do you hate her?
Stephanie (1:26:50 PM): i think she never responded to u tho, in ur favor cause u said u didnt want to be reminded of her
Sylo(1:27:51 PM): well im glad shes so inclined to flatter herself
Sylo(1:28:20 PM): i really really dont know. theres like 2 different Devons hah. the one i dated, which i do still remember as being awesome. BUT then the new Devon.... fuck that
Stephanie (1:29:50 PM): arite arite, i mean im not really trying to get involved in all this shaningans, its up to u what you want to do
Stephanie (1:30:13 PM): if you cant be just friends with her, there is no need for you too, cause im pretty sure friendsships dont usually work out with past "lovers" lol
Stephanie (1:30:22 PM): but then again im just an idiot
Sylo(1:34:04 PM): lol no ur not. and i know it might sound like im being immature, but reallly i just dont know wut she gains from this
Stephanie (1:35:18 PM): i cudnt tell u, a friend maybe??
Sylo(1:35:51 PM): i wasnt really asking u, dont worry lol
Sylo(1:36:23 PM): and i know ur in a really awkward position in the middle of this lol
Sylo(1:36:27 PM): sorry bout that haha
Stephanie (1:36:52 PM): hah its okay i dont mind, i wish i cud helpp
Stephanie (1:37:30 PM): maybe she just doesnt want u to think that she hates u or something, or that she is sorry that she really hurt u, and wants u to know that she really did like u as a friend and whatever
Sylo(1:39:35 PM): i think its juts a really messed up situation
Sylo(1:40:29 PM): break up, dont talk for 6 months, try to be friends with someone hundreds of miles away?
Stephanie (1:42:35 PM): yeaa, maybe she just wants to be able to talk to u, i think she wasnt talking to u because u told her not to
Stephanie (1:42:37 PM): ?
Sylo(1:42:47 PM): lol before that
Sylo(1:43:17 PM): for the month and a half that i tried to talk to her (even if that wasnt in my best interest as everyone has highlighted)
Stephanie (1:44:54 PM): rightt idk Sylo
Stephanie (1:44:59 PM): its totally up to u what u want to do
Sylo(1:48:19 PM): really everything that ive been thinking about concerning her for a while is really just too fucked up, i dont quite want to tell you since she is ur best friend
Stephanie (1:49:03 PM): okay well then keep it to urself, but im sorry she hurt u Sylo, and i hope that you realize that for u there r plenty of better fish in the sea
Sylo(1:50:20 PM): hold on... its not about her hurting me or anything, trust me im really far past that and i know i can do 81797234345x better than that.
Stephanie (1:51:54 PM): shes Devon, i understand u
02-22-2009, 03:03 PM #2Administrator Emeritus
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You aren't interested in being friends with her. There's nothing wrong with that.
02-23-2009, 01:48 AM #3
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A. If you want to stay good friends with Stephanie, don't go back out with Devon.
B. If you don't want Stephanie to know your business, don't go back out with Devon.
C. Devon is flaky, but I think she's showing some remorse for how she acted. It was a short term thing at the time even though you carried it around.
If you've really moved on, Devon could be a casual friend (letting Stephanie know of course that you're not serious and just hanging out), and she can take it or leave it, or you can LJBF her and write out any possibility of going out with her and use her as your pivot and find some quality guys for her that you feel would she'd be better off with.
This comes across as a favor to your best friend, maybe she just wants her to go to the parties with her and no one is going to feel weird or awkward. As a favor to Stephanie, meet up with Devon and just talk and hear her out. If you have old feelings, then there's nothing you can do about that. But if you are truly past it, eventually it's going to be old news and she's just going to be seen as Stephanie's friend more than your ex-gf.
02-23-2009, 07:06 AM #4
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My advice is just go with your feelings, if you don't want any part of your ex, which more often than that is definitely a good thing then don't be apart of her. Having her around will usually bring back some form of hurtful feelings or confusion. It sounds like you don't want to be friends with her, so don't be. You don't even need to respond to her, she'll get the hint.
I personally wouldn't even bother with it, delete her message and just ignore her and just move on. The past is done and over with.
02-23-2009, 10:18 AM #5SmoothO Guest
I agree to go with your feelings. If you want to be friends with her then do it. If you want to be friends with her, but do not want your emotions to get all messed up, really think about that carefully and consider not doing it.
If you do not want to be friends with her, but are afraid of offending your friend stephanie, speak to her about why you can't do it.
The fact that it has been 6 months means that you may be able to be friends with her without caring about her updates on facebook, who she's seeing etc. I know that AFC feeling of seeing an ex with someone else and their updates on facebook, and it is a feeling of depression and jealousy and helpnessness at the same time.
When you can master your own emotions then I may consider it. I recently defb'd an ex just because I was told and because it would make it easier to get over her. It has helped. I think technology today can make things harder to get over people because of things like this. 30 Years ago when you broke up with someone you wouldn't deal with seeing what that person is doing afterwards and have to get jealous or feel upset.
Today things are much different.
It does seem that she is remorseful though and maybe even genuine. Women are tricky man.
btw just wondering, are you guys friends on facebook again, or has she just messaged you randomly?
02-23-2009, 10:37 AM #6
SmoothO- were not friends on facebook, she messaged after i didnt respond to a couple texts last week.
So thanks guys. im not responding to her, i feel like ill just regress to the little bitch i was back then. Devon is the kind of girl that sucks u into this huge trap (intentionally or not) and i do not want to mess around with that again.
Deleted and Done.
02-23-2009, 12:16 PM #7SmoothO Guest
I think I do know what you mean. My recent ex, not huge into rating but if I had to ranges from hb8.5 to 9. She sucked me in and I thought everything was okay and I became a little afc, but not to the point where I thought it would push her away, then bam I get dumped before valentines day with my reservations and plans for valentines day all planned out that she agreed to and I'm left crushed.
Then I end up feeling bad for her because she is an emotional wreck and have a hard time facing the reality that she dumped me and she claims she wants to be friends but did things to me that shouldn't be done to a bf or a friend. I deleted her and blocked her last week and am sort of debating adding her back, but I think I am going to keep her deleted.
I don't want to first off be in the situation where I am checking her constantly, and secondly I don't want to witness her on facebook with another guy (even if I am with another girl or have closed other girls) because it would mean her reasons for breaking up with me were bs.
So I'll just leave it be. I made amends with her after speaking to her and explaining why I was upset, and I unblocked her aim so she can msg me if she wants...but I am tired of feeling bad for someone that treated me that way when I was nothing but good to her.
So I can see waht this girl is doing to you and relate, that after she dumped and hurt you she is trying to make you feel bad that you aren't freinds with her and maybe even feeling bad about the way things were.
See the thing is I don't know you but if I had to guess you probably treated this girl pretty well also... and girls like this that go from guy to guy sometimes realize this about certain guys (see the movie forgetting sarah marshall and you'll see typical regret from a girl). When they realize this they try to make amends or even get back with them.
Life is messed up eh?
02-23-2009, 12:47 PM #8
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In my experience stuff like that happens when her relationship is slowly going to the shitter.
02-23-2009, 01:36 PM #9SmoothO Guest
you mean post relationship? when she dates someone after you and realizes what she was missing type thing?
02-23-2009, 08:50 PM #10
I think that is exactly what he means.