Discuss Getting the girlfriend back from the other guy at the Relationships within the The Attraction Forums. Dating Advice.; Getting the girlfriend back from the other guy
I am freshly out of a Relationship ...
Getting the girlfriend back from the other guy
I am freshly out of a LTR with a HB9 that I have lived with for the last 4 years...she was a virgin when we got together, so there is a healthy amount of curiosity...
To make a long story short, I gained a bit of weight and over the last few months, she was involved in a flirtation with some guy in her acting class...
Eventually, she breaks up with me citing all kinds of BS reasons like, "we never had an argument...that isn't healthy" and, "I was never attracted to you in the first place."
Clearly, this is a case of the grass being greener...so...I want her back...current status:
1. She still lives with me...is talking about moving out but has not yet.
2. She has not slept with the other guy...
3. I was ready to marry her...had the ring...she knows these facts...
4. She is 27...I am 36...other guy is 33 but told her he is 31
5. She is asking my advice on how to game the other guy.
6. She recently started therapy and claims to be in, "a self-destructive mode"
7. She is probably genius level IQ.
8. I have been out with other women since the breakup.
9. Official breakup was 1 month ago.
Any suggestions? I can provide all of the details necessary, but I didn't want to make this a long post that is impossible to navigate...
this forum is NOT about how to get one girl back.
"Act surprised...Show concern...Deny...Deny...Deny".
What I would do if I were you is deal with the living arrangements. All the other things you've listed are 100% irrelevant, and it is simply you giving yourself false hope(if you were someone else reading the reasons, you'd see what I am talking about). To me it seems like the only logical move to make. This will either A) bring her back to you or B) help you to get over her.
I have started to relate relationship troubles with no limit poker. The game is a game of momentum; the chip leader tends to push around the lower stacks by betting larger amounts. The idea is to put your opponent to a decision for all of their chips. A lot of relationship troubles evolve from the female having too much control over the male. She knows she can go around and do whatever she wants because she can get away with it, she is the chip leader. So what do you have to do? You have to put her to the decision to risk all her chips; you have to take back some of the control; you have to let her know that shes not going to get away with what shes doing.
Now, back to the living arrangements. This gives you a perfect opportunity to put this game plan into action. What you need to do is insist that she move out and set a date for her to be out by. This will put her to the decision for all of her chips that I was talking about. Now she either has to call and expose her winning hand(actually pack up and leave, which is good for you because it will help you to get over her), or fold her hand(she will realize that shes not going to get away with the shit shes been pulling anymore and will give in). Either way it is a winning situation, and even better yet, you are the one who made the decision.
If you want to think of it another way, by doing this you are turning the tables on her. By telling her she is going to have to move out, YOU are now breaking up with HER. If she really is not happy, she will leave. If shes just been fucking with you, she will get scared and come crawling back.
I went through a very similar situation to yours a few years ago. I wish I had the knowledge back then that I do now, it would have been a lot easier for me. My relationship with her was off/on for 6 months following the breakup. She told me all these things I was doing wrong, and I thought that meant "try harder, stupid." She got involved with other guys, which really pissed me off because I was still kissing her feet while this was going on, trying to make things better, but I would be getting nowhere. Every so often I would get so frustrated that I would just tell her goodbye. Whenever I did this she would tell me she missed me and we would wind up almost getting back together. My mistake was that as soon as she said this I would instantly forgive her, go right back to kissing her feet, and again she would be treating me like garbage. Eventually, after 6 months, I had had enough and finally ended it with her. I wanted it to be for good though, so I told her some extremely harsh words, ones I knew I would not be able to recover from(smartest thing I've ever done hahaha).
Anyways, learn from my experience. I've tried to give this exact same advice to several other people since, but they always think their situation is different and believe that the girl really does want them to try harder, and of course this gets them into more trouble. Take my advice, I've been there before, and this is exactly what I would do if I had to go back.
Good luck, and its going to take more than a month to get over her if you were ready to marry the chick. Give it some more time! Let it marinate!
And yeah, like doc said, not an appropriate post. I only wanted to give my 2 cents because I could easily relate.
Last edited by Everlong; 04-13-2006 at 07:05 PM.
Mystery Method helps improve your situation with all women. We can't help you on a particular girl. It's a condition we call one-itis.
Send a PM to Rodzilla. He recently fixed an LTR. It's likely an inner game issue. Remove any sexual/emotional neediness from your personality and IMMEDIATELY start dating other chicks. You are treating her like the prize.
Assuming you're not a kidney harvester, we can chat in the car. - Cedar
wow i cant belive how wrong all of you all even mystery why is it we can only get help with ALL women when where in relaitionship forum and thats all about building to marrage thats all relationships are to test if shes one i screw until i find my one or the one i marry! wow nice way ove beeing the typical wanna screw anything with 1 to 4 legs a holes everlong i respect u for saying ur 2 cents right on!
NOTHING IS EVER WORTH ANYTHING WHEN ITS EASY
When a bird in a nest above your door starts chitting on you,move the nest and then take a shower. You don't just keep showering 4 times a day and not move the nest. Either she stops chitting on you, or you move her(unless you want the eggs to hatch, so you can have 4 or 5 birds chitting on you). My ex-wife got moved to a different nest-live is good.
fully agree with my man here. Im sure this girl is great, but get over her and stop treating her like the prize
Originally Posted by Cedar
go big or go home
linkx and others,
This thread has been DEAD since April 2006. The original poster does not even post here anymore. DO NOT REVIVE an OLD thread and start giving your 2 cents advice.
(If you've never failed, you've never lived.)